here i recall the moment i bit at you with venom in my teeth. after decaying for so long i was over allowing you to be the mold growing on my bones, and i’ve ripped off every layer and i’ve rid myself of the remnants of you and i don’t care who sees my dry, florid skin because you are gone now. second chances were well-deserved but thirdfourthfifth pass and you are no longer welcome back. harsh words and three strikes struck you dumb as an arrow through your tongue. but that’s just what happens when you shoot at artemis.

here i recall the moment i scanned the dusky sky and saw more than freckled cheeks turned away from me. andromeda is breaking free from her chains and cassiopeia is no longer made of stone and i am aware of the blood coursing through my veins; i finally feel my own existence. the first time i felt love i realized romanticism is a mere fraction of what can swell a heart and i found that you must learn to find beauty in every blemish before another can see through your eyes.

here i recall the moment i felt a warm glow engulf my being, and even though i’m not the most confident or the most eloquent i still found a way to break through the seven concrete layers i’ve been caged in since i learned the word “impossible”. i have spent 501 days shattering my obsidian shell, and i will spend 501 more perfecting my war paint and becoming a golden combatant, ready to fight a winning battle, and, well, one thing i'll say in my favor: i am ******* hard to ****.

it’s hard to feel something,
even harder to feel nothing.
mind-numbing repeats of spoken words;
a scratched-up record of your voice.

the mold growing on my bones
feels no different than your fingertips on my skin.
linger with me for a while.
before you leave,
watch me rot.

i’m ripping off layer after layer;
rid me of the remnants of you.
i could care less if they see
my dry, florid skin
as long as you aren’t
attached.

second chances are well-deserved,
but thirdfourthfifth pass and
you are no longer welcome back.
my heart is under construction,
and you aren’t wearing a hard hat.

i could live without
trying to sleep, but being unable to.
i really would love to
lay on the moon,
staring at the stars.
i would go by myself.
dig
myself
a grave.
i want to bury
my beacon of existence.

my entire life,
is it not there anymore?
i don’t really know
what happens after we die.
my concept of nothing:
complete blackness and no sound.
but that is something.
i don’t really know death,
and i don’t really know nothing.

i am
riveting.
i am
a poem with a pulse.
i am
the bottom of a swimming pool.
i am
loading.
i’m sorry, too.
i have severe faults.
i am the worlds greatest hopeless romantic;
i don’t speak;
i would take him back in a heartbeat.
i am
a gigantic bomb;
i wear my guts on my sleeve.
it’s just tissue.

heartbreak is the worst kind of ghost.
i think about that all the time.
a clear vision of my future,
ripped out from under
me.
i can still hear his voice.
it’s melancholic, but in a beautiful way.
im going to search for him in everyone,
hoping he’ll call me.
i will love him until the day i die.
and it haunts me.

you hated the color yellow
well, **** that

i'm reclaiming all the words i wrote about you
taking back my metaphors
i am the sun
a thousand stars glow in my eyes
i am the night sky, the morning light, a hundred secret gardens, the entire ocean, and you are no longer anything more than a sand dollar floating somewhere amidst my consciousness
and i am a million golden sunsets

you hated the color yellow
but now my hair is gold my heart is gold my eyes are gold
and i'm done letting your darkness in

are you lonely?
the salt in the air,
california sun in your hair.
i still find pieces of your presence here.
hail to your dark skin,
blue eyes,
lowest lows,
shrillest highs.
mull this over,
hold your glass up,
leave your things behind.

i tried my best to
guide you.
it's a long way home;
i've been searching for a long time.
all that we fought for,
broken up into bits.
there's beauty in the breakdown:
a single tragic scene.
too high to wonder why.
“come down now.”

where to go?
i feel like talking.
you were somehow the rain,
a flood in my head;
window broke, torn up screens.
i can hear the sun.
i would be, i should be
moved to drink strong whiskey;
cram it down my throat.
you are
no longer
all that i need.

where’d you go?
hiding the fact you're dead again;
i could have been your pillar.
nine to five,
ticking clock,
i shook the hand of time.
but you're alive!
all the lights on and you are alive.
lift the mattress off the floor,
tonight the sun shall see its light.

i can smell the ocean,
so sublime;
it rises with the fall.
comes from a place
i might be doomed never to find.
we live in a beautiful world.
when the stars are aligned,
all my thoughts are clear.
i may seem to feel a touch of love.
am i too dumb to refine?