because the darkness grew
I lied and said you would help me be strong
but the fires in my eyes came down to roost
and now I can't help but sift through your ashes
to find your bones

is there any way to undo
the knots I tied around you
before I lit those flaming words within your soul?

is there escape from the walls I build
to keep me in?
because I don't mean to build them around you too
but somehow I do
and then we're stuck together

and more ashes litter the floor

afterwards.

can I not do this anymore?
or is there something inside me that
claws its way through my eyeballs
to find your soul and **** it bare
and leave it to dry in the night?

is it me?

I wish i knew if I did this to you,
or if it is the night
inside me
flirting with the day to find
a little spark of
demented happiness
in the screams of your eyes
when you look at me for

who I really am.

you know what? I wish I knew who I was
because lost inside the beating of my heart
I think I see a spot of color
but then it's gone and
I don't know anymore

I don't think I ever did.

Because there's so much more
to being me
than burning you.

I just want to find out what that is
because this demon isn't gonna stop
and I kinda wish it would
because I think my soul

is dying

or maybe life is death drawn out in tiny ebbing circles
like a tiny ebbing tide
and the ashes that I make of you
are the tears of last year's bride
condensed and broken into
microscopic
shards
of

fairydust?

Sometimes the more it hurts
          the bigger I smile.
So don't trust my words or my face;
       trust the colors of my soul.

And if you can't see those, then you don't know me
                    well enough to love me
                                        like I need to be loved.

Soulless shadow
sleeping in my arms.
When I look at you
you are no more.

What broke the glass
through which I saw
your soul?

Before the morning dawns
will this dream fade?
Lost like another
Fleeting escapade?

I thought time would

                                          stand still

I shouldn't try thinking.

    I though we could

              until

lights started blinking.

I thought the puppets that
we played with

Could still be real.

But beyond the rim of the edge of the world
Time is no more.
And there the dreams are real.

Can we go there,
maybe?
In another time?

I don't know how to get there,
But with you
                              I
                                        would try.

Before I go
There are cookies in the jar
A note on the mirror
A shopping-list on the counter
with a bunch of apples
for the horses.
And I love you forever.

there is no true end to anything
for every moment
is the beginning
of something new

after the egg,
a chicken
after the chicken,
chicken soup

and after the soup comes something new.
just a small thought





in a big world

it's all a buzz inside me
cotton fluffed between my ears
and ceaseless crickets droning,

like a tuning fork that never ends
but always holds the pitch
of time and undivided space.

an empty shell peering out at life
stuffed with eternal noises
of neurons crackling.

where's the fun in cotton candy
when it's stuffed inside my head?