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midnight blue Oct 31
my heart started beating rapidly
not out of Love but out of fear
distanced myself subconsciously
my mind was anything but clear

read old fun conversations
tried to recreate what’s there
but our friendship lost its foundation
yet we weren’t even aware

those arguments made me nauseous
couldn’t fight back couldn’t even speak
just became more cautious
and continued to feel so weak

suffocated in my own pain
trying to stay by your side
ended up with absolutely no gain
because what we had has died

tired of being stuck in a cage
in desperate need to flee
need to stop the constant rage
so leaving in hopes of being free
Sometimes we gotta do what’s right for us even if it hurts.
  Oct 26 midnight blue
Av
There is freedom in isolation,
in being idle and invisible,
where one could sit in muteness,
swim widely in dusk and ask,
"Am I really here,
if no one is around to see?"
A different kind of suicide

There is pleasure in being a shadow,
in pretending you don't exist,
to avoid acting like you do

Solitude isn't a time for me
to let myself free
but rather a time to free myself
from who I am

Outside the confinement of company,
I am anyone and anything,
I am someone else, somewhere else
I am alive,
but I am no one
I am alone

a.r.
In her pretty brown eyes
You could see it
Even with that dainty smile
Her happiness
Vanished
She saw
The disgust
As she looked in the mirror
The hatred
Took over
Her self-love
The pain
Changed
Her mindset
Now
She had sleepless nights full of hopes and dreams
Where
Her tear stained cheeks hit the pillow
She was troubled
Her only wish
Was
Becoming an aura that made people think of the color yellow
She remembers when
If anyone asked
She would’ve said
“I’m used to it.”

Now read from bottom to top.
October 29, 2019 (9:47 PM)
midnight blue Oct 25
Another footprint washed away
but I’m still grounded
my feelings buried so deep
yet my waves try to scream
begging To be free

My tides alternate
looking for another way
to somehow escape
this violent cage
pleading, “Set me free”

Somedays
it’s too much to bear
my anger gets unleashed
the storm within me
can’t help but Break free
This one is for everyone who holds back their words and their anger until it all builds up and explodes
  Oct 18 midnight blue
z
when people are in love
they often say
they simply fell
tripped over their own two feet
face forward
and into the arms of their beloved

i did more than simply fall
onto the ground of your love

you, for me
were an ocean
and i dived
headfirst
roughly
harshly
almost painfully
into the waters of “you”

i knew i could not swim
but i did so anyway
i was drowning
entangled in you
surrounded by this being of “you”
engulfed in this feeling of “you”

and i did not know what came over me
but i let myself drown
i did not try to swim back up
because if i went back to land,
releasing myself from your grasp
that would mean losing the feeling of “you”

and after
submerging into the depth
the love
the passion
of “you”

how could i ever leave?
midnight blue Oct 18
Haunting me every second
Holding me captive every minute
Caging me every hour
If only I could control my thoughts

Criticizing me every second
Scolding me every minute
Hating me every hour
If only I can minimize my thoughts

Overthinking every second
Keeping me awake every minute
Replaying my mistakes every hour
If only I can shut off my thoughts
I was inspired to write this poem by another poem from a book I read called “Every Last Word” but I wrote about overthinking and negative thinking. Something that I feel like never ends sometimes.
midnight blue Oct 17
Stuck in my own thoughts
All alone
The darkness swallows me
As a whole
Overthinking is like drowning in your own body
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