just know that bravery isn't always something you are doing but rather what you aren't doing

i hate that i have days
where i just feel sick
constantly nauseous and a fast heart
being filled with anxiety
and still not knowing why
when nothing you have done
is different or scary
but there is still that feeling
that just seems to never go away

this is about feeling something. and it's about feeling nothing. this is for the days when you feel unstoppable and like a superhero. this is for the days when you feel empty and invisible. this is for those who sleep and sleep as a way of escape. and this is for the those who can't and won't allow themselves to sleep.

there is always a way to overcome. to face your demons head on and realize that you hold the power. to hold on like it's your last breath because at some point it could've been.

i know that i can be emotionless
i know it seems like i don't care
most of the time i don't
what i don't like is when you say
that i have a black soul
or a black heart
every time i hear that
i feel another brick building the wall
you have no idea how hard i try
to be strong
to be fearless
to be powerful
you don't know
how many times
this heart and soul has wanted to just stop
so the fact that you mock
me trying my best
hurts more than i like to admit
and it just reminds me
of why i don't show my emotions
in the first place

do you want me to lie
and say i don't love you

because i can't

i can't imagine me without you
but it seems like you can

she needs help
more than she thought

she needs you to be strong
because she can't be anymore

she needs to feel loved
even when she doesn't think anyone loves her

she know to cry out
when she can't do it anymore

handing over the control
and for once
being at peace

i am in a constant state of denial
telling myself over and over
my problems weren't real
i made them up,
but i know that it was real
it happened
it changed my life
not for the better,
but i'm still not sure,
i can't ask people if i'm crazy
because nobody knows
except for two people
and now that i'm a little better
i doubt myself all over again
wondering
if i'm okay now
was i always okay?