Parker A Blackwood

Parker A Blackwood Nov 2015

It's so bad again
It's getting so bad again
I can guess but I can't see
I am so fearful of what is to come
But I can't tell a soul, no, I can't tell a soul

Why can't I?!?
I deserve that, just like everybody else
Don't I ?
Do I not?
Maybe I don't

Of course you don't look at yourself, look at the life you have lived

#sad #depression #anger #alone #mind #loneliness

Parker A Blackwood Nov 2015

Two Weeks Of Voluntary Hell (and to Eternity)

Why I cast myself into torture for such ignorant reasons, I do not know
Maybe it is to feel something, anything other than the numb effect of a sedating medicine

Why I am my own worst enemy, I do not know
Maybe because I see the truth when I look in the mirror everyday

Why I fail at everything I try to accomplish, I do not know
Maybe because I am weak just as I was told

Why I constantly yearn to be alone, I do not know
Maybe it is because it is a predestination for all years ahead

#hatred #sadness #alone #failure #numb #loneliness #torture

Parker A Blackwood Nov 2015

My Own Hell

I make my own hell
But instead of being near the ground, it's in the sky
Some times I love it for what it can tell
Yet other times it might cause me to cry

Help was given than taken away
Because that thing floating in the heavens
Is trying so hard to get everything inside itself at bay
My sanity could be lost because of what happens at seven

I don't believe I ever truly thought, sadly, I was going to leave these kind of things behind. I don't plan on getting help, even though I should. Why does my brain work like this? Why do I work like this ? I should be able to function normally, with normal situations, but it all turns to **** it seems. I am so very confused.

#depression #crying #mind #insanity #help #purging #selfharm #mania

Parker A Blackwood Nov 2015

Understood You

And all like water flowing from a fountain were the words I spoke to You
Not stately nor eloquent, but blunt and plain,
Why are my 'yous' always a blank space, a random face,
Still I speak to whoever 'You' are because You are my only company
And I would be lost, a lunatic contracted in my own mind if not for You
I am ever so confused on this matter pertaining to You
Because I am you,
And You, I

#alone #mind #confusion #loneliness #insane #regression

Parker A Blackwood Nov 2015

Endless Fall

Sliding around on the endless night
Headlights surrounding bringing about light

Soaring down highways at great speeds
Not really paying attention to see where it leads

Why I am here I cannot recall
But all I remember, it was before the fall
What bliss was had! yet none at all
To skid 'cross those lanes before the fall

#depression #sadness #driving #bipolar #fallingapart #roadtrip #carride

Parker A Blackwood Nov 2015

Golden Rule

You go through the motions
You laugh at people's jokes
You exchange a smile when needed
Hell, you might even feel a connection to someone
But you can't ever get close
That's the Golden Rule

You can listen to all they say and comfort them
But you, yourself, cannot be comforted
You've learnt the lesson and played the game
To make such rash decisions
Others first, never yourself

You are forever with accompanying, making you completely alone
You are a friend to all, making you the friend to none

#alone #insecurities #comfort #friendships #goldenrule

Parker A Blackwood Nov 2015

Cities

It's all coming down again
The walls that I had started to build have fallen
And I am left with nothing but utter contentment as I gaze across the rubble
I study the wreckage and discover it is not similar to the past
There were no people involved nor consequences amongst the debris

This time the loss was internal
This time it will be kept quiet
And this time it will meld to the depths of my heart and soul to create the person I will become

And I will rebuild again and again,
Constructing new walls to form new cities that either will be torn down or built up

#depression #sadness #struggle #fallingapart #irony #cycles