Nena Twedell

Nena Twedell Dec 2014

Like an old boarded up house
Preparing for the storm ahead
All weak spots braced
for any rain fall
All fragile pieces hidden away for safe keeping
in case of any earthquakes
lights shut off leaving total darkness
in case of a power surge
This is how you prepare
Holding everything you hold dear close
Fire extinguisher within reach
radio on the emergency channel so you can hear every breaking detail
Constantly praying you didn't forget anything
bracing yourself for the worst
holding up in your comfort zone
Feeling safe here with no fears
No one gets in
No one goes out
Like the story of ***** Wonka and the Chocolate factory
But even in that story ***** had to let someone in
Slowly un-board your windows
The sun is warm
turn down your radio listen to the birds chirping
Turn the lights on the light is safe
open your eyes to the beauty this world holds
Don't live in fear anymore
This world isn't like your world but it's safe too
Let them see your world
They've been patiently knocking for ages now knowing you were too afraid
It's going to be ok
Don't give up hope
Face your fears
Hold your chin up high as you smile towards your newly discovered sun
The storm has passed

#friends #fear #sun #hope #patience #storm #ok

Nena Twedell Dec 2014

My Fairy Tale

I want you to need me like you need an ice cold drink on a hot summer's day
I want you to want me like you do at the first whiff of bacon on a Sunday wafting through the house
Though we haven't met yet

I hope you look at me and lose your breathe but never question it
I hope when silence falls on our conversations that you just wrap me up in your arms
Not because I can't handle the silence but to remind me that it's ok

And I hope that when you notice the scars across my skin
that you will still caress my body and remind me that my scars do not make me who I am but are proof of how strong I am

And I hope that when I stand in the mirror examining the outfit choice that I can't seem to make clearly That you pull me away from the mirror
away from the societal norms of beauty and ask me to flip a coin because in that moment I will remember who I am and what I want to wear.

I know it's a lot to ask of a man I've yet to meet
but don't worry I've got a lot to offer too.

I will hold your hand at all the parties your friends invite you to
I will hold you when you feel as if your world is collapsing around you I will remind you to breathe when your lungs are so full of sorrow and pain that they have forgotten to work for you
And when you can breathe again I will remind you of the beauty of this world
And of the joys of smiling and laughter
I can cook you dinner after a long day at work to remind you that you are important to someone in this world.
I know that it's a lot to offer someone I haven't met yet
but when we find each other
our real life fairy tale will begin

#love #hope #romance #patience #someday #bacon

Nena Twedell Dec 2014

I miss you

I turn my phone on knowing that there isn't a message
But I can't help but to do it anyways
because I miss the feeling I got when you texted me
I miss waking up to your words of encouragement
I miss staying up late just to hear from you
I miss the smile you painted across my face with out even trying
I look through our memories
Crying at what we lost
I want to find it again someday
Bu I know right now your toxic
We tried so hard to hold each other together
but the sun went down
And our peices have fallen apart
I miss your comforting touch
and your soothing words
I miss the texts "good night"
I miss the texts "good morning have a great day"
I miss waking up to you
Maybe this is just growing pains
maybe this is goodbye
But please don't let this be the end
Because I miss texting late into the night
I miss the way I felt talking to you
I miss you
I miss us
We didn't have much but it was ours.

#heartbreak #touch #texting

Nena Twedell Dec 2014

High Tide

There's a heaviness in my chest
I've been trying to get out
but if feels like there's an ocean inside my chest
And once I get it out
It's only low tide and high tide is coming
And I'm trying to empty the ocean out with a drinking glass
the power the ocean holds holding me down
When low tide comes I try to prepare and get a breathe of fresh air
Because I don't know how long high tide will last or how strong it will hold me
Fighting the tide off is like trying to hold the sun up when it's the moon's turn to rise
but with each time its getting harder to come up
it's getting exhausting to do over and over
its getting harder to catch my breathe each time
coming faster and harder each time

#depression #sun #moon #drowning #ocean #harder

Nena Twedell Dec 2014

Value

It's easier to take value than to give it back....

Nena Twedell Dec 2014

Red lines and Red Vines

Searching for the name of this pain
Maybe find the knife that is jutting out of my chest
Because when no one is looking
I know that red lines will spread across my skin like red vines spread across the table
And while the lines are healing
The black hole is screaming inside
but its constricting the lungs' oxygen supply
like the boa constrictor squeezing the life out of it's meal
The prey slowly losing the light in its eyes as it is consumed so quickly
The heaviness in my gut is sickening
As as I sit at the dinner table full of delicacies
I try to remember the joy they come with
The sweetness of this cherry pie
The savoriness of the poultry being passed around
Taking just enough not to be questioned
because if they felt how I felt inside
if they felt the knife in my chest when they hugged me
if they saw the light in my eyes dimming
if they felt the heaviness in my stomach
And when they ask me how I'm doing
I hope they don't notice my knees quaking and voice quavering
I hope they don't notice the fear that is sticking out of my pocket as I try to find answers

They look at my scars and ask me why
But unable to give them answers
I just let the tears flow
The begin to notice the cherry pie still on my plate
the lack of movement of my fork
I just shake my head
Because how are you supposed to explain the knife in your chest that doesn't have a name
How do you explain the red lines that spread across your skin
And the red vines that have become stale that are spread across your table
When you don't even have a name for the pain you feel inside
when you don't even know where the knife came from
When at the end of the day all you can see is these red lines and red vines
And all you feel is the pain inside

#pain #lost #darkness #food #selfharm #snakes #redvines

Nena Twedell Dec 2014

Don't let go

Your smile lights up the room every time
But lately it's gone missing
Like the sun hiding behind the clouds on a spring day
Everyone begins searching for it again
I see the light switch in your eyes has been switched off
I'm trying to reach it for you
Trying to help you find your smile
But I just can't reach the switch yet
Please don't give up on yourself
We'll flip that switch together
I'll hold your hand through this darkness and wipe away the tears that streak down your face
Because warrior doesn't mean superhero
We'll bring that sun out again
just one day at a time
I'll help you find the light again
just hold my hand
We'll take this storm on together
one day at a time
Just don't let go!

#love #friends #depression #smile #light #motivation