my condition:
the doctors say
i am alive
but doesnt a heart need to survive?
isn't my soul
searching
when will it arrive
at places where my thoughts
can no longer reside
this life
is it worthless
dont we all feel
the suffering
the pain
the nothing
it is real
they all say its worth it
they all say its life
they say its beautiful
step into the light
we cant ignore the darkness
they are both friends
but every great friendship
has a great end
i know life is wonderful
i know we must begin
to work to better it
ourselves and start again
the hope
it is broken
our minds
they are too
our words
are not spoken
they'll be taking me soon
with this i will leave you
my cure:  let life live

I deal with fear nearly every single moment that I'm awake.
My past has left me a very fearful present.

I am also afraid and that feels very different.
  To me, being afraid is the current not directly tied to my past.  

Just a side effect.

Afraid of being fragile.
  Afraid of being pitied.
  Afraid of being angry.
  Afraid of being mean.
  Afraid of failing in school.
  Afraid of being abandoned.
Afraid of my husband leaving.
  Afraid of losing everything because I can never grip it tight enough.

I try to wrap my arms around Afraid
because I cannot hold it all in my hands.
  But then a tremor wiggles through my hand.
  And then it works its way up my arm.
  My shoulder shudders.
  My head twitches.
  The other shoulders rolls as my other hand is paralyzed.
  I am limp and worthless to contain Afraid.

Afraid tells me that I'm doing this all wrong.
  That I'm not healing right.
  Good enough.
  Fast enough.  

I am afraid of Afraid.