i wanted to know love so badly
craved it’s attention more than anything
begged every night to be met with love’s miraculous acquaintance
i wanted to know the beauty that love had to offer those it greeted

love and i met randomly
it was a spur of the moment encounter
but i guess in my pleas i wasn’t specific enough
i didn’t meet the love i had hoped for, the love i had pictured
i met the love everyone can never outrun, i was faced with unrequited

unrequited wears the same mask as love
for awhile, makes you think you’ve met true love
but after sometime
unrequited reveals its identity but you’re heart is too used to its mask to realise
and then one day, you’re struck with reality
and the mask of unrequited fades
and you’re left with a broken heart and a mistake

Solitude used to be my retreat
But now that it's become a constant state with no choice in the matter,

It's turned from comfort
To a slow burning hell.

the ocean waves crash in and out
          in and out
                              in
                      and
              out
on a loop
            loop
               loop
                  loop
repeat after repeat repeat repeat
         again and again and again and again
a force pushes them
            a force pulls them
                                     push                  pull
                                          push          pull
                                             push     pull
                                                pushpull
like clockwork
like a magnet
-you & i

the sun is creeping towards
the horizon under the trees
and a sliver of moon is
all that remains of night

my chest
is tight
with heavy
dull twinges

and though i always
long for things to break
up my monotonous routine
a funeral on a thursday
morning in spring was not
exactly what i had in mind

yesterday was recycling
to the curb and while i
ripped apart boxes a
staple stabbed my finger

the sight of blood only
increased the palpitations
under my skin and i've been
trying to forget it for twelve hours

trying to forget
what's coming
ignore the sense of
gloom pooling around
my ankles and the anxiety
wound round my wrists

i just have to make it
through the morning
into the afternoon and
then i can tell the racing
thoughts in my head to
stop what they're doing

and they will
obey me

would it be too much
just to ask for a hug?

your car doesn't have
a cd player
which is a little unsettling
but i don't really mind

your hands remind
me of my dad's

i want to wear dresses
play taylor swift
spray myself in
citrusy perfume
and paint my eyelids
a shimmery pink

when i'm with you
i feel safe

i'm not convinced
that soulmates exist
but i am convinced that
we pick up people on
our way through life
and some of them just fit

some people are habit
can't remember a
time without them
and some people are the future
what could be instead of
what's always been

you're art in the foam on a cortado
you're a peach drenched in
heavy cream and limoncello
old overshirts and amaretto

you're champagne
and i'm the idiot
who intentionally
calls it "sham-pag-nee"

you can see through the
espresso stains on my
hands and arms right
down to freckles over scars

even if i slap myself to wipe
the pleasant look off my face
at the end of the day
you'll still think i'm cute

and when you say things
like that i start to feel all
gooey and underbaked
like a fallen cake with
cinnamon buttercream
melting down the sides
perfectly and
unabashedly flawed

i am selfish and afraid
and you don't seem to mind

so here's a toast to
letting someone new
into my life for
the first time
to allowing myself
to be vulnerable
and happy even if it
might be a mistake

because goodness knows
you're sweeter and softer
than i ever dreamed
someone could be

Some days feel like a hurricane,
and nights were the aftermath.
Then there's silence,
that's much louder than the war.

Some afternoons are for tea,
and coffee, or pre work out smoothie.

Some nights you feel like drinking wine,
or tequila, a bucket of beer
and sometimes all.
But, most of the time you feel like
throwing up.

Sometimes you eat clean,
but most of the time you eat ****.
Like how you eat your words.

On weekdays you work your *** off,
school, then gym, then study.
And on weekends you don't get up,
wearing pajamas and netflix all day.

It took me a while to understand
that life's all about balance.
You can't see sunshines
without seeing the storm.

It took me a while to understand
that this is okay.