Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Monica Mourad Feb 20
Minute by minute
Hour by hour
Day by day
That’s how it starts

You’re eyes smile scent fade
As the months come and go so does you’re memory
Places that once held pieces of you and me
History has rewritten for a brighter more promising future

Forgive and forget becomes the next step

Forgetting you was easy- you were never really all there… you couldn’t decide right?

Bread crumb after bread crumb filled with false hopes you fed me for 3 long weeks.
I kept trying to get off the rollercoaster - you wouldn’t let me.
Selfishly you kept me tossing and turning in your storm
Leaving me open to the anxiety doubt and insecurities

The culprit in the end-  “****** chemistry”
Seeing me wasn’t your priority yet wouldn’t we need to see each to gage the chemistry???
What do I know I am the naive ****** after all.

You chose to gaslight my innocence rather than acknowledge your lack of  thoughtfulness , actions,  and confidence.  

What if I was just not attractive enough for you …? Maybe I did something wrong ?

You were still a boy in a man’s body
A coward scared of your own shadow
Wanting to keep me in your orbit but never close enough to be yours.

What if I had done more ? Would that have made you claim me as yours?

Darling you thought dulling my shine
Keeping me small would make me need you.
Would make me want you more ….
You didn’t expect me too refuse to bend or break for you.

Mending, healing, rebuilding ME
I found my way to forgiveness- it hasn’t been easy
Yet forgiving you I have

With every passing season
The version of me after you
Is rooted back on solid ground
I am enough !
Breathing more steady
Everything is okay …
Smiling again wider than before
I am worthy of unfailing love
Laughing deep belly laughs
That echo louder than ever within my soul
I am not anyone’s second choice
Love for life, the simple things , and peace flows through my veins like sunshine.
Life is beautiful and you were never the source of that beauty or joy.

You did not break me
You awakened me
Reminding me that I deserve better
Because I am better
You were never good enough
Thanks for the rude awakening
never forget your worth .... you are the prize not a place holder
don't settle
Monica Mourad Aug 2011
Standing there unaware and unprepared
My world wasn’t ready for you
But you never said you would play fair
You stole my heart with just one smile

Like a spell I couldn’t shake
You became my favorite nightmare
And I knew you were unlike any other
Still words were impossible to fare  

As I willingly became your victim
Trapped in those hazel eyes
Your face now a movie of wonder
With no beginning middle or end
Just endless beauty to ponder
I was left defenseless… defeated

Sick of sticking in the shadows
Watching time come as days flew by
Feelings turned to ardor no longer bearable
I knew you had to be mine

My prayer answered on that cold night
As you sat alone wrapped in a blanket
A gift given only by density
Stars sparkled night became day
And you finally became mine.
Monica Mourad Mar 2015
A tangled web weaved
intricately designed, by patient time.
Three unfortunate victims of untold lies
Glances misinterpreted, signs and all now cease.

The truth will set them all free …
She thought his eyes only held hers that way
It will set you free they say
The signs were all there… promising

Braver he got… more confident he thought
“Hey I like you” found its’ way out one afternoon
Everything seemed to be right she thought ….
Truth is those words were not meant for her ears.

They fell on the ears of a close friend.
A friend who doesn't see those brown eyes the way she does.
Tangled and weaved the web becomes once again…
Only time will tell how this one ends....
Monica Mourad Aug 2011
Lost as my world comes crashing down
I fall down on my knees
As the pain slowly like a disease
Seeps into my heart
Slowly tearing it apart
Tears no longer able to hide
Come crashing down like hail
On a face I no longer knew.

Darkness gradually fills my heart
The emptiness creeps in my veins
Slowly numbing the pain
Love no longer exists
Hate becomes my life support

I close my eyes begging you for a sign
A glimpse of your light
A sense of your warmth
A taste of your peace
Anything please save me from myself
I can’t do this on my own anymore
I need you please just stay with me tonight.
Monica Mourad Jul 2017
You crashed into my life
loud and unexpected - you barged right in.
I didn't notice you at first sight,
yet you managed to break in .

First as a constant in my line of sight.
Then slowly you weaved  your web into my life.

I didn't see you at first sight.
But now I think of you at night.
You were always there and I thought maybe you might...
I promise my heart put up a fight.

But here we are -
me falling and you walking away.
I didn't want to see you at first sight,
because I knew I would be right.
Monica Mourad Feb 20
Eyes open eyes shut

Light flutters in like mist then fades like a silent wind.

Sunlight moonlight sunrise sunsets

Shades of light and darkness that emanate life.

Chaos and peace coexist within each transition.

Such is life and such is happiness…
shades of life and light
Monica Mourad Aug 2020
She lives amongst the stars
Thoughts are galaxies away
It’s safe up there so they say

Eyes like shooting stars
Fly across her sky
Glances of belittlement, pity, judgement
Soar fast across her sky

Silently dimming their twinkling lights
Mindless carefree flowing  thoughts
The ones they say her galaxies are made off
Are laced with unseen meteors of doubt, uncertainty, worry…
Meteors that leave craters as big as the moon
In her “perfect” galaxy

Sleep is blurred by the constellations of anxiety
Her favorite ones are imperfection, failure, loneliness  
Beautifully woven, tangled and outlined
Family.. friends…. lovers…
Intertwine and form the lines - connecting
These celestial masterpieces.  

The stars in her wide brown eyes never dim
Shinning bright,  giving off an aura of warmth and light.
They see a girl- a daydreamer
As Orion’s belt wraps around her waist tight.
Binding her to this utopia they say she created.

Head in the clouds girl
Oh how I want to be you  … they say
To inhabit this wonderfully created planet you live in
Called  La la land

Visit if you dare she says…
Appearances can be misleading. We are carrying our own burdens so choose kindness when you can. Don't judge a book by it's cover.
Monica Mourad Aug 2011
Cards shuffled back and forth
Diamonds, hearts, aces spades torched  
Precious and sacred yet volatile
Once friends now foes

The clock sounds.. tic  
Days months years torn
Seconds minutes hours lost …. toc
Pushed aside and forgotten
The cycle runs for miles

Families friends lovers all memories
Lie helplessly in the hands of time
Pasts futures combine
leaving no distinct design
Fingers try to find remedies….

As the cards begin to shuffle back and forth
Diamond, hearts, aces, spades become torched
The clock sounds … tic
Seconds minutes hours lost once again… toc
Monica Mourad Aug 2019
You were my ocean...
Shipwrecked in uncharted waters
Your hands became guides in a sea of fire
Your touch like a wave washing over me
Awakening the world around me ...
A new song murmured seductively by the wind
“Pull me in, hold me tight, tease me with your fingers ... bring me to life “ it sang as the boat rocked.

The fog rolled in unknowingly threatening paradise
Compass no longer pointing north
You’re kind brown eyes my north stars dimmed
My bearings no longer clear ... lost at sea
Treading the waters of uncertainty and doubt
I promise I tried to swim through the rip currents of silence
Ignore the roars of the winds that now shouted “talk to me,hear me... be part of my world...”

In the eye of the storm I thought
The warmth of your smile would shine down
Your sweet soft kisses would revive me
Keeping me anchored in your world...

Eyes still closed a river of peace moved through her. She knew the storm had passed.

The sun began it’s slow decent into the now tranquil waters.
Alone I sat watching the colors dance...liberated and free they danced brilliantly across the vast sky .

I let you go , you are free no longer bound by me.
But my ocean that you will always be she thought as she walked away...
Monica Mourad Aug 2011
Running moving trying to keep breathing
Thoughts   of    escape             fleeting
As the abysmal hands of uncertainty unwind
Wrapping around pulling me down
Falling through
                                        thoughts
                                                                    memories
Into a pool of fears and worries
Where everything becomes blurry
Choking on my reasons to fight
The promises the future might write
Now seem like a dream that just might….

Darkness where light should be
Breathe
Emptiness where hope once lived
Breathe just breath

A voice chants somewhere deep within the mind
Will this mantra save or just mollify
This torturous state of mind?

A disease it slowly and unknowingly spreads
Until surreptitiously it finds the perfect place to hide
Ramifying through every bone and vein
Till everything seems to be done in vain  
Hence its name … Perfection
Monica Mourad Aug 2011
Lost in a sea of glass
As Waves drown out the cries
And darkness illuminates the lies
Left with no one but a stranger staring you in the eyes

Friends that once had your back
Exchanged their friendship for the knife
Now wedged in your back
The pain spreads through every vein

But still you laugh at life
Smile at the lies
Run from the tears
And fight the urge to break down and cry
With the hope that maybe this charade
Will make the pain fade…
But it still remains

With no one you are left alone
Broken and torn
You stare at the stranger you have become.
Monica Mourad Aug 2011
Strength*  
An image of a man
Who has been weathered by the hands of time
Stands tall refusing to fall
As the world around him crumbles.

Eyes cold and distant
Clouded by a sea of sadness
Reserved and unbreakable he stands
As a million of emotions beckon him
*Cry

Scream
Do something…
Yet silence is all he allows to be heard

He watches helplessly as the unspoken words
Slowly fill the empty space around him
Acknowledging the solemn tear-filled eyes
That stare consolingly at him

While I one of the tear-filled eyes watch
The man …who to me is called grandpa  
Shut the world out
Letting nothing penetrate his solid exterior
A pillar of strength he stands tall
In the eyes of his heart-broken granddaughter.

Unaware of my admiration
He ignores the tears begging to fall
Fights the pain that is now spreading
Like a fire through every vein
Amplify his longing for the impossible
Breaking his heart of stone.

All this pain remains unseen
As he stands refusing to break
Unwillingly accepting that what he lost
Can no longer be found here…

His crutch in times of need
His shoulder to cry on
A friend that can never be replaced
All will forever be reminders of
The brother he lost.
Monica Mourad Feb 20
Tall dark and handsome
Kind brown eyes that held mine
Eyes that shined with false promises
A smile laced with uncertainty
Kisses filled with venom that fogged my mind

I was your muse  
My laughter a song that warmed your heart.
My endless well of comfort was  your sweet escape
My aura a confusing craving you couldn’t  understand

You kept me tethered to you
To lose me meant losing your smile
Keeping me would not leave you satisfied

A charming prince turned into a Puppeteer
A princess turned puppet
Strings laced in confusion and uncertainty
Replaced the warm caresses and sweet kisses

Refusing to be tethered by fickle charm
She pulled back despite the hurt
She’s a princess after all
You were never a prince -
Just a puppeteer looking for a puppet
hindsignt is 20/20
Monica Mourad Feb 20
One was left reeling
The other went on with  life

Two people words exchanged
On a Thursday at 2:00 pm
Feelings emotions intentions coming to light
One’s truth blindsiding the other’s truth
4 months of you and me
Trickled down to a 20 minute text exchange
That’s what I was worth to you.

Her reply unshaken disappointment
His reply an aloof “don’t be stranger … let’s be friends”
Silent tears mourning the idea of what could have been - she refused to let him see her break .
Him going about life - realizing he might not really want a clean break.

Me saying take care - walking away
You saying add me on social media - trying to keep me in your life

Words said can’t be unsaid
This is how the story of us ends.
I hate this part right here... the end.
Monica Mourad Aug 2019
Four walls …two bodies
Trapped words ...white noise.
A house on fire...
You... me … standing burning
Pretending the fire isn't roaring.

— The End —