I miss you
Now you only exist through photographs
     And I wonder if you smile between the frozen moments I see of you
   I plead its true
          Cause I'm bleeding new negatives of myself
    But the only pain I've felt was putting you on a shelf
                 I can't see it any different
    I think of you an infant and now I see you crawling and I wanna call your momma but I wonder if it matters and when to cut ties
     I cut all the veins until most of it died
     I got blood on my hands but most of it dried
  Somehow the blood mixed with filth and a vine grew inside
      And I wonder if I can touch your face if I climb

        *When is all lost?
When its all tossed aside and goes out with the tide?
                   I need a vanilla sky to make a horizon and bring back the water
             Meanwhile I hear mommas having a daughter and I want her to be a doctor automatically
     Cause success is something none of us ever got to see

I hope that I lurk in the corners of your mind, creeping out into the light when you're alone.
I hope that when you hear my name, your heart secretly hammers in your chest.
I hope that you stare at the back of my head when you think no one is looking.
I hope that when you imagine your future children, they have my eyes.
I hope that the sweetest part of your favorite song is reserved for thoughts of me.
I hope that you are most completely and utterly wrapped around my little finger.
Now aren't I selfish?
I hope you are too.

The undeniable truth
Is that I feel I'm the only one
In this questionable relationship
Really trying to make something work
I've been more heartache
So any excuse that you've been hurt
Wont affect me
I've been used just for ***
Played with and dragged along
Rag doll to her pretty little fingertips
The truth is I dont see us together
Much longer if we're together now
Ever if we're not
I see me getting hurt again
Being used and mislead
I see me just getting snagged
In your trap you call eyes
Its only me in this
I dont know about you
But I learned to dance with another person
Or ever danced at all when I was alone
The truth, you wanted it
Me and you would be pointless
You doubted me to begin with
I doubted myself then
Here I go again
Doing it all over
Just on repeat
Because I'm too scared to tell you myself
But what's to stop me from
Telling everyone here
The truth **** it
Is that I'm madly in love with you
States away and I'm trying
The fears and realizations
Factors and data
Spreadsheets and diagrams
How the hell am I supposed to believe it
That I'm losing the only ******* thing
That's ever meant something to me
I can't take this
Scars are reopening
Liver is getting abused
Lungs suffocating
I dont know what to do
I dont know how to react
What the **** is the point of trying
When everything seems to just fail
I am insane
I am ******* crazy
But **** it I dont need a reminder
I draw pictures for you
You haunt my mental state all hours of the day
Yet I dont want to be the one to only say
Good morning
Goodnight sweet dreams
I love you
I'll just go back to talking to myself
Ridding myself of all these emotions
Become a shell that doesn't give a ****
The truth my love
Is that everything seems pointless
And you can't put it in perspective
For me to understand
I try telling you
What's wrong with me
Why I'm so short with you
Why I'm distant for no apparent reason
This is why
Its all to no avail
But of course you'll never care
You'll never change
I'm the zero in your equation
Completely redundant and pointless
All I wanted was a life with you
A future that I could be proud of
Where you wont feel fear
Only know love and compassion
But now I see if all fading
That's expected when its only one person
Holding hands with his shadow
Just to find love that he shows

There's something wrong
It hasn't rung
That very tune I love to hear
Love...
What's the point anymore
Just heartache and disappointment
Like an empty voicemail
Thinking maybe I missed it
Fell asleep in the middle of the day
Forgot to charge it
A relationship is all about communication
Yet there's none
You want me to tell you all my feelings
But maybe its pointless
Telling you I feel like a third wheel
Always being on the back burner
It feels as if you're toying with me
Like maybe there isn't one man here
But why wouldn't there be
We aren't together
Maybe that's where I keep fooling myself
My emotions blind me further
I've never felt this way
All this love and cheesy lines
Trying to get you to smile
I should just give up
Just stop
Like the ringtone that never rang

Growing up you want to be
Sleeping Beauty's knight
Snow Whites true loves kiss
Cinderella's prince charming
You want to be the reason
She has a happily ever after
Its all ******* fantasies
They never had a lick of truth behind them
False hopes for the young minds
Leading them to believe
Everything goes your way eventually
My happy ever after
Is everybody else's
Happily never ever
I find my solitude in the drugs
**** it all
The real me gets to run free
Carefree, **** it all
All those promises of me quitting
My happiness is in the alcohol
The whiskey of a dragons fire
Soaring down my throat
I want to get so ****** up
I have to look down to find heaven
So this prince of stupidity
Lived happily never ever
Drowning in a pool of his *****
Choking himself in mountains of anger
Always feeling like the last thing
On everyone's mind
Just a nuisance
Saying he loves her
Saying hello to him
It was all pointless to begin
So they lived happily ever after
When he finally shot himself.

I dreamt of you last night
Standing before me
Eyes teary and ageless
Perfect cemetery for my heart
When I look at you
I die inside
Because its only just a dream
I can't wake to your face
Smiling like we just went on an adventure
Came back from a peaceful paradise
Found each other in hopeless times
I no longer can have a picture of you
Set as my lock screen
Without wanting to fall to pieces
I can't have you with me
No matter how hard I try
These feelings rattle
From questions to fears
I'm to scared to ask
My notes in my phone
Hold every secret I can mumble
But us, a me and you, its only a dream
Even though dreams come true sometimes
I still have to wonder
Is this dream destined for reality
When I dont even know
What it is I'm waiting for
It feels as if something is missing
A que wasn't made
Or perhaps I'm a lunatic after all
And my dreams seem to bury me
In every possible way conjured up