Then out of nowhere and at once, the voice stopped.
No lingering feeling of self hate
The questions
The pondering
It all came to a halt
A thing that’s been with me all these years
Came to an abrupt end
Not bitter
Not sweet
Just end
An ending i’ve been hoping, but not waiting on
I didn’t know that there was such a thing
As an end to it

A blabbering, mumbling sorrow of self pity
Or just a mere convenience of a lexicon with words to degrade myself
A daily reminder of how worthless I was
So I would’ve never forgotten my reason
A reason never explained
Never cared for
With a reach of a sovereign hand I touch the notes
Floundering through the air
Playing a floating piano
“A river flows in you”
Caring for unprotected skin

I was waiting for a different ending
An abrupt ending, not like this one
Fingernails not bitten off bleeding
A curious feeling of relentlessness
Not used to the feeling of not being alone

It all came to a halt
A voice that’s been with me for years
A sadness of emptiness is nowhere to be found
A clue to a healthy mind
Maybe a fear of what could’ve been if not the voice left
A sort of trembling worry of who to now complain when I do wrong
An understatement of falling leaves from my tree

I know my family will be glad
Even though I haven’t ever told them bout the pain I contain
Who to be worthy shall never pass
Through my gates of hell
No one is worthy of that pain
Maybe not even me?

I think this was and end worth waiting for

Procrastination

We stare unto the clouds
Waiting for the next instruction,
maybe of a fantasy to live in for the next hour
Then when days pass we start to wonder “what happened, who to do the dishes, who did the laundry?”
Then standing there in our one person apartment wondering who else we mean when we say “we”?
We didn't remember the broken bowls and ate in our only hat
We didn't see a future with life and carefree function
Only slightly  breathing through a telescope

Should have gone to the library
It's shoulders dosen't judge
nor dose it bend for your heavy heart
For they know the feeling of being forgotten and newly discovered

How easy it is to just fade into the background
How each breath gets thinner and thinner,
until it completely fades away

A mere puff of air leaves my lips
and the dust falls dancingly of the books shoulder
like an invitation to open and turn the page
return to a world you left behind
and rejoice in finding the lost memories of happiness and bright as childlike laughter.

For sow the wiz
and for that the bliss
Flee through the apple tree
It is harvest times
Now jam and sweet like pie
Oh the bliss of a midnight sky

We plied and plowed
and for that the bliss
Fill up a room, no one to miss
It is now harvest times
Us to remember the Queen of ages
Don't forget to pay the wages
Oh the bliss of lovers gazes

Further down the deep deep blue
Of ocean wonders, to remind of all the ships that went through
Rough patches of ill willed weather and stormy faiths
I hope we all remember that it is to Christ we stand our faith

Oh the bliss of Life
Oh the bliss of Faith

Oh the bliss of Summers mother leaving heaps of Love on the stairs
For those who not have the bliss of being sometimes missed
By someone who actually cares
even just a little bear
lonely in the woods a quiet autumn afternoon
Not knowing when winter starts or when to say hello to the moon

Who to say good night, good morning or good bye
When you are a lonely cub in the woods and your mama was a wish on a star.

Towering headlights screaming through the skies of daily banter
For a cup of wine and a glass of tea
Mixed shades of blue, winters blooming crystals
Sad sad mister snowman withering at the sight of bees
A tired Hawthorne and some busy Daisies
Carrying the leaves of tomorrows autumn day
Have a blanket
waiting for the dawn
with me