Let me just say,
I'm sorry for all of this:
The lack of appreciation and the disrespect.
All the times I put my tongue in my cheek,
or my head up my ***.
I never looked in the mirror and saw
someone I didn't like...until now.
I see weakness in my eyes.
My bones feel paper thin.
I may not be perfect but, baby I was trying!
It hurts more than you know,
to come to our empty home..
and sit down all alone.
Yet I did this to myself?
I just ******* miss you.
If I abused anything, ****,
it was calling you mine.
I said it like I knew you'd never leave me.
and it didn't change a thing.
You walked away like I was nothing.
I watched the videos of us,
printed the pictures.
Torturing myself for no reason.
A moment of happiness has slipped.
through my fingers. Or has it?
I'm confused about life,
about who I am.
Without you I'm nothing,
I'm not who I want to be.
I keep telling myself I don't need you.
I don't, okay? I don't.
I wanted to grow old with you.
Never lose those precious butterflies.
You always gave me butterflies.
Sometimes I miss the constant attention,
nagging, screaming, cursing..?
I regret the arguments and I never
wanted to hurt you.
But I did. I did and I understand I
Can never take it back but at least,
can you forgive me?
I'm terribly sorry.
For all the nights I slammed doors,
pushed you out of the room, screamed back.
I'm sorry for crying so much and nagging.
I hate myself when I look back,
I still cant believe I said some of the things
I screamed at you.
I just needed you to hear me.
I loved the way you laugh,
disappear for 30 minutes,
even that stupid ******* smacking
of stupid ******* peanut butter.
I would rather hear you smacking,
than the silence that is now my life.
Does that hurt?
How could you be so dumb?
I just wanna come home, slip off my shoes
Play Diablo 3 with you.
But **** it, I don't ******* need you.
All those nights I waited for you to come home,
Every time I called and got your voicemail,
Every ******* inaudible voicemail I left.
Had I known, ******. Had I only know.
You were never alone.
You were just a ******* L I A R.
And you'll never be any better.
Everytime I woke you up because I
had thought you had slept long enough
just because I missed you that much.
How could you be so dumb?
I loved you like no one else ever will.
I thought that was bad, this is worse.
You are a *******.
How did I love you so ******* much?
I must be missing something here.
And mean literally.
I'm missing my other half.
Or am I really? Maybe,
just maybe..you're missing me.
Missing the all night phone calls,
the chats over lunches, smoke breaks
and texts back and forth.
The cute pictures we would take,
I'm sorry for always being so specific.
I remember how much you hated
my selfies with you. I'm so sorry
I wanted to show the world that I was yours.
You made so many arguments and it kills me now.
How could I be so dumb?
I know I can change and, I was trying.
But it wasn't going anywhere. Yet.
And it didn't need to. I was good for you.
Still, I know I can make a difference in myself.
Maybe..be someone you would like.
Someone you could truly love.
But I'm good how I am.
You always said I tried to change you,
yet it was you always picking at my flaws.
Oh, am I not the same?
Not that 17 year old with pink hair.
Goofy, care free, college bound.
Not that young, quiet, shy girl from 1300 miles away.
No. I became the loud, nagging wife you lived with everyday.
Have you ever thought it was because of you?
You stole my young heart, took me from my home,
showed me what a man's love was and then,
you just ripped my ******* heart from my chest.
And I will never, ever change. Not for you.
I'm sick of thinking, sick of feeling.
Away from you, my mind is reeling.
Remember?
It's because I'm finally seeing that you,
you are the one at fault here.