NitaAnn

NitaAnn Aug 2014

Sometimes these things happen.
Sometimes good things happen.
Sometimes bad things happen.

But things just happen.
These are meant to be reassuring words
to comfort someone when something (good or bad) happens
and you are not sure what to say…

I have heard these words a lot the past few days
when both good and bad things have happened.

#abuse #lost #sometimes #confusion #searching #answers #survivor

NitaAnn Aug 2014

There is not much else to do but wait

Tonight my desperate body is trying hard to release the pain inside.
The pain that tries to push its way out of me.
Crying no longer helps.
And I am unable to talk.

I force myself to continue to experience this
because there is no other way out.

Pain flows through me
I shiver as I allow it to pull me beneath the surface.
It disappears and I float back to the surface
and drift until another wave drags me under again.

#pain #abuse #crying #drowning #survivor

NitaAnn Aug 2014

The sigh that captured me

There is so much to say – emotions flow through me, coursing through my veins, reminding me of past hurt, of someone I do not want to be. Pain, hurt, anger, sadness…cycle through me...each coming around again and again.
I allowed myself to try on all of these emotions and feelings and I did it without self-destructing. I don’t want to find myself at the end unable to communicate, leaving so much unsaid. I don’t want to feel hideously ugly inside and out. I can’t do everything right now, but I can do something.

#anger #pain #sadness #abuse #hope #hurt #emotions #selfdestruction #survivor

NitaAnn Aug 2014

Broken

I feel like my insides have been completely ravaged and wasted of any good feelings and the desire to just give up and never come out of hiding again is strong. I am not in a good place right now. I am too tired to battle the demons in my head. I am broken! Broken! And broken NitaAnn cannot deal with the constant headaches and nausea. She cannot handle the chronic pain with no relief.

**She is broken.
Shattered.

#broken #pain #abuse #demons #shattered #givingup #survivor

NitaAnn Aug 2014

Tremble weakly & collapse

I stay up way way way too late at night
trembling and crying and trying to hide.
When I finally collapse into bed
I am overwhelmed with fear
I surround myself with 9 pillows
And try to fall into sleep.
But it is too much.
I cannot hide.
My body aches from the fear
and the night sends a shiver
through my curled up body

There are whispers in the room.....

These are the whispers that I cannot escape:
"You are worthless."
"You are a failure."
"Nobody cares about you."
"It was your fault."
"You wanted him to do it."
"Nobody believes in you."
"Just give up now...it will be easier for everyone."
"You will never be good enough."

#fear #pain #abuse #whispers #overwhelmed #survivor

NitaAnn Aug 2014

You did not help me...and now it's too late

Please help me…please, before it is too late.
Please help me.
Hurry!

The footsteps, they are loud, they hurt my ears.

Please, someone, help me, please…the screams are all I hear.
Please save me.

My body, it hurts.
I have bruises and I am bleeding.
Anyone…please.

Why does daddy do this to me?
Why does he hurt me?
Please make him stop.
Please.

The floors are red.
The pain does not stop. He will not stop.
Why do you not hear me?
It is hard for me to breathe.

I cannot stay here.
I cannot be alive.
I cannot stay here anymore.

You did not save me.

No one would help me.

Now it is too late. I do not want to hurt anymore.

#pain #abuse #please #help #suicidal #hurting #saveme #survivor

NitaAnn Aug 2014

*another one bites the dust*

see...
the reason why we tend to **** ourselves
is because no one listens.
no one hears
no one understands
no one will help
so we cannot find another way to stop the pain
and so another one bites the dust.
we reached out but no one hears
its okay now
we will work it out
no bother dt
we work it out
it will be okay

or it will be over
either way sounds like a "win"

#pain #abuse #alone #help #suicidal #suffering #survivor #endit