Leaves singing their mourning song
beneath my weight after the betrayal
of the seasons' petals –
falling as men
falling back in my hometown
from the top of the parking deck; men–
falling as petals
falling from their places amongst the roses
in my grandmother's greenhouse.
        Both calling home to ground.

I forgive annihilation.
I forgive eradication.
I forgive termination, cessation, exhumation,
and I forgive myself
for ever being foolish enough
to believe that death owed me
an apology in the first place.
        *Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

Alice said "eat me" and I complied.
I dined on her dreams
and got drunk on her laughter
and grew to be too much for her in the end.

I wish she would have warned me
that the ways in which she changed me
would leave me alone at the bottom of
the rabbit hole–

I think one time I used to call it home down there.

If you came here
looking for a fight,
know that you will not
find one with me.
My white flag was raised
and I surrendered myself
to you completely
on day one.

right now, everything good is so difficult
because every step I take
towards my better tomorrow
reminds me of the future
that I'm leaving behind–a future that
I was completely in love with,

even if you were never
in love with me

I don't feel like I have any right
to write because words feel so empty
when the weight of the earth is nothing
compared to the weight of the burden
on the chest in a world blinded
by such irrational hatred
on both sides of a blood stained line.

I want to know
how it feels to be
so connected
to someone else that
you do not want
to live without them.

Please god connect me,
connect me
to myself.

In 1968, she poisoned her father,
1970, her mother-in-law
and 1971, her husband. 1986 was
her boss-turned-lover-turned-boyfriend
and by 1989, her attention was
focused on her second husband.
Exhumation became so common
that the local cemeteries were
renamed as her landfills.

She sits across from me–shoulders
squared and gaze relaxed–waiting
for any question I might come up with.
     What ran across your mind the very first time?
Her breath flees from her lips
and she says to me
     freedom.

I look her in the eyes–
     see a monster.
She looks me in the eyes–
     sees herself.