I value loyalty above all.

You stick by my side no matter what.

No matter good or bad, right or wrong.

Loyalty isn't agreeing with everything,
it is on your side, no matter what,
it is staying, knowing how wrong,
but believing one day would do right.

Loyalty is guidance, support and company
no judgements.

Like Alfred to Batman.

However, Alfreds are rare since the dawn of time,
I am grateful to have you,

but understanding betrayals.

No longer are you let into my heart.

is it too early to think about bliss?

we thought we could have met a little earlier than this

People often ask me what love is  

And I seriously don't know what it means

All I can think about is you

Your eyes, those brown eyes

Those eyes which saw me naked  

You saw every scar on my body  

Yet the only thing you said was

“You are beautiful”  

Love, I am not beautiful

Scars, stretch marks, blood, wounds

Doesn't mean beautiful

I am not an art

Yet your lips kissed me

The way the sun kissed my skin every morning

Without a fail, without any doubt

You smiled.  

And the only words that came to my mind was

"****, this is trouble"

My love, your words hold me like a hostage

Trapped inside an empty box, finding a way out.  

A way I can never ever get a glimpse of.

I knew that this love

Our love would last a lifetime  

Or so I thought



We were torn apart by hatreds, insecurities, confusions

Maybe if it wasn't for distance  

We would be still together, we could have worked it out

But maybe, no matter what decisions we'll make

We will still come to an end

Confused about the future

Insecure about other people

Hating each other

You, giving up

And me, craving for more

Craving for something that can fill up the hole inside my chest



I wanted you to stay forever, here beside me

But every time I would ask about it

You always said

"You deserve so much more"

You were once my everything

My other half

My partner in crime  

You were someone so freaking important to me

You were the kind of mistake, I wouldn't mind repeating

I fell so hard for you

And guess what happened?

Love, I am broken



How many days, months, years

For me, to forget

That once upon a time

You were here

I was there

Hands holding tighter

Eyes locked to each other

Hearts that beat in a synchronizing manner  



How much would it cost?

For the pain to stop

For the memories to abandon

For the feelings to fade

My love, I did not expect any of this

I didn't know that love can be deadly

A love that can force someone to commit suicide  

That loving someone means tearing every part of yourself





Now, do you think I'm suicidal?

Love, do not be afraid

I'm not going to die

Being suicidal doesn’t mean killing yourself

Suicidal means I wouldn't mind dying

I kept on dying anyway

I kept on dying at the same place I thought was giving life to me  

Because the day, you decided to give up on me

I already gave up on myself.

A phrase that
carried weight
since childhood

Not only for how
fairytales
got me through
long weary nights

But the longer I write this story called
Life
I realise how it ends and of course knew
How it had begun

As a maniac
with worlds within
wishing to bring magic
with every touch

Every moment in life could be pinned down as a start
So the phrase would fit every moment any second
To deliver stories or emotions craved to convey

Or when lost
to be a compass
imprinted on her left forearm
With it as a reminder
that she is dancing on a canvas
brush in hand

Once upon a time
she was just so little....
then things no longer....
but fear not
as everything is going just where it needed to go
The End

when I began to write
poetry
all those years ago

I was amazed to find
that I even
had a voice.

It was a gift
that I never
hoped for.

I only shared light.

There is too much
darkness.

And then
little by little
I had to write
about the monsters
in the deep.

And my writing
got to be
unrecognizable.

Those couldn't be
my words.

Don't bury me
in a grave
in a big old box
I've known too much
darkness.

And so here I am
trying to balance
injury
with hope for a new future

That may be called
healing.

Memories from a lifetime ago
Seems beautiful innocent and happy. 

All I seem to want to do 
Is go back
And hide among the curtains of white sheet.

So familiar 
So sheltered

An urge to flip through photo albums 
Gentle touch on faces that are strange yet peaceful

But it is all gone now 
Like waking up from a dream 
Then given evidence of the once-reality
How am I not to confuse it with a dream 
When all that fell apart 
Was the moment that door slammed shut 

Picture frames on the walls dropped to the ground
Just like how she dropped to the ground 
Leaving two kids standing hand in hand 
despite constant fights the sister has
One clueless on the surface burying it deep
And one helpless heartbroken ever since
With a baby girl weeping from their bedroom

The first betrayal happened 
before the young learnt of all the evils that exists
He too died that moment
From then on they grieved 
The child dont dare ask about the fairytale 
When she saw her empty eyes staring into space

From time to time 
A familiar-faced benefactor come along 
The ghost brought little warmth and support 
“I am turning out fine” she whispered with every step she takes

him - the only confirmation she gets
for her clueless questions about the princess-like life

I believe we each have two brains at the beginning
one — our own that develops into a whole as time progresses
the other — from our parents

somehow her part of the brain seem to ask for secrets
she lies and cheats, wanting to know how the other thinks.
she gains trust
and as the official secret is traded in a friendly conversations.
it is used to infiltrate the other
forcing them to merge as it craves to grow stronger.

it is the germ, the virus and the demon in me
I want it gone
but there is no filtering her blood out from mine

and that is the frustration I have since the day I land.