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Part Time Poet Jan 2016
Normal day at the office
New York City, can't complain
I wouldn't imagine anything
Going wrong today

Then we hear it...
Terrorists in the building
They're on the lower floor
Wielding guns, killing everyone

Our office goes on lockdown
We pile into one room
I pray to God they don't find us
No one deserves what's about to come

Door kicked open
Gunmen storm in
Screams and cries shriek out
I guess this is the end

They line us up
We cooperate with their commands
Maybe they won't **** us
If we don't make them mad

Then the nightmare begins
One by one they pull us out
In front of everyone so we can see
Stands straight, points gun, bang, on to the next one

I watch and shutter
As the bodies pile up
These were people I knew
And now their lives are done

I can't bear to watch this any longer
I sneak behind the line and hide
Behind a cabinet so they can't see me
Listening, I hear the worst sounds one can possibly imagine
1, 2, 3, Bang, Scream, Repeat

Then a pause
A muttering of foreign tongue
Footsteps creak against the floor
They're looking for more

One of them comes around the corner
He faces me with gun in hand
I lunge at him, grab the weapon, point
Shoot once, twice, three times
It's not so fun when you're the dead man

I look around the corner
More are coming my way
I send a quick prayer to God
Then jump into the fray

I shoot and I shoot
Fighting for my life
Knowing that I'm not going down
Without a fight

One down, two down, three down, four
Blood spatters the walls, bullets fall to the floor
My gun stops shooting, the cartridge is empty
There's no way to fight now
Need to find another way out

Throw the gun at the window
It cracks but doesn't shatter
"It's worth a shot," I tell myself
Then I flee from my cover

I sprint at full speed
As the bullet **** by
One of two hit me
But I keep fighting to survive

I lower my shoulder
Slam into the window
It shatters, I fall, I'm out
But the ground is quickly coming to meet me

I hit the ground with a smack
Glass raining down around me
People are looking at me and the building
Trying to discover what just happened

I get up slowly, painfully
A puddle of blood where I laid
People ask if I'm okay
But I tell them to run away

I run and I stumble
Away from the building
I'm slowly losing consciousness
Not knowing if I'm going to make it

Down the street I go
Searching vigorously for help
My vision is going out
I guess this is it

I awoke in my bedroom
I'm okay, all is well
Heck of a nightmare
Keep me away from that hell
This was one of those very realistic and vivid dreams where you see everything...I saw the blood, I heard the gun shots and the window shattering, I watched as people feared for their lives.
Part Time Poet Jan 2016
What did I do to deserve a girl like you?
L.R.  It must've been something truly amazing because that's what you are
Part Time Poet Jan 2016
Sleep...
Need it?
Yes
But can I get it?
*No
Part Time Poet Jan 2016
Words can't describe what I'm feeling now
I feel like I deserve pain
I want to slam my head into a wall
Hold my breath till I give in
Drown myself in the hotel pool

It's New Years Eve so why do I feel like breaking down and crying?

My family's all here so I shouldn't feel lonely
A new year is starting so I shouldn't feel like ****
I feel like I don't matter
       I'm a nobody
What would happen if I took my life tonight?
Would 2016 miss me at all?

I wonder and I wonder
About you
         About life
                  About death
About how much you mean to me
About what I mean to you
Do I really mean a whole lot?
**** **** ****
I need something to clear my head

I want things to change
Not between us
But I just want my feelings to change
I don't want to feel lonely
I don't want to feel depressed
I want to feel like I matter again
Not trapped inside a school of fish
I feel like a tear drop in a vast ocean
So if I go, what difference will it make?

Why the hell am I thinking this way?
My life isn't ending
And I'm not going to end it
I'm shaking from my thoughts right now
My mind is scaring me
Why do you have to be so ******* perfect?
I love you but I know it's not enough
Nothing will make you mine
She's yours and you're hers
And I can't say a word about it
Why the **** can't I just have you?
I'd be the best friend, husband, father, soulmate that anyone could give
I'd be the best for you
And there wouldn't be a doubt in my mind about that
I'd give you my heart, my soul, my being
I'd give you my all, my everything
If you could just be mine
But I know that that option is out the window
We've scrapped it, shredded it, thrown it in the fire
Made a deal from a TV show that I know will never happen
Just to give me the false security
The false belief that I have a chance
**** my life
        **** my feelings
                **** my mind
                        **** **** ****

My eyes feel dry but I want them to be leaking
I want my tears to stain the walls
        And the bed
                And the carpet
                        And everything around me
I want to drown in my tears
Flood the world with my emotions
No ark will be able to withstand this hurricane

This is the worst New Years I've ever experienced
But I have a resolution:
Be a better friend
Become closer to you
Stop the suffering
Stop suffering
Stop

Breath in...Breath out
Everything will be okay
Jack Kerouac has told me so
These feelings will come and go
And my happiness will grow and grow
And my demeanor will surely show
That I'm a warrior
I've made it through the dark
This black moment in my life
This hell
Soon there will be no more suffering
But for now
I
       Will
                   Suffer
My mind was in a dark place on New Years Eve
Part Time Poet Jan 2016
What have I done?
I took it too far
I'm just an idiot
Yeah just a ******* idiot

How can I live with myself?
It might not seem like a lot
But even the slightest pain I cause you
Is causing me to hate myself

I can't eat
I can't sleep
I can't think straight
Knowing that I've hurt you

I just want your warmth
Your love
Your everything
But I don't deserve one bit of it
Because of what I've done to you

I hope you're able to forgive me
I need you in my life
I promise I'll be a better person
If you accept my apologies

Yeah I'm just an idiot
A ******* idiot
Please forgive me
For what I've done to you
Part Time Poet Jan 2016
I talk to you and you give me a buzz
You make me go absolutely crazy
You don't have to do anything but be there
And I'm gone...
        Absolutely insane

You're like my drug and I'm going through a relapse
Every moment that I'm without you
I want you
        Crave you
                Desire you
                        Need you
                               I'll die for you if I have to

You have me hooked
        Addicted
And I have no way to escape
        No way to come clean

You have my mind spinning
       I don't know where I'm going
                Or what I'm doing
                        I just know that I want you

Always
          24/7
                I have you on my mind

Your effect on me is immense
And that's why I love it
But I won't be satisfied
Until you give me another dose
Talk to me...do something
And I'll enter another high
L.R.  Yes I know I'm crazy...crazy for you
Part Time Poet Jan 2016
I want to run far away with you
I want to go where we can be happy
Somewhere that we'll both enjoy
Together without a care in the world

I want to take good care of you
I want to keep you safe and warm
I won't let anything hurt you
I'll be your safe haven, your home

I want to stay by your side forever
I'll never leave you alone
Through thick and thin and dark of night
My loyalty will be shown

I want to explore the world with you
I want to go traveling and see the sights
See all the beauty the world holds
Although I see most of it in you

I want you in all of my memories
I want you forever on my mind
When I look back to thing I've done
I want to see you there by my side

I want to make you feel special
Like you're a queen because you are
You're my queen and that will never change
You are forever my golden heart

I want to love you more than anything
You'll be all I care about in the world
My love for you will never dwindle
Because you are my life

I want to wake up with you beside me
All the days that I'm alive
Kiss you good morning every morning
Because that's what you'd like

I want to write you poems, sing you songs
More than I already do
We can write together, create together
Something great and new

Our love will make a masterpiece
We are the canvas, our lips the paint
I want to kiss you until together we make
Something more beautiful than Van Gogh could create

I want you as a part of my life
Until my last breath is done
Because I need you forever
Like the Earth needs the Sun
L.R.  You mean the world to me...I hope we stay in touch forever.
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