The only thing that hurts worse
than losing someone, is the
anticipation between when
you realize they won’t last forever
and the point at which they are gone.

Like enjoying a nice night with old
friends, there is always the fear of
it coming to an end.

You try to drown it out, and for a
short time it works, but like
painkillers, in the end it
only hurts worse.

This sort of pain, is often kept quiet.

Humans are trained, to just try and hide it.

With that being said, the only thing to do.

Is put on a smile, and pretend it does not affect you.

Sometimes down the road of life
Just as things were turning around
Something stops you in your tracks
And runs your heart in to the ground

It takes all of your hopes
And all of your dreams
Everything you thought you had
And tears them at the seams

You try everything in your power
To bring back what you lost
You would in a heartbeat
Buy it back at any cost

This is one of those things
That you simple cannot control
You don’t have the power
But that is how it is supposed to go

You must sit and patiently wait
Hours, days and weeks on end
You’ll want so bad for it all to stop
Until someone comes along

And moves that painful roadblock

How I know I’ve made it
At this point, your settled down now. Whether you have a wife or not. Your sitting on the porch of your house, probably on a home made porch swing, out in the country, but not too far from town. You have a grill on your patio, maybe a smoker next to it. Your golden retriever or husky/Shepard mix sitting right next to you, just kinda lookin out as you swing.
You have a pond or stream near by with fishing poles at the ready should you decide to fish. You have beers in the fridge, but not too many because your past that now, 3 or 4 should be fine for you. You have a cigar case sitting on your wooden table in your house, maybe a cigar from every duty station and deployment you had in the military (if you stuck to that), but you don’t smoke inside. Your grass is nicely mowed, smells nice all the time. You have a man cave in the basement for the boys, but you take your wife down there too because it’s awesome. It has a pool table, gaming system, weight bench, built in surround sound, and ice cold beer. Maybe a 5th of crown Apple or Jim beam to drink with the fellas. Wachob is over pretty often, he lives pretty close to you if everything worked out well. You guys like to go fishing in the stream, even if you don’t catch anything it’s still fun. Friday’s you and Wachob will grill up some burgers for the kids and/or the boys depending on how things happened. Country music playing in the background. You talk about putting in a pool, but never really do for some reason. You have a side by side or quad in the garage, ready to take out for spotting or plowing in the winter. You also have a nice truck, not too ugly but not too nice. You take it in to town to work and because you don’t seclude yourself, you go out with friends and go to Lowe’s or Home Depot for home improvement projects. You visit your parents often, and you have them over often too. Your nephews and nieces come to fish and eat now and then, Wachobs family too. You, Jacob and Wachob sit their with or without your wives, take a good hard look around you, crack a cold beer and cheers because you all realize that you’ve made it.

Stuck under a cloud,
I go about my days,
trying to find,
the non-existent rays.

In a world where sadness
is thought of as weak,
as I am driven to madness,
help I simply cannot seek.

It’s seems as though,
I have nowhere to go,
in my line of work,
your taught to just let it go.

So I stow it away,
deep in my heart,
but now it is back,
worse than the start.

So here I am again,
stuck under this cloud,
spending my days,
trying to find..

those non-existent rays

I love you

I know I am young
And so are you
But I’m 100% certain

I love you

I know I’m leaving
So I shouldn’t tell you
But I hope one day you know

I always loved you

Mason,

I’ll remember your smile
that was always so bright
the sun became jealous
and crippled in spite.

This world was not for you
you were simply too great,
because you went to sleep
we’re now all wide awake.

The day that you left
you saved a thousand more lives,
we’ll always remember
the love in your eyes.

For now let this be
our final goodbye,
we’ll never forget you..
Fly high