I committed ****** and I have bad news.
Columbo is on the case and that means I'll lose.
Columbo always catches people when ****** is the crime.
He always uses his skill as a detective but not this time.
I just went inside the Police Station and confessed that I'm guilty.
Columbo is hopping mad because he won't be able to catch me.
This cigar smoking cop is so mad that he's starting to shout.
A ****** was committed and he didn't get to figure it out.

Noah and his family were the only people on Earth who were doing right.
So God caused a flood that killed everybody in 40 days and 40 nights.
All of the people on Earth were evil, it was a time that was dark.
Noah and his family were spared when God told them to build an ark.

God told Noah to take two of every animal so that all species would survive.
When the flood was over, Noah and his family were the only people who were alive.
It probably wasn't an easy decision when God decided to **** all of those women and men.
He gave us the rainbow which is a promise that he'll never do it again.

Today is Memorial Day.
We're paying tribute to those who died for the USA.
Many soldiers died so that we can be free.
It means a lot to you and it means a lot to me.
Some fought with guns, others fought with tanks.
They gave everything for us and I give my thanks.

God can be vengeful but he's mostly benevolent.
He helps us when we're down, he is magnificent.
God kept one of my relatives safe in Vietnam because of people's prayers.
God will never forsake us and he loves all of us, he truly cares.
It's like the money says, 'In God We Trust'.
God is wonderful and he's always there for us.

When a man came at me with a knife,
I was forced to shoot and take his life.
It was self defense but I was still horrified by what I had done.
I would be dead and buried if I hadn't been carrying my gun.
But he said something right before he died.
After he said it, I was even more horrified.
He told me that my wife put him up to it.
She tried to have me killed but she blew it.
I found out why that she was able to convince that man to try to ****** me.
She was going to share the cash when she cashed in my life insurance policy.
She put him up to it but it was something I couldn't prove.
I divorced that witch after I packed my bags and moved.
She would've been on easy street if she had succeeded with her crime.
But she failed and because of the prenup, she didn't receive one dime.

You were a great person and a great pharmacist.
You were killed in cold blood and you will be missed.
You were murdered because of some Oxycontin.
You're dead but you won't be forgotten.
It's sad to know that you won't be coming back.
Your life was taken away by a sick maniac.
Being killed because of some pills was evil and low.
Many people loved you and we all hated to see you go.
Now your family and friends are forced to say goodbye.
I really liked your pharmacy and you were a nice guy.

Your life was in peril nineteen years ago when you died of a heart attack.
You've been dead for many years and sadly, you will not be coming back.
You starred as the third Doctor in Doctor Who.
That TV show became much better because of you.
You starred as the Doctor from 1970 to 1974.
People were sad when you quit because you wouldn't be the Doctor anymore.
When I ordered a Doctor Who episode that you starred in, you were still alive.
But when I received it ten days later, people were sad because you didn't survive.
Besides being the Doctor, you had many other acting roles during your fabulous career.
You haven't been forgotten even though you've been dead for nearly twenty years.