My wrists become raw without
Any consent of mine,
Red and blistered from the chains
And rusted metal they are trapped in.
And I can't leave the past, but I'd
be ****** if I'd be forced to come back
To such a wretched place. So I
sit in the floor and dream of anywhere else.
Oh, and they start creeping.
But my wrists have been red for far too long
So I sit still in white tile, staring at my new blade
One that bleeds out ink and words instead
Of one that destroys me further.
"Oh, but you deserved it, darling.
You brought this onto yourself. It was you,
after all, that dragged yourself down-"
Silence silence, I cry in the shower.
Words are escaping me,
Just barely leaving my
Feeble hands, grasping
At the edges of this feeble world.
"Feeble? Such an ironic thing
for such a weak creature to say.
If there's anything feeble it's you-"
I crank the volume up.
And such a thing as coherence
Is making as much sense as my own thoughts
"Wait, is it because they're not
coherent? Maybe you're just wrong-"
Silence silence silence
And I scream into my fist
"Maybe you're just wrong,
like you always are!"
And I ready the words inside of
my dry throat, only if they just become
an utter for no one to hear it.
"No one ever does anyway!"
Yet they zoom around my mind
When I make myself alone again
Go away go away go away go away
"Leave leave before you crash"
"And he told her the tale of a girl
who loved others yet never learned
how to love herse-" silence silence silence
I cover my ears and drown myself again.
And I give up on trying to make sense of the lyrics
Or of the hellish sound from within, as I
convince myself that it never made sense.
"Oh, but it all does. You're just too blind to see it."
Shut up shut up shut up shut up
"You're blind you're blind you're blind"
I clench my eyes shut
And drop to the ground.
This poem focuses on the rampage of feelings I experience during a breakdown, where memories take hold of me until my whole body is shaking and I pretty much lose control, to a point where it's hard to distinguish what's real and what's not.