0.1 i forgot how much i love to write and what this community felt like
0.2. i don't think i can hide my depression and anxiety as well as i thought i did, because i think you know
0.3. this is what being alone feels like when surrounded by people
0.4. what being in your arms feels like
0.5. how it sounds to say i love you and mean it

i feel like i'm not fitting in anymore
like i have lost my place
to be honest
i'm not sure i had a place to begin with

i look at my friends
and realize i am becoming alone
i'm not sure when everything changed

do you not say hi anymore
because we weren't actually friends
or do you just not care

do you only talk to me to get with her
because it's been this way for too long
and i can't do it anymore

i'm tired of this push and pull
this constant back and forth
not knowing who to trust
or where to turn

i don't feel like i fit in
because i don't know who i fit with
i don't feel like i have a place
because i don't think i'm good enough for any place

i'm trying to be okay with being alone
not being lonely
but alone
but i get confused
and it gets hard to remember which is which

she likes to hide in forests
where the trees can conceal her
open spaces have become dangerous

she likes to watch the stars above
and pretend they're watching her
they are the ones that see the true her

she likes the darkness where she can be at rest
it envelops her in a way nothing else can
for the light leaves too much out in the open

can anybody love me
would anybody care
if i die alone and empty
without someone there
is there somebody out there
who will love me to the end
love me more than just a friend
so can anybody love me
after all that i have done
will all my flaws and faults
im still hoping that you're there
so if anybody hears this
this is my final prayer
i pray that God will send you to me
before i run out of air
so if anybody loves me
will you speak up now
because im running low on faith
that there's somebody out there

waking up silently screaming
gasping for air at the same time
wondering how it got to be this way

where sleep no longer is rest
it no longer lasts

its become something you avoid
but can avoid for only so long
before you succumb to the horrors again

reliving the worst experiences
over and over
until you begin to break

you wonder if this is how it always was
how it will always be
when the madness will end

each night is the same story
a continuous cycle
where there is no hope of it being broken

want to know something?
I loved you
and I told you I loved you
but now im not sure
sure if I would recognize yor face
sure if you would recognize me
im not the same person anymore
and I doubt that you are

i feel like i am constantly tired
not always physically
but tired of the way that i am treated
how i am pushed aside
so others have more room
tired of the way i still think of you
i wish you would get out of my thoughts
just letting me be alone
tired of seeing the same things
over and over and over again
somethings never change
or maybe i'm just tired
because i don't like sleep
and haven't gotten enough