it's official
it has been
a month

a whole,
wild month
but still a month

a month of
countless words
and
hundreds of views

though the question is
what is the point of this?
i've been here a month
and i'm still not sure

do i write here
just so
i have an outlet?
to get these feelings out?

am i here
to seek acceptance
to find people who feel like me
or who appreciate my thoughts?

am i just here
to feel wanted and understood
to hear praise and
watch my views climb?

is this a way for me
to say things to people
that i don't have the courage to say
in real life?

or am i here to help
diffuse my anger
and dull the pointed edges
of my soul
and try to put together
the shattered parts of me
by accepting them myself?

Our good days were good but our bad days were **** near catastrophic.

My world is no longer colored red
I'm not pulled by a deafening rage.
No longer wishing to be an angel of death,
my dramatic self finally leaves the stage.

Slowly, I gain back control of my mind.
My breathing normalizes.
That part of me is gone, but what's left behind?
Everything has now turned to ashes.

"Will you forgive me?" I say, watery eyes,
face contrived by shame and remorse
you say you do, but your stare, cold like ice,
punishes me with fearful force

Mystery girl, let me make an ansatz about you:

You are like an anti-gravity wave -
the farther I go, the more I pine for you.

Some kind of growing exponent:
yes, you are the solution I ignore in my

quotidian root-finding mission;

Ah, the annihilation, those killer eyes!
Now I see, we inhabit orthogonal planes.

Your *uv, to my uw, you are IR to my ivy.

Wonder-woman, let me make an ansatz about you:

You are elegance. Ripple-play at pebbles,
those dimpled cheeks.

Deliciously symmetric. Alpha 180,  no Beta
at all - well not Cartesian.

Guess it's subterranean, Artesian,
in the k-space, transform domain,
my mind-space, where, girl,
you are a wonder of beauty and grace.

Magicienne, let me make an Ansatz about you:

You are the particle for Love waves. A lovelet.

Dressed in that kaftan when you walk in,
I will sublimate. Ether-maker, you solve
the Hamiltonian, I see now how matter's made.

I was one too.
Taking pleasure in pains of the
Past; addicted nearly, to the
Pity and attention
Of others.

Now I keep it locked away.
Private pearls of an adventure life,
Wounds long healed;
Faded scars. My smiles now deserved.
I wish the same contentment

To all those others, the
Happy unhappy. Who can only
Recognize themselves
In broken
Mirrors.