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1.0k · Aug 2017
Devil in disguise
Torontoisart Aug 2017
Demonic angel with rage in his heart
Keeps himself numb from feeling
Expresses his pain through art

He covers himself with human skin
Walks with a smile on his face
And rejuvenates his thirst with sin

He's learnt their tongue
They hiss like snakes
With venom to **** their own mates

They are a foul species
Without even being conscious of their own demise
They drown in their own lies

How can you be a saviour to a aremegedon
He realises its time to rid of himself of this place
Wash out this sinister taste

They sin like demons
But walk around with halos above their heads
Pray every night beside their beds

He sees potential in a few and tries to keep them close
But he's afraid of a feeling that tells him
They will drink from his soul and overdose

They will leave him dry and lifeless
He must remain cautious and stay on this earth
It may have some worth

-T
675 · Dec 2017
The Wall
Torontoisart Dec 2017
I have no grasp on my feelings anymore
I lost track of them crying on my bed room floor

Ive lost all sanity
All grip on reality

Standing against a tall wall
Knees weak from the journey and about to fall

I stare blankly at the wall with tears at the end of my eyelids
I cry out a scream of helplessness to anyone who would hear
But as always I am left alone to quiver in fear

With my fist tightened I throw it to the wall
A sharp sting grows within my fist and tears begin to fall

I fall to my knees and hold my wrist
With tears in my eyes I shout to the heavens and raise my ****** fist

The heavens shout back with a thunderous roar
And a rod of lighting strikes the soil beside me
At that moment a new feeling was born inside of me

I pull myself up and throw my fists to the wall
Over and over I punish my fists
And as tears fall down my eyelids

I begin to see the wall weakening to my fists
I throw another one and blood begins to pour to the floor
And I begin to realise I am at war

I look down to my ****** fists
I roll them up into a ball for one last try
And try hold the tears in as I cry

I set myself up and throw my fist to the wall
With the impact, the shock of my hands shattering sends me to the ground
And I lay there with no sound

I punch the devil in the face and come back to life to see...

The wall has been broken and I have been set free.

-T
It has been an eventful year full of heartbreak , tears and some joy. Tha k you to all that have taken their time to read my poetry I really appriciate you all. Torontoisart.
654 · Jan 2018
Smoke And Mirrors
Torontoisart Jan 2018
When she promised to never leave
She forgot to mention the card she had in her sleeve

When he promised to keep you from your demon
But left you on the floor screaming

When she held your heart in her hand and then threw it to the cold floor
Spat in your face and walked out the door

When he kissed your forehead before you slept
Then out of your bed he crept

When she whispered she loved you in your ear
Then was the reason for a tear

When he held your hand when you walked down the street
Just to leave you at night drowning your bed sheet

When she made you smile day and night
Then she was out of sight

When he noticed the little things about you
Just for you to realise the promises were never true

When she made you trust her completely
Then made you feel like jumping of the balcony

When he looked you in your eyes and said he loved you
Then bid you adieu.

-T
For all the girls and boys that have been heartbroken and lied to by so men they loved dearly. This is for you And I.
634 · May 2017
Star
Torontoisart May 2017
The amount of simplicity in the air has me craving for your complex soul
You're beauty only lustfull
You make a empty man whole

You're a work of art so majestic so pure
You're young yet not childish
You're superior so mature

With your abundantly overflowing aura
You make me question my religion
You have me reading the Torah

Your body like the oceans waves
It kills are the people who dare to stare
You end up digging graves

Lets get lost it space and wonder about
We could be two wonderous bodies
Look into each others eyes and make out

Let me explore the the magnificent perfection you are
Let us be blissful
Let me kiss you on a star.

- T
587 · Dec 2017
I Deserve It
Torontoisart Dec 2017
I deserve all this pain and torment
Cut my writs and numb my heart
Use the blood to create your art

Cast the stones
Break my bones

Let me choke on my blood
Agonising but deserving death
Loosing each and every breath

Hold a gun to my heart and pull the trigger
Let the bullet flow through me like fish through water
Let this be my ultimate slaughter

Round my neck with a noose
Tighten it and make sure it is not loose

Tie an anchor to my feet and throw me in the ocean
Let my scream not be heard
And my vision be blurred

Lay me on the road and run me over
Let the tyres crush each and every bone
Let my existance become unknown

Throw me into the fiery pits of hell
Let my flesh burn to ash
Then throw the remains in the trash

Throw me out of a plane
And let my life flash before my eyes
Let me remember all the lies
Let me remember all the forgotten cries
Let me remember all the false allies
And as I look at my final sunrise

Let me say...

I deserve it.

-T
All the pain, the torture that has happened or coming my way. I desereve it.
577 · Mar 2018
A demon dressed in white.
Torontoisart Mar 2018
The drugs numb the pain
For a brief moment
I forget that I’m insane

Fists bleeding from self destruction
I cry out to anything listening out there
Yearning for an abduction

Eyes bleeding
Wrist screaming

My soul is tired of living
Slowly becoming unforgiving

She held my heart in her hand
Dropped it on the floor
Made me feel like a one night stand

She hissed so many lies into my ear
I thought it was love I felt
But it was fear

Fear of getting hurt
Fear of being left in the dirt

My heart would ache at night
I would call for you
And you’d be out of sight

The demons comforted me
The told me to sell my soul
If I wanted to be made whole

You were an angel craving chaos
I was a demon seeking peace

But in the end
You become the demon.

A demon dressed in white
Lurking in the night.

-T
I know I’ve been MIA but Toronto is here.
564 · Sep 2017
Notice me.
Torontoisart Sep 2017
Run your fingers down my spine
Let our love be bliss
Let us take our time

The world moves too fast
I regret not fulfilling each moment
Its why I regret my past

The chances I've had to be happy are gone
The words left unsaid
Adventures I could have wondered upon

I would stare at your lips imagining their taste
But I would sit there frozen
And that moment would go to waste

I would look back to it and a tear would break
My cheeks would turn pale
And my body would begin to shake

I've turned so cold from the lack of your love
I've become dark and empty
And have been used by plenty

Those moments that never happend have destroyed my character
There is nothing left of me
I've vanished to thin matter

Will you come looking for me?
Or will I be forgotten
Like a apple that rolled under the bed and has turned rotten

-T
Maybe Toronto can have a new beginning, a new beginning with someone new. Torontoisart. Notice me world. Notice me before I am gone. It's all I want.
541 · May 2017
Together
Torontoisart May 2017
He put you in a transe of which you couldnt get out of
He made you think he was your true love

What you loved about him was his mind
What you didnt know he was making you blind

You two connected on a mystical level
You two were at a mental state sitting on a petal

You were hurt that he left you for another
But I think it was a chance to rediscover

Dont say you will never love again
That you afraid of all the pain you'll gain

But I know how to take care of a girl like you
I already know your favourite colour is blue

I might not be the intellectual person you want
But Im as authentic as an old style font

We can have deep thoughts and talk all night
Our talks would be pure , pure as white

Look into my soul and see how I feel
I feel a spark between us like an electrical eel

Only if you want, walk with me in this journey we call life
Take on the world together using a knife

- T
536 · Nov 2017
Let go.
Torontoisart Nov 2017
I realised I didnt have to live with the pain anymore
I had to let it all go
If I let the pain stay it would forever grow

If I let you stay you were going to destroy me
I had to save myself some pain
Before you turned me insane

You were a good girl trying to be bad
I was a bad boy losing himself

Voices telling me to let you go
Deep down I knew I had to
My heart knew what my mind didnt know

You were a parasite killing me slowly
I was falling so hard I didnt even see it
UntilI hit the very bottom of the pit

I wasnt chasing love, I was chasing my own demise
My heart thought it was love
But my soul was too wise

But how do you forget someone you once knew?
How do you cut her face out of your memories
How do forget someone who brought you to your knees

She never needed me.
The devil was her companion
But art was her passion

Maybe thats what kept me around for so long
But I saw your soul through your art
I saw right through you but the most important part

Was...

I had to let you go.

-T
I realised I didn't have to hurt anymore. I just had to let go and maybe I could find true happimes but time will reveal.
515 · Dec 2017
Season of Pain
Torontoisart Dec 2017
It is the season for heartbreak
When youll cry yourself a river
And drown yourself in the lake

You will find serpents dressed in diamonds
Taught to trick and break you
Break your heart into right into two

Falling into temptation is common for humans
You fall knowing that there is a chance you will crash
But then blame the other person for being rash

Humans are fools destined for destruction
Hurting each other like it was an instruction

No antidote can cure the pain inside
No person can tame that emotion
For that demon is wild

Pain is mental suffering or distress
It was that emotion you felt when your head was pressed on my chest

You cover the cuts with your bracelets
Numbing the emotional pain with physical pain
But at the end of the day there will be nothing you will gain

Give me your pain , let me take it away
Ill keep the demons out for as long as youll stay

It is the season of heartbreak
The revealment of all the beings that were fake

Take my hand and I will keep you sane
I will rid you of the pain

-T
440 · Jul 2017
Toronto touch
Torontoisart Jul 2017
My mind says one thing but my mouth says another. My words cause destruction.I leave a trail of pain wherever I go.

You were a fire. And my words were water. Now I that I have spoken to you. You are gone. The fire has gone out.

I gathered that I kept trying to change you. I kept saying I accept you. But did I. Do I. There
Is a constant fight going on in me. My mind vs my heart.

The voices. They tell me to say things. They tell me I deserve the pain. I should go through life with a dagger through my heart. They tell me that I'm worthless. I'm never going to be anything great. And I believe them.

People shouldn't be around me. Im poison to all thats around me. I'm highly lethal and should be kept away from human and all living things. Whatever I touch burns. Whatever I love perishes.

- T
With the midus touch everything you touch turn gold. With the Toronto touch everything you touch perishes burns.
433 · Nov 2017
Peace.
Torontoisart Nov 2017
Walking alone in the hallways
Hearing the echoes of your laugh bouncing of the walls
Reminiscing on better days

I dont feel empty anymore.
I am detached from reality, floating in a still state of mind
Trying to hide away in a place no one can find

Brick walls being built
Shutting away the voices
Running away from the guilt

"If we are ment to be. We will come back to each other," you said before you left
You took my heart and never brought it back in one piece
That should be considered as theft

My heartbeat used to beat for you
Now my heart aches beacuse of you

Regretting the moments I believed would last forever
Forcing myself to believe we werent ment to be together

A part of me still holds onto you
Losing hope but reaching out for you
Realising you wont do want I need you to

I never thought the dream would end
When it did my life became a nightmare
Happy moments became rare

You and me we were forbidden lovers
In a story that was eventually going to end in one of us leaving each other
I wished I listened to my mother

She warned me about you.
But addiction got the best of me
Thought that we were ment to be

I was wrong.

You left in peace
But left me in pieces.

-T
When she said she love me. Was she trully in love of me or was she in love with the thought of me?
432 · May 2017
Half empty promises
Torontoisart May 2017
he promised to never break your heart
but by time you realized he was lying
he tore it apart

he was trouble at first sight
he was deceiving you from the phrase "ill treat you right"

his dark brown eyes gave you a arousing  feeling you believed to be love
you felt like you were flying in cool air like a dove

without knowing you were going to crash on floor
you crashed. out of your eyes tears pour

he uses your tears to quench his foul thirst.

- t.
413 · Oct 2018
Grace
Torontoisart Oct 2018
This empty hole in my chest
Is from the pain your brought in my life
Pain I will never be able to put to rest

The smiles we shared
Will never be able to make up for the tears I shed.

Dreams turned to nightmares when you had left
You had the pleasure of breaking my heart  and had no sympathy when I wept

You are a demon none deserving of grace
You had the darkness inside of you to say the things you said to my face

The sweet sweet lies you hissed in my ear
I never knew demons could walk the earth
For I called one my dear

Now I lay here in a puddle of my own tears
Commencing my self destruction to run away from this feeling
I try not alert the neighbors with my screaming

I will never forget your face
You are the one that has brought me back to this place

A place where this pain will consume every inch of my body
Oh how I wish you would be sorry

You had eyes that could enchant a nation
But I saw the darkness in your eyes when you broke my heart with no hesitation

But...

I , with no doubt deserved the cruelty you inflicted in my life
I deserved to feel the hole in my chest
I deserved to have the tears that soak my vest

I am a foul creature not from this place
I am the evil being not deserving grace.

-T
I hope you all didn’t miss me too much.
389 · May 2017
Sunset boulevard
Torontoisart May 2017
The the raindrops hit the streets
Like how your tears splash unto your silk sheets

The bruises he left on your face
The rips he made on your lace
From the heated nights you had on the bed
When he kissed you like that night he would end up dead

He cupped your neck around his palms when he kissed you
When he whispers he loves you , with no hesitancy you did too

That was your greatest mistake

Loving him.

- t.
382 · Jul 2017
Resting
Torontoisart Jul 2017
I am not remedy to help you when you down
I'm not going to be there for you when the waves crash over you and you drown

I'll watch you drown and let you sink to the very bottom
As the water fills your lungs and you slowly fade away from existence
That will be my evidence

That overwhelming feeling of the water filling you up is how you made me feel
This feeling...it was real

You were dragging me down
No one could hear my cry, they took me for a lie
I was alone. Till I thought why

You filled my mind with the thought that you were the only person I needed
But you beat me down ad left me defeated

My soul leaves my body and as I ascend to a better place
I look down to my beat up, worn out, used and bruised body
All I can say is I'm sorry

To my body:
The kisses you recieved
I cleanse you now
I leave you pure and lifeless
I revoke the vow
It is death now that tore us apart
You were a great companion I clap for you and bow
As you descend to the soil, I throw a rose to you
You put up a great fight.

But its your time to rest now.

-T.
360 · Jun 2017
Downfall
Torontoisart Jun 2017
The pain creeps in through the door
I'm here with my heart aching
'Make the pain stop!!' I scream on the floor

I grab onto my bedsheets with hope to pull myself up
The world comes crashing down on me
I'm empty with no way of filling up

There is no cup to fill
I dont think I even exist
I pinch myself to make sure I feel

My soul runs dry
The tears no longer flow
I can no longer cry

I crawl on the cold floor
Making my way to the door
Trying to escape from this hell
But I'm locked in like a cell

"Why!!" I scream in denial
I'm left all alone
No one is coming back for a while

I've cried through the pain
But I've reached my pinnacle
No thing can keep me sane

I lied and said I'm okay
But here I am
On the floor I lay

Defeated by this cruel world, it won
I couldnt carry this pain anymore
It weighed more than a ton

7 billiom to be exact
The world is my pain
And thats a fact

I am worth of no cost
I am a broken soul
You can try find me
But I am lost.

-T.
Go follow my IG and dm me if you have anything to say to me. @rejecttoronto
343 · Jul 2017
4 a.m
Torontoisart Jul 2017
I lay here on my lifeless bed
tormented by my demons
all i hear are voices in my head

I'm a slave to  my own thoughts
and a victim to depression
all I feel is neglect

It is how Toronto was born
The rejection that kept coming my way
I'm haunted by it all night, I'm torn

I am weak
I fight a battle constantly in my own body
and I am on a losing streak

This pain. I've become numb to it
But I feel like I'm forever falling
I'm descending into a bottomless pit

I fall deeper and deeper and realize
Its not real
My mind was showing me lies

It was a trick
My mind is my enemy
It is so twisted and sick

My mind is envious of my happiness
It always finds a way to torment me
My life is just a mess

It's 4 a.m
I haven't shut my eyes
It really is a shame

I look to the ceiling and await my next punishment
I wait anxious
For my souls diminishment

-T
320 · Sep 2017
A Beautiful Destruction
Torontoisart Sep 2017
I stare at the screen
The words that I see, I dont want to believe it
I'm in so much pain , my soul wants to scream

It is the beginning of an end
Time to say my last words
For in the next day I will ascend

When you wake up. I'll be gone
My body will remain
As I escape from this pain

I'll leave you my heart
It was not mine anyway
It was a toy for the world to play

It was my purpose. To collect data
I was not meant to make any close relations
But try understand humans emotions

My purpose is incomplete
But I have to go
I need to erase my trace,leave a clean sheet

Wipe myself from peoples memories
I never existed, I was only a dream

My footsteps will echo forever in your head
But you will never make out who I was
I've left the world for the stars

I am a star
I shine but not bright enough
I will live long but not long enough

I will die out and explode
It will be a beautiful destruction

But it will be my end.

-T
296 · Sep 2017
Written on the walls
Torontoisart Sep 2017
I'm in tears
Full of regret , fear and remorse
I sense that the end is drawing near

My heart is slowing down
I'm growing empty
Soon my heart will echo like a ghost town

How will I live with myself
I'm here suffocating
And you are miles away hardly surviving

Leave me now. Before I continue with my destruction
A storm is coming
You should begin running

I can't bare the feeling of you hurting
The image is horrifying
If it becomes reality I will slowly start dying

It's written on the walls
"You will die alone"
It cut me deep right through my bones

I'd walk through fire for you
But I can't keep my heart beating any longer
This pain is growing stronger

Just leave now
When our love is still at its beginnings
I'll come over and take all my belongings

I can't be yours forever
I'm an ending story
With no happy ending

-T
To hurt her would emotionally scar me for the rest of my life.I'll carry the feeling of regret and remorse forever and beat myself up for it over and over. It the little mistakes that cut me deep.
266 · Oct 2017
Numb.
Torontoisart Oct 2017
Im drowing in my own tears
Needing a helping hand
Needing saving from my own fears

Troubled by my demons I crawl into a ball
I scream out for help
But my voice is blocked out by a wall

My lungs begin to burn from the lack of air
My heart begins to ache from the lack of care

Tears gushing out of me like a waterfall
I begin to ******* own ending
My soul is detaching from my body and is descending

I will meet my tormentor
Look it in the eyes and ask it why it tormented me my whole life
Why it kept me from having kids and a wife

My life was never my own
I was a loner walking amongs demons
Without a place to call home

Reflecting on life in the after life
Seeing myself crying on my bed at night.
I was such a lonely boy who told everyone he was alright

It grabbed my hand and took me to me demise
I would be punished
Burnt with a fire fueld by all the lies

I could feel my skin being eaten away by the flames.
A memory comes to me.
I remember a sweet childhood full of candy and games

I was an innocent infant
Till it found me and consumed me
It was always in me and never let me be

I felt empty yes, but it was drinking from my soul
It was the reason why I felt so empty
It was the reason why I was never happy

I resented my life ever since it found me
I was broken and couldnt be helped
Now I stand in a fire about to melt

The pain seems familiar
Feels like home.

Screaming wouldnt help
Im lost now. With no way of coming back
At least my name would go up on a plaque

I made a difference in a few
I imprinted on the ones who mattered the most
They used me and overdosed

Made me feel even more empty than I already was
How could a being be so deceitful?
So cruel and so evil ?

Is that how you were made ?
Or was it part of the game you played ?

The game of heartbreak and tears
Fake people and smoke and mirrors

I lost that game a long time ago
I came back to reality
And the fire had  burnt me from head to toe

How was I still alive ?

Then I see the burnt flesh peel away
The fire eats my skin away again
Im beginning to go insane

It was my sentance
To burn in the fire forever
But in some way to me it brought pleasure

I was used to the pain
So as the torture repeated again and again
My face just remained plain

I was numb
And I looked up to earth
Looked all the way back to my birth

Maybe if I was born in a different time I would have turned out differently
It wouldnt have found me
I would have been a shut door without a key

Safe from the voices
I would have felt true happiness
My life wouldnt have been a mess

But it was inevitable for the ones I loved to hurt me
I watched them move on, find joy in someone else
To me it never made sense

Was I that bad of a person
I loved all. Cared for all. Sacrificed so much
But actually I destroyed everything by just a touch

Everything I loved , touched , encountered turned to dust
I never brought anyone happiness, just pain
I was a cloud full of it and showered it over everyone like rain

I was chasing love but ended up running away from the pain that came with it
Was love just abstract
I was never going to find it and that was a fact

I was always being played with
I was lied to and shown fake love
Love was just a myth

Or it was just not for me
At least thats what I thought

Until I met her.

A sublime beauty.
I was lovestruck .
And she had my heart .

She had her way with words
She had me wrapped around her fingers
She knew that I was forever going to be hers

I was addicted to her
She kept the pain away
I knew if I wanted to survive I had to make her stay

I wasnt going to let her go
She brought a new feeling
I didnt know I would fall so hard for a human being

Was it fait
Because it felt like she came into my life too late

I was a messed person with no future
But she overlooked all of that at loved me

The voices were still there but they were fading away
It wasnt tormenting as much anymore
Slowly it will close my door

And the key will  be thrown away
Ill be left alone, with her.

-T
I don't always understand my emotions. But poetry helps me put the into words. I hope when you read this you will be able to relate to some of these emotions I went through and that you'll understand you're not alone. Torontoisart.

— The End —