What does emptiness look like?
Is it Black or is it White?
A white wall demands to be decorated
For humans to rip its core; to find colour
It contains no depth, no personality
White is easily contaminated
White often viewed as pure;
Disguised as a being without experience.

White has no feelings, it begs for a reason to exist
Given that purpose it only serves to brighten a colour.

A black wall demands an answer
For us to give it meaning; to look deeper
It contains emotions, a mystery
Black prompts us to look beyond the surface
Black often seen as a threat;
Screams out individuality.

Where is black contains darkness,
Where is black contains a story,
Where is black, contains a wall that was once a blank, white wall.

30% of me said, pick up the knife
100% agreed to hold it up my jaw

50% of me said, grab the pills
10% said you'll get caught that won't work

60% of me said, drown yourself
25% said how?

75% of me said, grab a belt and go to a tree
50% thought it would be the quickest

80% of me said, slit ur wrist and DOD in your car
80% of me would do it

99% of me told myself to END it. begged to take my life. begged for one reason not to continue...

...yet 1% of me thought of all the faces of those I were to leave behind and my promise to them,
"I won't"

Something you should know about a lioness in a zoo
Kept hostage even though it's well taken care of
Held within its will,
yet no desire to leave

Without an idea,
she lives in a small piece of land;
isolated from its habitat

The lioness is unaware, the lioness is confused.
She does not know that her doing is anything but wrong;
she is simply not in the right place

instead,


She grew and learned strength in a wrong place...
                                                        ­                             ...she calls home.

Toast to the guinea pigs
for extinguishing my fear of being alone

Toast to the moon
for being the substitute of street lamps

Toast to the car parked on the driveway
for indicating the presence of my family

Toast to the guitars
for remembering the way they tune

Toast to the fridge in the kitchen
for keeping our food fresh

Toast to the walls of the house
for absorbing the noises I rather not hear

Toast to the paintings
for reminding me of what I’m artistically capable of

Toast to the bed in the room
for keeping my body comfortable at night

Toast to the lights
for providing my room personality

Toast to the tapestries hanging on the ceiling
for maintaining my privacy

Toast to the dreamcatchers
for giving me hope of a good night's dream

Toast to the pictures on the wall
for reminding me of who I am with people I love

... so many times.
so many opportunities, i let pass.
i say, i learned from my past,
but falling down the same hole,
do i ever learn, or do i just fail the same test?
i try. i try but why
do i... rush and develop an attraction
for another girl that i call my crush.
One, two, three people from my past, oh boy did it last?
no. but little by little did it break me.
so now i say i'm done until you came in.
afraid to face the truth
or maybe i'm just a fool.

hope your good at clues.
'cause whenever i see you,
my action tries to scream the news.
if only... it was that simple.
I then, would be brave and
nothing would hold me down.
but my feet, they're buried as if they're stuck on the ground.
so many times, i thought about
my lips meeting yours.
or if you're lips wanted to meet mine.
for the first time, i wanted you to try.
But at the same time, what if i face rejection,
only then will my heart, feel my past and cry.
This last year, i was marked with fear.
I hope you understand.
i want to hold your hand,
and if i do, there's no need to feel any shame.
if i tell you though, would you think of me the same?
with you, i can't make the first move.
i'm not like the others, i got respect
i don't like to invade.
i'm not sure how'd you feel and that's why i'm afraid.
since now you know,
i'll leave that up to you,