Alexis Desire Martinez

Alexis Desire Martinez Sep 2016

I couldn’t help it
It wasn’t an intent or even a prospect
There wasn’t a Eureka moment
Or even a great speculation
It happened
With no preparation
No apparent occasion
And no way to faze it
I can’t bring myself to fade it
Because not once in my life span have I sustained this
But your making me wanna change it
Like ocean waves always crashing
I collapsed and fell
I may have hit a few rocks
Because I can’t swim back up
I try and I try
cause I know you don’t want to pull me back up
That you’d rather let me sink
Until I end up drowning
Cause you don’t feel I do
You don’t kiss like I do
You don’t love like I do
And finally
You won’t swim like I will

he doesn't love me and i love him

#heartbreak #poetry #sad #depressed #crying #suicidal

Alexis Desire Martinez Feb 2016

Cold

I am always cold
When the ice never melts, but
my heart is colder

#depressing #short #haiku #cold #emotional

Alexis Desire Martinez Feb 2016

I miss you

I miss you.
I am ashamed and weak.
To think that I who has never loved is missing you
you of all people
tall and strong with just the right amount of comedy
I miss you
With your dark brown eyes and long framed eyelashes
I miss you
with all your flaws like never knowing when to quit
and never listening to every word they spoke
I miss you
On Thursday nights at four in the morning
I miss you every day feeling cold
with the emptiness of your ghostly embrace
I miss you everyday
at six o' clock and past the eight o' clock
I miss you
and I am **weak

#sad #depressed #alone #cry #crying #you #missing

Alexis Desire Martinez Feb 2016

Your goodbye

I thought you wanted only me
at least that's what you said
That's what i felt
in the way you held my hand
in the feel of your calloused finger
gentle on the back of my hand
I felt it
the sparks
the butterflies
the rockets
all of it
the dark abyss enlightened by the touch of your palm
the grasp of your fingers linked with mine
I didn't expect to fall for you
I didn't expect to want you as much as i do
But you wanted me
I felt it in the press of your lips
Your soft lips tender against mine
How we closed our eyes
through our self in a cycle of torment
that I was so willing to risk
I thought you only wanted me
but you did't
my lips were too rough
my hands were too cold
my eyes too dark
I thought you wanted me
when we would talk in the midst of the night
and smile with our hearts on our sleeves
I thought you wanted me
but I was to messed up
I thought to much
and I talked to little
I laughed to loud
and I was to needy
I'm sorry
god I'm sorry
because I wasn't what you were looking for
even though I tried so hard just to be that
I am sorry
for not trusting you
I'm sorry for wanting you
in a way you probably never wanted me
I'm sorry for being Alexis
with the cold hands and the brittle heart
I'm sorry for thinking
that i was the only one you would want
I am sorry

Tbh this is why i dont do relationships

#sad #happy #anymore #even #who #knows

Alexis Desire Martinez Jan 2016

Definitions

The meaning of true is false
blinded by brainwash and ignorance
reminds me of the ways you made me repulse
masked by a thing of brilliance
I hope you see what you need
It's me
I see it in the way you can deceive
God, your naive
I don't mean to rhyme
but I thought it was time
to put you in a place I've been for years
Lonely, disgusted back to the tears
You were divine
Made me be blind
best friend, not
who would have thought
That I would be writing this thinking of you
But no none of this is new
should've seen this new present
hot flash, think back, and make me resent
But now we're though
Don't you see the meaning of false is always true

I wrote this about someone who i thought defined forever

#friends #not #best #more #angry #done #mad #any #frustrated

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