If memories take time
Then I'm giving them away,
'Cause all I want's the closeness
Of thoughts from yesterday

If you turn your back to a tree
It falls, and you don't see
Is it different when you return to reality?

It remains that the tree is wood
The cores and rings and fibers still good
But I'm sure that doesn't matter
Because it changed the way it stood

I do my best to be unchanging
To coax you when you fell.
For friendship,I'd even let
You chop me down, as well

But you've sunken into shallow soils
Called these termites all your friends
And though it's your integrity rotting,
My memories have spoiled.

So think about that once again
When I've grown tired, and tough
Because height can give you limelight
But it's the roots that give you love

I think that you might notice
That I may have gone too soon
When you stumble upon houses with not enough doors
And too many empty rooms

I think it might hit you
When you walk past my swung open door
With no warmth to the core
With no bags on the floor
So I'm not the coldest thing that you knew

Honestly, it'll hit you
When the carpets unvacuumed for days
"It's so messy," you'll say
Like this is fixed with a broom
How's that house with no windows,
And too many rooms?

I don't fill my days with nothingness
I don't sleep until noon
For air, I crack the windows
And I rearrange the rooms

And it's fine by me
If you think
I can't leave a minute too soon
Someday I'll return, won't look through your windows,
Someday I won't want a room.

Sweet white meat between
My teeth

And between my teeth I let it run
Down my throat and over my tongue

Taste so rich
And smooth
And firm

My summer fruit
Just make me warm

When brunettes see me stop and stare
I wonder what hides beneath their glare
Under by and by smiles
I'm pathetic,
And watch
Walk through each like an aisle

Beauty, hair,
It's everywhere!
Long, long summer length
Bold of shine and full of strength
It's been so long, I've watched mine grow
But it still won't reach down to my toes
Hair, Hair, Hair


Blonde here, red there
Straight impossible thick or fair

I like men,
Not the latter
But that doesn't matter
Because the locks of men cannot compare
To a brunette that makes me stop and stare.

You look better
When you're smiling
Doors of ivory hide unease

Your smile looks better
When your spiraling
Down down chutes of self appease

And I look better
When you're defiling
All the things that live to please.

Dragging feet though out of time
Such a new-found face to climb
Be my sweet, sweet paradigm
Be mine.

Knuckles knee-deep in bright orange dust
Her words half-crunched
In a hurricane of hurried lunch
I mix in wit to her serious plot
Her mouth flies open, filled with half-chewed corn starch
And she still looks like a matriarch

We turned the radio on
But was gradually turned down
The ridged **** twisted all the way around
So she'd mention a song and I'd ask her
"How's that goes again?"
To hear her voice slip in and out
When really I knew it all by heart

Even when there was no reason to,
We smiled
Giggled off each other's cues
She looked from me once
Her eyes widening like a telescope
Mouth gaping, absent of laughter, as she braced a hand against my chest
The liquid-like sucker punch
Of the metal colliding quick
Like jelly under a rolling pin, I stuck
Grasping onto prayers with my fingers loose as God
She didn't scream, just held my shirt
As my tumbleweed Taurus vaulted yet another foot
Into the same solid ground, the same stars of shards
Mingled with bright orange dust sifting through the air.

All I want's a man
To take me out to coffee, that costs too much
Impulsive midnight Wendy's runs
With the alter ego of a natural bed of hair, of which
He is actually obsessed
And will look in anything reflective

Longs for the ocean
But doesn't spend a moment in the water
Wants the sun to warm his skin
But bathes in a bottle of SPF 80
'Cause he knows I'll warm him from within

I won't call our love hotter than the summer we spent
Our temperatures fluctuated faster than the seasons themselves
But we always dressed appropriately
Bundled or shed accordingly
Just to spend our time in the other's climate

Mid-day munchies conquer us both
In different states of mind
Let's hike somewhere
Let's sight-see
Spend somewhere out of your house
Let's take a run at Royal River
Lose hairpins you will keep
Let's spend each waking second together
And in our dreams, while we're asleep

Wasn't I wanted
When I was there?
Your four sides to these long rides
of your square?

So say it, I don't want your copy and paste
I want your old broken self
Filled with liquor, and haste

The way shelves of fine China used to crash down
Inside of your chest when no one was around
You would grapple and shake, you would fall to the ground
And you'd cry
You'd cry.
Only I knew that sound.

I wish I weren't sour
Wish my thoughts about you
Didn't seize up and freeze the moment that they come through

I also wish you'd stop acting
Like I'm an asset of the past
Like you are happy now at last
You should see the way it hurts me.
It's selfish to act like I'd cross rivers for you
When you know I don't swim, unless you're drowning, too.

Tonight I watch us bloom,
With you
Stuck in the rhyme of time
We gather, and we sit,
Sublime
Not every moment tastes so still
No essence of tension, so we
Wait for the new battle to instill
But while we wait? Let's
Celebrate in quiet
And study the color
The texture in each others' eyes like we're
Soulmates, dizzy and tired.

The fire doesn't hide inside us
It's about the air, it's
Everywhere
Devotion combs its fingers through our hair
Lust curls up,
And falls asleep
In our laps and at our feet
And we sit, our bodies absorbant
******* in warmth for the next time it's
Cold
These times here with you never last forever
But if they did
Wouldn't they get old?

Destroy me
You phantom of a frostbit branch
The window thin as ice but
Thick enough to shut you out, I'd say
To throw a cold shoulder
But you hold the thermostat in your palm
To bade our blades much colder

It falls so softly, induces
Coughing, ravaged throats
Coated in mucus and eucalyptus
And dry as toast
Your accumulation stings.
Builds around my every-thing
Traps me, while you sag on limbs
Sapping at the sight of heat, you
Squelch beneath studded rubber
Soles, and unsuspecting stockings

We react to you in opposites
Sway a daydream tropical
In stiff and childish ways of yours, you drop your toys
Ground to numbing dust
So it falls among the rest of us just waiting
For your twin's return

It's not your choice, to have remains
That soak the grains of greater plains
That lavish in the wreck of your rule.
But to keep the warmth, from coming on
Long after silver bells are gone
Are cold and jealous actions of a fool.

Always gonna want your name
Sharpied
At the front of my shirt
Always gonna scream from the stands the way I did for you
And just fake the way I do, my lungs stay true

Never gonna
Stop missing the way your mouth wanted air
But when it had my lips?
For air, it no longer cared
Though my lips may be shared with the cold until they're blue
I'll just fake the way I do, my lips stay true

Always hated it
When you ran your fingers through my one curl
I worked so hard!
But you never ceased
And you loved it up
Tucked up in a bun and you melted over me like butter
Wish I could recreate the lines on my skin you drew
Still fakin' the way I do, my hair and skin? Are true

Forever I'm going to sit
Unprepared
Move my mind in stills to touch your translucency
Never seen eyes so fixed, they stuck to me
Baby you know me, I look everywhere
But only have eyes for you
So I'll fake the way I do, my eyes stay true

And the way my heart used to twirl
Like a heart-wrought lover with a head of curls
My life was a movie

When the feature ended you were an actor
Captured by the role of raptures
Tired of faking what was always there
Problems nesting themselves in my hair to my brain
To my eyes
My lungs
They all tell me I have no room, to be with you
But they can all just fake it, 'cause my heart stays true.

Not like eggs in a frying pan
Prying them shyly as to not burn your breakfast
It's not like
the leaves as their moisture dissipates
as their color fades
Its spine rolling forward, rolling up onto its edges,
Its legs.
It can be something like
The way a dress fits snugger
On your torso, when it looked so wide, laid flat.
The circumference, the girth, of a moment
Underestimated.

But if even water shrinks when frozen
How much smaller is my mind
when my molecules stop moving,
when my motives less inclined?

I'm not stepping back from ledges
I'm not broken, on the mend
I'm just pulling away from the edges
Pulling away again.

When you recollect
All you troubles
What do you do, is it all untrue?
Who do you even tell them to?

When someone's driven out the color
The laughter in their days,
I suppose you've chosen the best solution,
And that's to run away

I refuse to stand in the weight of your path
Comprehend your childish math
Could you be more specific,
About whose time you wish to waste?

So spout about your plans
The places you'll be seeing
It could matter less to me
When you have no moral being

I wish that we had exchanged stories
Opened up some long locked doors
But would I even see you?
Would you hide away some more?

I wish someday, you'd come around
Find the problems to address
I once was glad to call you a friend
But now you're a victim, at best.

Correct, as the night
So make your choice, is it fight or flight?
High
As a kite
From consistency, it would only seem
That the time is ripe
Just cut it clean

Finding the bind
That will coincide between my mind
You say yours is lost, but mine is fine
A change
In pace
But there's enough sound to go round
Slow down, this ain't a race

Reaching out to teach me doubt
Gave a **** what you're about
Can't make a decent rhyme
So he punches walls
***** it all
Puts me down,
Then he's alright

It would seem only fair
If you'd touch my hair
or maybe there...
Martyr's fine,
but a downer's rare

Custody of my two feet
belongs to you, but they look at me
Say, "where to go?"
So I shift my stance, turn my lungs around
lets my lips say "I don't know."

I'll have my thought-provocative chamomile island
Hold your breath if you'd like
As long as it lasts, I'll pull you to the pools
Where the warmth doesn't sink nor spike
It bubbles with treasure awaiting
Marked as rubble that keeps procreating
These caverns, they'll be warm as a mother's arms
The sea life will smile back, warm
As the breeze that will dry your walk home

This is sand I could sleep on, sand that couldn't exfoliate, it's
Smaller than your pores
The roar of a ******, the waves arching spine
Sighing as the loamy foam symbolizes sweet decline
Rind of the ***** sun
So ripe it could puncture with your own thumb
Heated juices soak the soil
Feed the trees, learn your new roots
Swaying palm leaves lap your back
Laughter breaks out in the mouth of the land

Pigmented petals kiss your core
The trustworthy breeze tucks around your form
Of course you'll be staying, even though you never went
We'll pass our days more perfect than the prior hours spent.

Sing me a song of
This romance gone wrong
It sounds so intriguing, I can
Barely contain myself

I'm sorry, do I come off brash?
I feel distracted
Can I bite your skin?
Find the troubled,
Insecure soul deep within?

Why are you so tense?
Your skin's like an apple's
You both taste like rain
Strange...
Don't feel like playing games?

Sorry, this is coming off as nasty
Don't worry, I'm done
Just pass me by
There's a shard in your eye
As big as the touch that used to make me cry

Could I still be a stranger,
Though you know every turn?
Could confidently travel
Every bump, every curve
You love this land
Try to pick out parts that enthrall you the most
But by now,
You've said they're all your favorites
And I like that

If I'm an animal then you are my instinct
My predetermined pawprints and my next neck to breathe down
The limbs that help me prowl around
The air that dances with my tail,
Applying force where I cut the air

Forgive me I'm not good at this
Do I flaunt my step or **** my hip?
Fake being ansy or bite my lip?
Or we ***** this odd rhythm and skip right to the drop
I don't know what you're doing but I won't tell you to stop.

Can a silver cord bring you back?
To your hair, your luminescent messy headed shards of gold.
It moves in a coil
Like a snake, or a Slinky.
Quakes like your curls.

The beads are perched, one next to the other.
Perfect and sagging in a bend like a timeless smile
Like yours
Each bead a tooth, each
makes me smile back at you.

And the colors
The colors, the colors.
They are your moods, your rounded flaws.
So great and right.
If I could wear you every day, If I could wear you every day.

We are so young yet
Feel so done
Each milestone wraps a bow
Around an old run finalized
Let's take the new one for a spin
A journey untouched is just one to begin

We've waded in the waters of everyday
So boring, so gray
We want alochol!
The ferment of life,
Let me lull in it all
Let me dive in and feel
The bubbles in my nose
The fizzing of my mind
The growing of my carelessness
The numbing of my toes

Sip it, hold the fruit of life
It's heavy and dense but easy to slice
The skin is a facade, a
Surface just longing
To be punctured
Be prodded
Peel away all its wronged

So strange
How the flesh of our lives is repitition unearthed
But from my deirvation,
A new life,
I give birth.

Sunkissed and messy headed
Blessed be that fashion sense
Her tangled mane is a metaphor, a facet
To her mangled brain
Not in the cute black-and-white, scrawled notecard manner
A carved-out, paper cut of a sheet
Crammed in the bottom of her bottle brained backpack

Worse than the weekly
Chic self-harmed hipbones,
She sits and eats and watches the world from the real world clones
The blanket's just hot enough to cook her down
Reduced to the ruched Jovani gown

She's got lists of friends, you have to
Scroll down a page
It even has to load awhile
Then why's your radius clear of anyone?
Pixelated fixtures of her mind, too close to miss her
Too close to care
So close, all they are's aware

Minds drone, like bone picking
Knowing you're the stick in the mud
Warm blood behind a boil, just kicking for
Another tab to click in

She's been braless awhile now
Profiled with purchases levels lapping her current state
She pinches skin impatiently, chocolate scouring her teeth
It's the bitter taste of something so horribly surface
They erase away the beneath.

I feel as though I have found peace, as the pieces have found me
Stuck to my skin, want to push within
But for now I let them be.
I'll drink with you tonight my friends, let laughter build me so elate
But at home my mind waits
Thoughts are clawing through gates
It purrs as it asks, "Why so late?"
I sink to the abyss, bobbing my head
Trying so hard to tread in these doubts and these bouts
As soon as something's clarified it finds a hole and flourishes
And the fears I've repressed, it nourishes
The animal inside that coerces me to abide
And let it have my courage.

"Let yourself feel what you feel,"
It's not hard to argue that the feeling is real
It's primal, this feeling
But still keeps me reeling every time you've upset to a point where I'm lost.
And even in these times of tough navigation
I find brutal elation in the fact that you want me
So stay, disappoint me, corrode while I watch thee
A same mistake twice is just one time to little
Because I know you take pleasure in the way you belittle.

That soft, sensitive side turns so raw, becomes blind
My words hit like seashells on diamond, and slide
The hopelessness curls in my stomach and sighs
Just a night gone awry, just a night gone awry.

Wish I had something more to give
Than what is given to me
I'll provide some stale, bland
Day-old bread and some hospitality
Don't be taken at the little eyesight
Conveys when love takes hold
The peripherals that passion gathers
Is the greatest you'll ever know
Your morning breath is perfume
My bubbly laugh is wine
Our three course meal is the sizzling of
Our fingers intertwined

My will is all but cracking
As my threshold strips of pain
And even though it's familiar
It's a joy to be free of the game

The endless nights of fretting
That can now bring me no harm
When I'm encircled in a bed of hope
And my blankets, are your arms.

My hair is feeling good today
Moves about my fingers with a sound like rain
Soft like a sigh, they let me breathe
The strands hold no effort, only shine
I bow my head and it slinks to the table
Laughs with a swoosh
And slides on the slab
Quivers with itself

They are arms, extensions
Of my mind
I turn my head and they ready themselves
Pirouetting, gracefully prepared
It falls and hushes across my shoulders
Reptillious and curious, self-entertained

Each movemnt is an earthquake
An electric shock that pulses and jumps
Coiled up length that frames me so
Sit in a new way that I don't know.

What you're going through is normal
I don't feel normal

You have friends and family that love you and want to help you
I want him

Hurting yourself won't fix anything
That means it can't hurt anything, either

This feeling fades, it goes away
I don't want it to go away

It was a great love
It still is and I'm never letting go

I gave him everything

... Everything?

**Everything.

If she let it hit her
At a run or at a crawl
She would feel it the same way,
She'd feel it not at all

Some taste life on their tongue
In purples, reds and golds
But by the time she swallows it
It's aleady gone old
She reaches not for sweet
Not rare or medium well
How can you have a preference
When you can't even tell

Sometimes
It hits her like a wave
It crushes her, she's scared
That is until she realizes
She doesn't even care

If a piece of paper folds 7 times,
She'll fold over 8.
If everyone has their time and place,
Then it looks like she'd be late

'Cause life fits her into places
She didn't know she'd go
And people gave her knowledge, she didn't
Know she'd know
But when molecules
of thoughts and dreams
Don't look anything, like you thought they'd seem
Then what is your life made of?
That's whens she feels nothing

I cannot fathom a particle
More beautiful than stardust
It builds from core to sediment
To rocks and slabs of ocean floor
The grass that dies and breathes again
The sand beneath my arches

The rubber soles
The air we breathe
The air we share, the air we need
We care for youth until they're meant
To add more forms of sediment
They'll cry, and their babies
Will cry
Not quite out of frustration, but everybody's inclination
And urge to touch the sky

Because we can't breathe this vicious air
We belong to the world up there
Of imploding super nova sights
The nebulas crossing like interstate highways
The traffic of matter holds orbit over all

You can take pride in the life you live
In the air you breathe
In the joy you give
But as for power? Nothing.
Humbled is what you are
Even behind your material goods
You're just the remnants of a star.

Abiding in tidy quarters
In which space I will confine
But my life is full of hoarders,
Pack things rashly in my mind

Some more obvious, some more subtle
Seems likely I'll never
See through the rubble.
Rational thought can be transferred
Transplaced
Deterred
Through the nostalgia of a *** once stirred

Finding divets of respect
For those who expect me
To level at their self inflicted debt
Is beyond words that come to be

Break the dams down of succession
Find my daily dosed oppression
Is within the people I reside
I can't run, cause they know where I hide.

Move with me; I've moved with you
Contorted into mentalities by body couldn't do
Just to watch you stay untrue
I can't reflex anymore,
I'm deadened to your dramatic lores.

Done waiting for the progress
For reciprocation past due
Cause I'm waiting to wane this fever,
And the antidote's not you.

I wish you loads of fortune
Cashews
And grains of salt from foreign grounds

I wish you mobility
Through a sky not travelled by
I wish for you to dream and fly

Enjoy the fair food
Like it's wine
I wish for you to pass the time
With humble thoughts you won't admit
Abandon the life to which I couldn't commit
To which I fix that, bit by bit

And last of all
I wish you immaturity
The ability to love and lose, to lick you lips
To close your eyes
And choose

And I wish there was a better way
If common sense can't mend the break
Love like this is far too light
So I'll sit knee deep and drunk in history
Stroke blonde hair, and curse all night.

I met a void the other day
He speaks in stutters and rolls his tongue
Talks in slang, then ambles away

And later when I pondered him I wondered
Why both sides of my pillow are soiled
And my journal tastes of salt

I lace these minions with my love
Pull each apart
Too occupied to face my bare heart

So littered and heated with old despair
And for as long as he cares
The void is there.

You can't hear me talk, can barely hear me sing
My apologies fall deaf on you and what washes over, stings
I fall head first into your ocean, enveloped in waves of rough cement
But through this capture you are peaceful
My battered form makes you content

It's funny how they call the past, the past,
And not the present
You greet the currency of times with nothing but resent
You tell me you know what I see
Laugh toothily as I fall to my knees
Engulfed with pain deeper, than my own
As I watch you fall steeper

It is impossible to stamp the blame
To disrupt your flawless form
I wouldn't dare to place a mark on you, nor tell you what you've worn
I'll motivate my stiffened mind, though you tell me that I can't
Collective moments form the clog
And I have become the ant

It comes as no surprise that
Your comfort scares me so
Behind each understanding is a reckless anecdote
A fury-littered monologue
A venom worded rant
The apology won't matter
Cause I am still the ant

It's difficult to swallow, though
My pills were hours ago
I softly stroke the future that I know is doomed, but floats
It treads above the water, as buoyant as it can
I guess future doesn't matter
I will always be the ant.

I only know my idle shows
When the beads fall down my back
The more I show my colors
The more my favorite's black.

It surrenders to the drain
No symmetry, no pain
And I wonder why
I can't wash away like that
When the people that I've come to know
Would rather
Let their idle show
It paints one of the colors that I lack

If you could drag a brush through time
Smother it, and stroke a line
I'd want it to be solid
And precise

Cause when you soak the paper through
With a wet brush with little hue
You think that I see something
Then it rips, and I see you

Let's skip the part where
You pretend to care
Cause your kind of cruelty's very rare

So with peace of mind
I'll wave and smile
And won't save you from your self denial

Don't be acting so sly
I know where your eyes are
They're surveying my life
Reading my poetry, my handwritten strife
They're not all about you but enough to seem off

But you went looking,
Found your place
Of which you'd like to stay
Made a fire from your own self assurance
And a bed for you to lay
With poems so many it's an avid invitation
But isn't complete without your blonde inclination

So read these, I dare you, cause this one's for you
And you'll remember the cornbread
You devoured
And who
We ran into at Westcustago Park
You'll remember the 29th
We had in the month of May
You'll recall each crazy, impossible day
As much as I recall, Mr. Elvankal
And I do, recall them all.

Treat the lemon
Like it's rain
Find the rind's weak side and cringe
Blowing softly at the fringe it delights the mind for one,
Whole night

You smile in rows
In columns and dots
They line me up and slather me with offense
Knock one down and forget the rest

Look at me for two whole seconds
Just enough time to make me start
The hungry thunder of my heart
The warmth spreads like a second skin
And a nasty laughter folds within
How've I been, how've you been?

Knead the dough until it's dry
Knead until your knuckles crack
Fold over but it never shrinks
Just enough to make you think
Keep running 'til I die.

My hair gets caught in everything and I,
I'll never really learn to sing
I'm alive and all my limbs, their working
I should get it the **** together.

But I forgot to mention how I'm shaped like a square
How my legs will not pass that eight minute mark
I eat til I'm sick and I'm afraid of the dark
I am space unfiltered.

If people are acidic then I am a base,
There's no thing I've not done that is not in bad taste
I'm a good person only cause if not, I'm a waste
I feel jilted.

A casserole of other peoples roaming vices
Not mysterious enough to be considered lifeless
It's not dreadful, or sad
It's not even a crisis

The prescription exists and it says to just fade
Just fade until the ground becomes sky
Not depressing, nor anguished
I've already complied

I'm here to check names and recognize faces.
I'm here to watch people fill their perfect circle spaces.

Sick and tired
Of being good at looking fine
Where should my heavy head go when I cry?
Not on a shoulder
You're not showing the signs

How odd that it is that
When you talk about your's
And I talk about mine
We're speaking in differing tongues, and times
Mine is far back down the line

Where is my circle of sobbing friends?
My pats on the back,
Or someone other than my mother
To keep me on track
Someone other than a figure
Glasses, sweater
That can trigger progression
Without stripping my family
Of groceries for the week

Where is the understanding
That I was indeed in love
To the point where I panicked
Flew a line
Blew my sanity
And ran it all the way back to what
I must be and remain
Just an awkward, sophomore
Scatterbrain.

I can only sweep the same
place so many times
Thrilling, debilitating way to live
Let's debate about which side should give

No, I won't turn my head
To anything other than hair so blonde and
Bones so long
Watch me as I adjust what's mine
I'll push myself while you keep time
So right
So clean


Our tongues frill and jump
As sarcastic formings flee our lungs
Stick it to me
I'm a sucker for a hopeless case
Don't make me chase what's not there.

Can't write a poem
Though a poem is my home
It's the place where I roam

If I can make things rhyme
In time in time in time
Too many syllables ****
****.
Can't think of much to rhyme with **** so
Lamb Lamb Lamb

Or I could be romantic
A rose knows how to tie bows
So it curls its toes and wrinkles its nose
Prose Prose Prose

Unfortunately, I am just me
An incomplete, awkward poem-to-be
But I persist and jot my lines
To a world where I am **undefined.

I've checked into a place
Much like this before
The furniture lined with restriction
Woven worries don the upholstery at the floor
It is a waiting room white as tight knuckle skin
Black diamonds adorn the door
There is a small zen garden
In the corner, on a table
Existing but for use as nothing
It contains no sand or rocks or rake
Delicate plant life around the room
But not a drop of soil at its base
A bowl of peppermints, but only for those with
An acquired taste

Familiarity takes a swig
Burns in the tummy
Of the hearth of the room
Only here does the fire stay cold
And only here is the news always old.

Lover
Float to me unraveled
Wrap me in your arms of travel
Let your fingers prattle on

Your shirt, my skirt
I feel unearthed
Tell falling fractions of my climb

A line
Strewn from frown to frown
And as one flies up,
The other floats down
Lips are not full with atoms but with laughter

Stardust is ******
The clippings of a song
The dresses hem
A lemon rind
A dog who bit too many times

A stitch in the side
Don't play with your food,
Can't you tell when I'm in a good mood?
We're firing on cylinders
And prisms, cubes and cones
I feel liquid limelight in my eyes
I can taste it in my bones

Digging back from China
We're channels in the ground
But we can make a life well spent
The second time around.

Fall into the hollow feeling
Of giving all the time
Derivatives of my appeal
Will justify a crime

Wrapped in one own's self resent
Relationships are resident
Glance at primer peeling on the ceiling
Rooms are vacant past first floor
Content with not expecting more
Interactions feel like I am stealing

If some could see the sediment
Left of peoples' good intent
Sifting of ignorance
Dry with self exuberance
To kneel and watch it run through my fingers

Make a pact of solitude
The signature will last til noon
Apologies in schema with a meaning
I guess it's just a waiting game
Not that there's anyone to blame
That humankind itself is always fleeting

I can't explain who
I can't explain why
I can't even explain what, but
I'll just have to try
Because friends, they're the glue that assembles my mind
They're the day's daily tread
They are the thread of my life

But, I would stand my ground for each one of you
Cradle your head as you cried, told you things that aren't true
So wait,
Are you a friend of the memorable kind?
Am I the seed of this plant
Or the unspoken rind?
I define this, but crumple it and toss it away
Do I define those who go, or judge when they stay?

So call me in distress, when your friends have parted ways
Trade with me the garments that we'll wear every other day
Share with me the word that we've defined all on our own
And let me give you reason to live
When all your others are on loan

It's somewhat of a hobby, a pastime I can grasp
Let's clear away your awful thoughts, or feed them as they pass
Whatever makes you safer, or feel just less alone
I'll hold your hair back
Hold your hand
Or let you use my phone

They say, there's a reciprocal
A counterpart to all
A indebted soul is restless
And it needs somewhere to fall

But I can't take anything from you
Even when you've asked of me
But it circles around, feels so nice to be found
A friend, is what I'd like to be.

The pretty people do the drugs
The criminals will do the time
The homely people do the work
Inside,
They don't like what they find
They don't have you
The way I do
Your t-shirt's large but belongs right here

You think I'm hot in yesterday's get-up
You prefer me when I'm fresh from a morning
When we both have a twang of slight halitosis
You're gross
But you loved the smell of my hair

I know that it's wrong
To think of you and grin
To recall the definition of your chin
The freckles on your chest
You hated them, wanted them removed
And I'd shake my head
And press my nose against your neck

Remember when we used to dance?
Front and center, your locks of gold would gather
Corkscrew
And condensate
Salty, sweet times
I'll find them once again.

Just act aloof and overhead
Like a plane less inclined
for its needs at the ground
Take a drag of what's in your hand,
Let time run as fast as sand
This life is unattached as your intentions are complete

It's looking out over a choppy sea
Where everyone's riding it fine but me
They don't care if they drown,
That's how they maintain
Easier than a relationship
to sustain

I'm angry
I am angry and ill
Ill with my allies weak sense of will
I believe in energy, the transfer of waves
I believe what you give is what is returned
And also I know that people don't learn.

It's the circle of all, taken down by the larger
Wouldn't want my dependents to starve
They tear and they take
My words healing their hurt
Once they've pawed through the bones,
I return to the dirt.
Once again,
With the earth.
Me and Her.

And if I decompose then
I will wait below,
Just more ground you can tread on
Just more plants that won't grow.

Miss the crying
Miss the lies
Miss the tying binds of lives
Entwined
So forever yours,
And mine

Miss the roughness
Of masculine taste
Of feminine want
Of lust long erased
Of a smoldering fire
That we never replaced

To find something new
Is impossibility
Is there a box where you hold
My discretion, my sanity?
My illusions?
Me?

It's riskier than you might think
To mention skin as being "pink"
To a girl that's tried to wash away
The hopeless thought of being gray

Orange is such a pleasant tone
On clothes and walls and college dorms
And lamps,
And fruit,
But coating the pigment of someone's arms?
That's okay,
It's not me they're trying to charm


But it's curious...
Why be afraid?
Of the Sun's
"Terrible",
"Damaging",
"Harmful" rays?
But if skin is preferred oily and white
It's not me who judges for a ghostly sight

But I
As a child of the Sun,
As is everyone,
I could run to and from
The beach
And never bleach
Or dye
A piece of me
Because I know it will reach every crease of me and kiss
My skin,
So warm with bliss
And let the embrace
Brush the plains of my face
And over my skin I let it graze
And leave just a taste of summer's glaze.

I learned of insecurities
The day I learned of birds and bees
They're a pair, but not together
This was just coincidence

Painted nails
Garage sales
Cheating males
And giving my two cents

I feel the heel of doubting hate
Hold me down
But hesitate.
The distinction between
Stop and
Wait
Astounds me
Surrounds with a feeling like

Is there a lost that knows the way?

Push back the gag reflex for this capsule
Blue as pooling engine coolant
Reached for some water, made it faster
Or it will be stuck in my chest all day

How not to let delusion
Elude your feeling for his grasp
Keep you unglued in solitude
To watch your own collapse

Bereft of arms that hold you still
When scrambled minds go underdone
Your their's to pick apart
And some
Your timeline half erased will mill

Perfect as you've made it, you're never far apart
From a brick wall crack
From another attack
In a circle, pass the start.

Today is a day for wishful thinking
Or day long television marathons
A day of binging until your soul wears thin

Today is a day for bleaching
Licking envelopes so they will
Rip when pried
Just to hide what they hold

Today is a day for sacrifice
To sacrifice depriving yourself
Don't be so greedy about the amount you ignore

Today is a day to sit and cry
Even though you don't know why

Today is one of the days you can let yourself lull in the
Hangover of love
To feel the buzz of everyone else's call
But want no one else at all
This, is the day to waste away

Maybe yesterday was forbading
And tomorrow may be delayed
But I've put my foot down
I'm not ******* around
Because today?
Is a happy day.

As a sea wishes it could see
A bee longs for more to be.
And I wish to meet the eye
Of every passing passerby

A waist that wants to waste away
The monster that prays for every prey
The one that wishes it could have won
A nose that knows,
A toe that tows
The burden of an ode I've always owed.

The doubt is encircling
The negativity nauseates
My inner soul
I can't control what you think
Of me
The one you claim to love,
To want,
To need,
To treat better.

I guess a mistake is better left unspoken
But then where's the truth?
In the corner,
Broken?

For the amount you claim
To put out
I get out nothing,
But this heartbroken drought
And you ******* believe,
That I live for these doubts?
And what's perfect,
Is you're something I can't live without

I can't take all this hurt
Steal a glance, walk away
Can't breathe deep
And rewind
So it all goes away
No no no
Your blows are something that won't start to stray
They will stay
And will stay
And will stay and watch me
All
Day

It may sound cliche
But it always rings true:
I can never escape
When my heart lies with you.