I fell apart
   I fell hard to the ground
Felt myself shatter into
some large pieces
and some small ones.
too small to pick up again.
                              ****** fingers-
                                            shards of glass.
Nothing could be done.

I fell apart
               identity split between
thousands    -       millions of
things that make me up.
split between
                         daughter/feminist
                     partner/student
                       privilege/marginalization

split between
                         "it was bad for me
                       worse for you"

how does this erase

                  how much light does this
             give?
                             How much love is
                shared and exchanged

    when we fall apart

                             by choice

you know when you miss someone so much
it’s like tsunami tides washing over you
and it almost hurts to breathe
you just stand there, not knowing what to do
overcome with emotions that makes you think of days long gone
and people that have walked away from you.

i didn’t expect you to be gone so soon—
i feel like our conversation is still hanging in the air
just waiting to be continued

i still have so many things to say to you
but i guess they’re going to have to be
left unsaid, forever stuck in my throat

sometimes i sit here with my heartache
raging quietly inside of myself
and i don’t know what to do with my hands
my chest feels tight
and i feel like i am drowning

i want this feeling to stop now but i know it’s going to take a while
so i just sit here and try to repress it
because i don’t want to let it overcome me.

You asked if I was okay
I said I was fine
But you didn't think twice
About leaving my side

But I'm not okay
I need you here
Because the wretched night
Brings out my darkest fears

Near is the friend that will let you begin again
that gives you grace, and love when it is needed
until you can own it, and believe it.

Near is the friend that comforts you when you're sad
or, wipes away your happy tears when you're glad
who never leaves your side
even when you want to run, and hide.

Near is the friend that can look into your eyes
and, will never tell you lies
that uses words you know are wise
telling you everything will be fine
who strengthens your spirit all the time.

I couldn't do what you said
This is a death note instead
There's these voices in my head
Just wanna put them to bed
They've been screaming 'bout the pain
That's been coursing through each vein
I've been trying to hit reset
This is all such a mess
They said suicide is a sin
But this game I cannot win

I know she's there inside of me
and how she makes a scene,
    just when I see you with her,
         I turn a little green.