and her piano fingers fluttered
by and down the keys, like song-note leaves
on an indifferent autumn breeze, making
birds out of the music trembling
within the ivory beast before her;
she was a paper doll and it was raining,
she was moving like possession
but she was her own exorcist
and the demons were beautiful.

one step back
(we've devolved)

two steps forward
(we've devolved again)

I find myself drawn to
the dim magnetism of the fading stars,
the ones who try to hide their glow,
the ones who hate their dark pale --
I want to show them how bright they are,
I want to tell them they guide me
when I'm lost in my own dark evening,
I want to prove that you can't see
the beauty of a castle if
you're looking out
its window.

I like to play pretend
and imagine I'm important,
to set up tea parties with
things that don't matter
so I can feel relevant,
to spend time alone
so that I'm the biggest
living thing as far as I know.
I am but a little girl,
small, weak, stupid,
naive, and my world is
made of wishful thinking
and waiting to
finally grow up.

god breathed life into his doll,
and he said to it, "inhale, exhale,
put this between your lips" --
he handed it a lit cigarette
and left it in the garden
to die alone

we found freedom in the waves,
we found love in the wind,
we found peace in the stars;
we found rage in the planets,
we found horror in the stone,
we found disobedience in death.

breathing the broken air of brothels
and holding it until we reach cathedrals,
this is more than a race or a game,
this is pure malice and
someone has to pay.

I was never
very fond of my name
until she called me by it.
I never hated myself more
than when she stopped
loving me.

We were so far away.
We didn't need anything
but nicotine and the feel
of each other's skin --
she stood against the
city silhouette backdrop
and became the only
skyscraper in my world.