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 Oct 2016 morning glory
s
better?
 Oct 2016 morning glory
s
My mom and Dad called me at 6:30 this morning and asked me "are you even trying to get better?" And the only thing I could say was "I'm working on it."
Like I don't know what the hell "better" means. Is it being the old fake perfect me? Going to church every week? Smiling and laughing at the right times?
Is that "better"?
Mom I don't even remember ever feeling good so I don't know how you expect me to get there.
People don't want to hear that you're struggling. They want to hear that you are getting better and if you are not getting better then you might as well just hurry up and die. Stop wasting their time.
Idk that's really dark and ******* up.
I'm just venting.
I'm tired again
 Apr 2016 morning glory
Robin
2:04am
 Apr 2016 morning glory
Robin
I lie awake with thoughts of you occupying my mind

And I know that dialing those ten familiar numbers would get you here in a matter of minutes because it’s only 2:04am and you rarely ever sleep before 3.

But I will forbid myself to pick up the phone

Because although I would love to feel safe and secure I know it will just make it harder in the end.

How can I be at home yet feeling so incredibly homesick?


I try again to remember blissful moments

Moments before things got complicated and stressful

Like when you traveled thousands of miles to meet my little brother.

Or when we danced at a country bar in a small town to music we didn’t even know and enjoyed the company of people twice our age.

Or memorizing each other’s orders at every café, breakfast bar and ice-cream shop we went to.


I try to remember occasions before the shadows of your past made constant appearance in your character,

And those very shadows caused the very arguments that broke the one thing I was sure couldn’t be broken.


Now it’s 2:12am and nothing’s changed,

Just another night spent obsessing over what used to be.


R.M.
 Apr 2016 morning glory
mari
i'm just a rusty knife stuffed in the back of a drawer whose occupation is collecting dust. everything i do sounds like nails on a chalkboard but i don't care, it's not like i can change it anyway. there's a sour taste in my mouth that tastes a little like ***** and a lot like the acrid words i keep to myself. i'm choking on the smoke left behind by a broken promise that's burnt itself all the way down. the lacerations on my wrists may have healed but the scars will always remain like the hole you left in me. i'm rotting away in my room but it's not like i belong anywhere else so i guess it's okay.

i'm sorry i ever bothered and i'm sorry i ever tried. it's not like you gave a **** about me anyway, you made that pretty **** clear when you decided to abandon me.
for c: you electrify me with every touch, every whisper. i've loved you since we met even though you're bitter.
YOU
The thing is that I love you too much, so much I cannot even gather the strength or boldness to admit my deepest, most pure, sincere feeling for the person I call a dear “friend”.  I find myself dreaming of you continuously, it is maddening how much I think about you. Do you care? I’m certain you have never thought of me. You have no idea how much I wish to be in your space, overtaking every inch of room like oxygen that you are breathing in.  I long to be the bed sheets that cling to your iced mocha stained skin, caressing you each night as you fall asleep. I would be greeting you with warmth each morning, with comfort and a sense of peace. If I could I would be your favorite playlist, each song feeding your mood and emotion. I would give everything to be like the shoes that are perfectly snug on your feet helping to guide your steps where only peace would lead.  Whenever you work, I only hope to be the pen in your hands carefully sketching words or pictures down on paper, so that you do not forget. I will be the skies that bring you sunshine and raindrops upon your clothed skin. I desire to be the shade from a cloud over your head as you walk; everyday making an impact in your atmosphere. The stars in the sky would not dare be compared to the beauty of the entirety of you. The way you laugh like you are ashamed to be heard, the serious look of concentration etched upon your face like an astounding piece of art held in one of the most prestigious museums. Your smile could put me into my grave at any moment. Nothing compares to you, nothing replaces you, and nothing I could want but you.
I crave simplicity in a world so hectic
I need silence in a loud space
I want peace between earth and the human race
Silence please..
 Mar 2016 morning glory
s
IDKKK
 Mar 2016 morning glory
s
I hate being unsure
I hate not knowing what I should be doing
I hate living life just slipping by
I don't know why I need medicine
I think that life hurts and we numb it
life is not supposed to be easy
life is not supposed to be a merry go round
life is supposed to be messy and tricky and hard
Driving until I escape everything is honestly what I feel like doing
I feel like hiding until someone cares enough to find me
I also feel like I am supposed to be dancing
I am supposed to be trying harder
I don't know what I need to do
But I am going to keep going
Maybe I ******* up this year
Maybe life is not supposed to be like this
I am rethinking life in general
I need to stop playing it safe.
I hate myself a little bit
Rebel?
Maybe.

Sensitive?
Rarely.

Drunk?
Definitely.

Needing you?
Completely.
I appreciate your compassion. I recognize your desire to love and your joy in others' company. I notice your childish ways and your faith in love. I know that you live to be loved.

I once longed for you. I had no other desire above you than to absorb you completely. Feel your energy race through every synapse in my body and embrace you within every fiber of my body. There was once a time that I envied you. I envied you for remaining hopeful in the idea of love and being able to shut yourself away from the darkness that was once me. You found a safe hiding place inside of me that sheltered you from the storm for so long. And then there was light. And so you rose. You blossomed through me like a beautiful rose garden and shared your smile. You made me smile. You made me view the world differently and most of all you let love.

But your time has passed. I'd rather be alone. I wish for you to leave. Permanently. Pack what little remains of you and move out. There is no more room for you here. At this point I just wish for silence. You've brought many happy memories but you've also brought so much heart break.

Please understand, I am most grateful for the light that you have shown. And even though I ask for you to leave, does not mean someone else won't find value in you. Someone out there needs you; it just isn't me anymore.
 Feb 2016 morning glory
s
Isn't it funny how you can fall in and out of love with someone so fast?
Isn't it funny how one smile can make your day
Isn't it funny how fast you can change your mind
One minute your okay
the next you aren't the same person
like there is a switch in your head
I can see it flip
and that is when you scare me
I love you so much
I don't think I can do it anymore
I don't have a choice
I am trying to fall out of love with you
except have you ever tried falling out of a trench?
cause you can't.
I will just sit here and take it
cause what choice do I have..
Isn't it funny how you can hurt me so much
but I can still love you.
About a friend
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