bruises, contusions.
i live a life of illusions.

i box with shadows day and night,
my life is a never ending fight

of the self.

i stand on the edge,
but lean towards the elms

to try to teeter,
but only totter.

one side or the other,
will i fall
or will i falter?

Life's become a lot like laying down... Laying down not because I'm sleepy  or exhausted, but because I'm tired in a way that's quite different from the norm.

I lay down, and everything seems to fade into obscurity. The light is hazed, and the background of my white ceiling is shadowed by my second sun.

This state, this sort of stasis, doesn't end when I have to get up. Everything is endless, and I don't know when I'll feel something. Days go by and all end the same.

It's like I've fallen down a rabbit hole, and I haven't hit the ground. My voice is weary from screaming and my eyes have gone dry. Every day I fall deeper and deeper, yet I haven't hit the bottom.

I'm tired of waiting. My life's always been about waiting. Waiting for love, for happiness, for success. I'm not waiting to hit the ground anymore. I'm just being. I am, I am, I am. I am tired.

While I've been spiraling into demise, I've realized a lot of things. Being stuck in this oblivious life gives me a lot of time to think and reflect. This way of living makes a mirror of a man. I no longer see only one shade of gray, although I would like to see some color.

I've been trying to change, I've been trying to live, and be happy. I've been blessed with beautiful people that care for me, but this is my battle, and I don't know when it's going to end. And it's not going to end with me having waited.

I can tell you the world is wrong. Good things don't come to those who wait. I have been waiting years, and the only good thing I've gotten was wisdom. Not the kind that comes from a spiritual awakening. The type of wisdom you get from being beaten by the world and surviving.

Now, I'm no starving child, but I might as well be dead.

I can't seem to live outside my head.

This fall is infinite, and I won't wait for the end.

i
break

i am the ash of a holiday fire
in a house
not a home

the wind whisks me away and
the remnants of my essence
sit crying
by the void

sobbing to black mirrors and shadows
in plain daylight

my eyes no longer see clearly
the emptiness is all i hear

the sound of a door closing
leaving a life i
never wanted anyway

if tomorrow never came
would you still wait for the sun to rise

i take the stride,
of spirits and soul.
i take the stride,
my god shall console.

there are times when i speak to the sky,
and no one answers.
there are times when i speak to the sky,
and the silence is all i need.

walk down Jerusalem,
there's not much to say.
walk down Jerusalem,
i wouldn't have it any other way.

a peach beginning upon a
snow-born face of hope for a
purer tomorrow

chewed up and spit out by
the harsh lips of a
cigarrete kisser

he had lucifer's lies and
hellfire for a heart, yet
she loved him all the same

something's can't help but crave the pain of
being
choked with feeling

like
a secret
spoken so silently
that not even god himself
can hear it

i've cried a thousand times.

you hold the gun in your hands,
but you can't look me in the eye.

red is all we are

a pair of strangers caught in between
nothing and everything

hopefully the wounds
can bleed me out

do you know
what it feels like
to become a grain of sand
and get pulled from shore?

into a pool of love,
i choke
and only want more

so i make my heart into fist
and fight back,
to swim along the tides
forevermore

i am imagining my guts spilt all over
your bedroom floor;
and you are licking my skin clean of all the
***** blood -

but the bones are all white and strong,
built tough from the labored years
of having a life
not worth living.

you will pick your teeth with them and call the police -
tell them:

there's been an emergency...
i'm a killer, stone cold killer
and there is no blood on my hands

my new home is oblivion,
where there is only silence and night

and now my last burst of sun
seems a lot less bright

so when i speak to emptiness,
i pray for the light
of the moon

who would perhaps be kinder

beacons of thunder,
glow of a kindled lantern

small embers that whisper,
but clap like god shot a gun

shimmering in that darkness
of disconsolation and remorse
a diamond of its own

a soul looking for a love to call their home

and my heart still glows
bright like the lights that leads me off cliffs

sky of oblivion darkness holds the image of you plainly
black on black but still sheerly visible
amidst the murderousness of this
everlasting night

your eyes are storms and your teeth are the
dark stars in the sky

little knives that i wish
could **** me

hair that falls effortlessly, gracing the perfection of your countenance -
a devil in your own right
you are my mistake

nocturne haze keeps me living
but your radioactive gaze
has left me in bones

a hollow man walking
into the blacknight horizon

where he would sprout wings of ash
and fly to you

It is on this day,
that ice breathed fire

It is on this day,
that I was born

16 glacial years,
and still no body
to mourn.

And if I was to receive a gift,
from winter Snow,
I'd ask him to bless me with the love
I always yearn.

i fracture my soul, a piece for you and one for me.
maybe then i could offer eternity.

we reap what we sow, Innocence tells me.
i am my own, and forever is what we shall be.
pulled a tooth, a wish to be granted;
godsend, our love will not be outlasted.

i take a new color, new face, new soul:
will you ever love me as a whole?
identity is what my youth writhes for,
i take you for your words, because you promised, you swore-
then i remember Youth doesn't cry for me anymore.

i'm nothing to you until i'm everything,