Brian worked on 2 very different education accounts
One was UK based with 6 main call drivers
3 of these had sub topics of varied concerns
He took calls off teachers needing help
He was trained on all 6 main concerns
But only took calls on 3 of them
47% of the reps resigned    
The other account was very different
Like comparing a bicycle to a truck
It was a very hard US account
He listened to the customer
Then clicked an onscreen prompt
And a computer voice spoke aloud!
People asked about courses
It was all fine education improved lives
Plus Brian persevered in hard accounts
Maybe one day he’ll go back
To do the other 3 concerns
Or a different school account

No1 BPO
Each call centre says they’re the best
They never say they’re number 2
Always number 1 in their own way
Is this in most collected revenue?
Or number of employees?
Or with the most offices?
Each call centre says No1
The same saying by them all
Can’t they say something new?

Alarm!
The 2010 mobile phone stopped working
Brian used it as an alarm clock
He was late for work twice
It never saved the alarm more than once
No good for a working week
He had to check it daily
If he forgot he'd be late
Brian would buy a radio alarm
A Japanese one like he had back in 85
That lasted a decade or more
He ignored the radio on it
Kept it on electronic noise
It woke up the neighbours!

Reasons
He worked in many BPO call centres and was considered a tenured agent
Meaning he knew what he was doing and could be trusted not to **** up
Not all tenured reps were so trustable or blemish free some really ******* up
Getting caught having *** in the security office with the guard watching the CCTV
Spotted raiding the biscuit cabinet that belonged to one of the vendors
Attempting to bribe the client by approaching a rival company to sell secrets
Setting up a rep you don’t like to take the fall for fraud that you actually did
Swing thru the axle of the boss’ Jaguar sports car so he died in a high speed crash
All this and more was done by so called trustable tenured reps over the years
It was an example of what not to be like no matter what the reason or motive

Together
Metrix love them hate them
Top box CSAT bottom box DSAT
What makes or breaks a rep
Or Team Leader or support
Your stats are my stats
My stats are your stats
We’re in this crap together
The call centre job
Love it hate it do it together
Top or bottom never middle

Skankers

The leads were crap only getting 0.3 chance of a sale

They were ***** leads that no other shop wanted

So they gave them us to call 42 and 76 ***** leads

He thought 42 ***** was worse than 76 *****

He got 5 DNCs in a row here was swore and threatened

He dialled the leads 10 times a day both 42 and 76

The 76 ***** leads got Brian a gold contact

A different person handled the phones

Wanted new ones send me the info right now!

He did just that and he waits for closure

So he can celebrate having a 25 user sale

Each user will give him 1000 pesos

That’ll be 25k to spend on beer tattoos

Food hookers flying hiking and more

Oh for more ***** leads what blissful joy!

Battling TL Leaves B2B
The Fake God finally won the battle
The battling TL got booted out of the B2B account
She asked him how he would feel on it
It’s ok as we’re friends and you’re still here
You reported the Fake God for his six thou wanga
He got another rep to give him and he lost ninety four thou
When suspended that month tho he was finished
The call centre rescinded that and gave him a month rest
He came back as only he can do the job
You reported his lieutenant lap dog for dodgy upsells
The magic number is five users add four to the one you picked
Both are still there like pet dog and food bowl
You mark on the account is noted and in my poems
All the best on your reassignment
And stick with the army training too