Millions will panic and they won't know what to do.
America is about to experience a Great Depression II.
I just learned that tomorrow the Stock Market will crash.
I'll be broke and I'll lose my house, my car and all of my cash.
My wife said she and our children will leave if I end up broke.
When I say that certain people will commit suicide, it's no joke.
I'm going to **** myself because I will lose everything I have to live for.
The economy will go to Hell in a hand basket and people will be dirt poor.
This Great Depression will make the first one look like a Sunday School picnic.
Millions will struggle to make ends meet, they will have good reason to panic.
Hard times are coming for every American and people better be prepared.
When the Stock Market crashes, people will have good reason to be scared.
If you're religious, now would be a good time to pray.
America is about to go through Hell, we've seen better days.

Your leg was infected and the infection spread.
You had an abdominal aneurysm and you're dead.
The infection spread to your stomach and you hid your illness from all of us.
You didn't want to go to a hospital because doctors were people who you didn't trust.

If we'd known how sick you were, you would've seen a doctor immediately because we would've made you go.
When we found out how sick you were, you were too ill to put up a fight, you were too ill to be able to say no.
You were taken to Fort Sanders Hospital in Knoxville but sadly, it was too late.
You suffered tremendously before you died, you experienced a sad and tragic fate.

I woke up in the hospital and found you lying motionless in your bed.
When you had a deadly aneurysm, you would have no future ahead.
When I learned that you hid your illness from us, it made me feel pretty bad.
I love you Mom, you were the best mother that a person could've had.

Every person on the Simpsons is sick and they will die.
They're suffering from Jaundice, that's the reason why.
Every fan of the Simpsons will have to nurse a broken heart.
They can say goodbye to Homer, Marge, Maggie, Lisa and Bart.
I'm the bearer of bad news but I'm not trying to be mean.
The people of Springfield have the worst cases of Jaundice that has ever been seen.
I give all of them just six months to live, nine months at the most.
They will die from Jaundice, that's what the doctors have diagnosed.
People will be happy to be rid of Sideshow Bob and MR. Burns as well.
Because of the strangelings Bart has received, Homer will go to Hell.
Everybody in Springfield is very upset because they're going to die.
After being on TV for over 30 years, they can kiss their butts goodbye.

The story I'm going to tell is something that isn't good.
A registered *** offender moved to my neighborhood.
A child molester moved to my neighborhood and I didn't want him here.
When I told my neighbors that I wanted him to leave, I made my point clear.
But the idiots said that everybody deserves a second chance.
Sometimes that is true but not under this circumstance.
All of my neighbors said that we should forgive and forget.
They ignored me and it was something they would regret.
Less than two months later, a neighbor's daughter was molested.
The police were called and the creep was handcuffed and arrested.
I told everybody time after time to make him leave but they ignored my advice.
And because of their stupidity, my neighbor's underage daughter paid the price.
I have a message that each and every person needs to receive.
If a child molester moves to your neighborhood, you should demand that he leaves.

The world lost a talented actor one year ago today.
After being on Earth for almost 83 years, he passed away.
He starred in 'Keeping Up Appearances' and 'The Old Guys'.
People also loved his performances in '1990' and 'Pack of Lies'.
He also entertained us when he starred in 'Othello' and 'Born and Bred'.
His entire fanbase has grieved for 365 days because he is dead.

It was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
My life went straight to Hell because of the lottery.
I got $100,000,000 when I won the Powerball.
But after just two years, I'm broke, I lost it all.
I bought expensive cars, mansions and a yacht.
I went broke partly because of the things I bought.
I also had family and friends begging at my door.
Two years ago I was rich, but now I'm dirt poor.
When it came to my money, I should've been tight.
But I was generous, I handed out money left and right.
I gave $250,000 to my church but ended up being sorry.
The preacher used my donation to buy himself a Ferrari.
I shouldn't have chosen to get my money in one lump sum.
Now I'm living in a cardboard box because I'm a ***.
I also lost money because the Government made me pay tax.
I wanted to go after those Government Officials with an ax.
The Government took the money and I told them where to stick it.
If you want to avoid being in my shoes, stop buying lottery tickets.

When I built a time machine, I traveled back to 1977 and gave my younger self a hard smack.
When I was a child, I bought the Star Wars action figures and removed them from their packs.
I told my younger self not to do that because it ruins the value of the dolls.
Even though I traveled back in time, he ignored me, he didn't listen at all.
He continued to remove the figures from the packs and so I traveled back in time again.
This time I took a gun with me and I got so angry that I shot my younger self in the shin.
I begged him not to remove the figures from the packs but he ignored every word.
He told me to f* off and then the little ******* gave me the bird.
He thought I was bluffing and he left me with no choice but to pull the trigger.
That bullet was painful enough to convince him not to ruin the value of my figures.
That bullet is still in my shin and when I sit down, it really hurts and I cry like a little *****.
But it's worth it because a collector paid me $1,000,000 for my figures and now I'm rich.