there are certain things
that i only think about
late at night
while the moon
smirking down
looms
full and brilliant
encouraging me to consider
everything broken

there's an answer there somewhere
it promises

by morning
epiphanies fade
never held long enough
never followed through

squinting
against the sun's condescension
i'm reminded of the moon
and it's smirk
but this time
there is no trust

You're not really a baby, no more than I am an adult at 20.
I'm struggling to find the words to tell you that I understand.
I have been where you are.
I went through those days and nights when it felt like the world was against me.
Oh the nights were worse than the days, nothing like the ticking of a clock to make you feel alone.
Growing up isn't easy, kids at school are cruel and dumb.
I coped the way you're coping too.
Turned my body into a canvas in which I only painted with red.
Hid behind hoodies and long sleeved shirts.
Told mom and dad white lies about my newly painted "artwork".
So I'm not just some concerned family member condescendingly saying that I understand, I actually do.
I have fought that battle, and some days I still do.
I've been stuck in that darkness, felt the need to open myself up to fight my demons.
But baby brother, opening yourself up, painting those canvases will only win battles, and only for so long.
It takes family to really win that war.

When the day is done
the sunburned moon
breaks down on the lonely river.

Glistening in her tears
the river carries her away to the sea.

I did not give up. I let go. They are two different things. Letting go is the opposite of giving up. Letting go is moving forward. Letting go is going against every single heartbeat, swallowing every tear, cutting every string. Few people realize this, but letting go takes more courage, more strength, than holding on.

Greatest things will suffer hardest criticsm

And Rest all is history