Everything in my life
Falling apart
And
Simultaneously
everything in my life
pulling itself together
The truth is
life breaks everyone
life breaks everything
Nevertheless
I choose positive thoughts
I choose adaptability
I choose compassion
I choose gratitude
I choose love
I choose humility
I choose courage
I choose to keep moving forward
I choose to create a beautiful life
within the ugliness of it all
I choose to reach inside myself
and ignite a fire that will burn
forevermore
And at the end of it all
I know I will emerge victorious
within those broken places

Life has many milestones.
Each bringing a significant change to one's life.
Whether that be a birthday, a wedding, a child.
But it's difficult to admit the sadder milestones that we carry with us.
However these negative moments also have a significant effect on us.
This is my list of milestones I hate to admit.
But they have impacted me tramendously.
It's time I released them so I can look ahead.

Molested by a boy at age 4.
Countlessly ***** by my sister starting at age 5.
***** by my therapist at age 7.
Beat by my sister throughout childhood.
Bribed and verbally abused by my step father to condition me to keep my issues to myself.
Traumatized at 10 by my father and his ex due to a domestic abuse situation.
Almost drowned from my first public panic attack at age 16.
Harassed by a man at a concert at age 20.
Endured the hell that relationships always bring.
Attempted suicide twice at age 21.
And a man attempted to **** me at a party last week while I was intoxicated.

I know I'm not the only one with these difficult memories.
And knowing I'm not alone will always be my comfort.
But I'm letting it all out;
purging out the evil so I can be releaved.
And now my hope is to heal and become whole again in the healthiest way possible.

I can overcome these milestones.
I know I can.

With the force of like sides of a magnet I push people away
Constantly unable to touch or come close
But nothing I could do could prevent our opposition from bringing us closer together
The differences of our upbringing make us both mysteries to one another
With every piece of information I am able to take in of you, I crave more
My attraction for you is unquestionable
That, we have in common
Fears from the past rest in my heart, but I lose touch of everything when we're together
I absorb your beauty, your voice, your touch as often as I can
Chemicals flood my brain and pulsates through my veins with just one look
Your perfection scares me
As does your imperfection
But I'd be scared regardless
I want nothing more than to see what we'll become
What we'll grow together to become
As we move forward and grow together as our own entity
It may not be easy
But I know she's worth it