She was only still alive because she was told,
Take it one day at a time, "trust me, it'll get better".
Everyday, she woke up hoping,
That was the day.
That was the day it was going to get better.
It's been years now.
She woke up and asked herself "when will it end"?
It never did, so she ended herself.
-mxy

I just want that one person in my life to finally care. to care about how my day went or to care if I finished my homework. someone that cares about
my relationship with my parents and the well being of my pet. I want someone to have those late night conversations with and share the what seems to be confusing to other people, inside jokes, but that makes so much sense to us. I want someone to ask how I am every once in a while and give me relationship advice on my newest crush. I want someone to be here for me and where I can be there for them too. where we connect on tons of different emotional levels. someone who doesn't always have to have a deep conversation but that can if need be. someone I can automatically look at and know what they're thinking just by their ****** expression. I want that someone for me. and I want that someone to want me to be that someone for them too.

-mxy

My life is full of what ifs
And to be honest, I question everything.
I guess it's just apart of my nature. Never really thought it intrigued anyone or meant anything.
But what if it did.

what are you pretending not to know
what are you constantly hiding from the people you think love you
because you never know for sure
you never know for sure right?
and that bothers you
it's what you pretend not to know
you know they love you
you know they do
why must you pretend
why must you avoid
why must you not be strong enough to to accept reality
you pretend not to know almost every bit of news
you pretend not to know the obvious stated right in front of you
what are you afraid of
do you fear rejection
is that why you act so oblivious
is that why you act so ignorant
I AM ASKING YOU WHAT ARE YOU PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW
BECAUSE HONEY, I KNOW YOU
I KNOW WHAT YOURE HIDING
JUST TELL ME
WHAT ARE YOU PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW
I'm sorry, but the act is over
please take off the mask
it's for your own good
I promise
and you know that
you're just pretending not to.
-mxy

I'm afraid to fall back and I'm afraid to give in, yet it seems like the only thing on my mind. I'm afraid you'll judge my choices and you'll distance yourself from me. I'm afraid to let go because of the little bottle cap of hope in my heart that someone will pull the rope and cuddle all my sorrows away. I'm afraid you'll leave just like the rest and id be left alone with the thoughts still wandering in my head. I'm afraid to show people who I really am in fear of rejection, pity, or annoyance. I'm afraid to actually worry about myself because I think I've reached the point of insanity with no safety mechanism. I'm afraid to be stuck with nothing to look forward to and anxiety from the past. I'm afraid to never be loved; truly loved by someone who knows the very inch of my hair and my favorite rhetorical question. I'm afraid to let go but I'm afraid to keep holding on too. I guess I'm just afraid of fear or oblivion or the world or my mind or myself or the stars or my best friend. And to be completely honest, I'm afraid to no longer know what I'm afraid of anymore. maybe it's everything. or maybe it's truly nothing at all.
-mxy