exactly 54 strangers around me
I counted
and you're still all I seem to think about

I have two word documents open
one about lack of youth voting in politics
and the other about Indigenous people and self government
I also have a Youtube tab open playing "Stay" by Rihanna

my mind is flustered
my heart hurts
I want to cry but I can't

I sit here and think about why you affect me the way you do
I'm almost 100% sure that you're doing just fine
yet here i am, emotionally distressed

your words **** me
but so does your silence
I feel like I can never win with you

I'm truly at a loss for words
because I have come to my senses
I have realized that we are completely two different people

how we talk is not the same
how we show affection is not the same
how we love is not the same

I want it to work so badly between us
but maybe that's the problem
that I want it so bad
and you don't want it eqaully

It *****
but it's the truth
and I'm just going to have to accept it and move on

I am an Aries.
You are a Pisces.

I am represented by fire.
You are represented by water.

I should have known that you would dampen my spark.

Early hours; the
parts of sleep
     recalled;
          a fly opening
        it's silk cocoon,
   a foetus moving
in a jelly womb,
   irises and corneas
         assembling into eyes
                    eager to explore
                a world outside;
      those first times
when regrets are
               abstract concepts
                             not feelings
                        growing roots
       in subconscious pools;
all the things I'd redo,
              my deepest desire
                              to be anew

White.
All white.
The ground, the sky.
Late.
Too late?
To ask myself why.