I tried telling myself the black smudges around my eyes were decorations only to attract a guy. That the dark purple veins that were reaching to grab a hold of my rough terrain were a symbol of strength and love. And I tried telling myself that telling the truth might actually save me from the fires of Hell.

*the fire is raging, and so are my tall tales

an unsettled gap between my stomach and back
a nerving tone of voice
is what my dad has.

my dads insufficient ways to encourage church
included yelling, guilt tripping, and personal traps
is some of his pestering crap.

church is a lovely place of gathering
though if you believe
that's one thought bubble
I'd like to leave .

I stopped believing after he pestered me for years
his brainwashing cycles
needed a clean.

it's my life
particularly my dream

you can control my birth
what I eat
the rules of the family

but not my beliefs...

you never tried to analyze me.
you never took a flashlight to the darkest parts of my mind, never checked my aching bones to make sure they were alright.
you never checked my lungs to see that they were filled with water, never saw my shoulders, the burden they were under.
you only saw my face, readied and pristine, my face constantly smiling whenever i heard your name.
you never examined the backs of my eyes to see what keeps coming back, never checked my spine to see if something makes it crack.
you never checked my muscles, you never checked my heart. if you had dusted it for fingerprints, you would've only found his marks



[this heartbreak hollowed out my bones, and weighs a thousand pounds, it pushed me underwater, but your name, i can't quite drown out. you're trapped inside my head, i hope you do get out, you're the burden i am under, i really have no doubt. if you had checked for fingerprints, you wouldn't have been invested, if you had checked my heartstrings, you wouldn't have been tested.
you failed the science test this time and i'm so sincerely sorry. but if you had checked for variables you wouldn't have had to worry]

segregate me, but I am only human

I have to power to change a future

Peace, love, war, and violence

I contain it all with my thoughts and actions

I'm not whole from the apparent soul that consumes me

A fruitless tree only bears vegetables for me

And poorly salted meats  

Im not lost forever

I just lost my way

No one knows what it's like

Still Everyone shares the experience

But me, myself, and the person and the mirror

A rippling pebble cannot change the strangest tides

To try and try harder

To the brink of insanity

Its simply 

Who we are

And what we'll become