What the f---
Your profane sentence is stopped 3/4's of the way by a loud sound
CRASH
There it is again
CRASH
Buildings around you start to tumble
All of a sudden you hear new sounds
BANG
Goes the building
BOOM
Goes the car
You're in the middle of all this chaos
And all you hear are onomatopoeias
People are running around you
With their mouths wide open
CRASH
Goes the girl who you had a crush on in High School
BANG
Goes the man who ruined your parents relationships
BOOM
Goes the woman who made your life hell
The only noise these people are making are the sounds around him
It is a symphony of chaos
And he is the director
He stands in the center of it all
With his hands up high
Holding the final not of the finale of his composition
And then
CRASH
BOOM
BANG
Go the pieces of the building
Falling on him
Instantly killing him
But in the state of death he's in
He hears a faint roaring from the crowd
Roses are falling to his feet
"They loved it"
He smiled to himself

Go on and
pull my ribs apart,
take out the contents
of my heart
rip it to shreds,
do it again.

And I'll watch you
tear me apart,
over and over
because that's when
I can feel something.

She lay next to me
Still
Never changing
We felt so close
But whenever I would try to grab her
The gap would grow
Larger
Larger
Larger
And we would grow more and more apart
But after time the gap would shrink
And we'd be back where we started
And I'd reach for her again
And again the gap would grow
She's the one that I love
The still
Unmoving
Out of reach
Beautiful
Girl

I wrote them, he did not write back,
The walls of the buildings bore his name
and the jammed rhymes swam
at the tip of his pen,
they did not recall his youth
neither did I.

I sat back on the arms of my pillow,
he has become the city, the
restless street and restoring noise
I ran away from. The first grade corner
and kneeling nostalgia rushed
the doorway, vanished.

He absorbed the flames, lifted
the loops around my legs and my
mix matched shoes. The choosy
memory ripped off my rib cage
and filled it with
deep-deep golden moments.

When did he defictionalize my
September?
I never felt his hands or the mind
or his vertebrated little words but
The city, its lights and the marks
and traces
stagnated my baked brain.

Today I feel uninvited,
I miss the way I mused over his
******* youth, the music of
his wine soaked eyes and
the flawless silence he embraced.
Like always
He has become another cotton seed
Lost after my September.

my mom was right
when she said "don't look into their pretty eyes
you'll lose yourself in them" she said
"and they'll steal the most beautiful parts of you for themselves"
but i did not listen to my mother
instead i listened to the boys with eyes full of wonder
when they filled my head with lies
i suppose i had a thing for the way the words tasted off their tongues
making me feel they could do no wrong

my mom was right
when she said "don't let them taste your beautiful skin
they'll never be able to see you as more than a body after that" she said
but i was a silly little girl
and i bared flesh to the boys with strong hands
and sparkling teeth
it was just that when they touched me
it felt as if they'd never let me go
i felt safe
but i ended up becoming just another flavor on their list
a one-time taste

my mom was right
when she said "don't fall for the ones who seem to care about that precious mind of yours
because they don't"
she said
"because they never will"
she said
"they’re using your mind & your thoughts
as a method to get inside your body"
she said
yet i ended up pouring out my heart to boys with faces shining as bright as the moon
i told them about my wildest desires and my craziest dreams
like how i wanted to change the world and make people smile
they smiled
and listened
while they slowly unbuttoned my top
one piece of clothing at a time
i undressed my soul when all they wanted was for me to undress my body

my mom was right
when she said "don’t fall in love with their “live fast die young” attitudes
their definition of living in the moment
is use and abuse, my darling daughter,
don’t listen to the words they speak with their hands"
she said
"don’t let them fool you into thinking that your one night long romance
is b e a u t i f u l"
but i couldn’t help myself
i fell hard and i fell fast
spent the rest of my nights
wondering why it felt so wrong when at the time it felt so right
i blamed myself for being too clingy
when the truth was
i was just naïve and silly
they asked for my body
and i gave them my heart along with it
silly
silly
silly girl

my mom was right all along
& i wish i'd realized that
before i ended up all alone in my bed
my blanket full of regret
and stains of my mistakes
i'm sorry, mommy,
i'm sorry i didn’t realize you were right from the very start
now i'm paying my dues in *sweat, blood & tears

"I don't want/miss/still love my ex
I'm a hundred percent sure of that.
It's the relationship I miss."

"Not the person?"

"Yeah. Not the person.
I miss the relationship part,
if that makes any sense.

It's the being there for each other,
the stories at the end of the day,
the comfort of their kisses,
the softness of their touch,
the sweetness in their voice
when they need your help
getting a can of vegetables
that's high up in the pantry."

"Not the person, right?"

"Right.
Or, perhaps I do miss the person
and the memories,
and I'm just lying to myself
to make it hurt less."