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An involuntary spasm
of the diaphragm
and respiratory organs,
with a sudden closure
of the glottis
and a characteristic
sound like that of a cough.

Rather mundane topic
lest one cursed
with said minor inconvenience
that subsequently manifests
into protracted health crisis.

I write much hiccup ado
about nothing, which
involuntary explosive release
comes clear out of the hiccup blue
nary a sponge bob
square pants handy dandy blues clue,
where in tarnation
this uncontrollable bout
jarring the Jimmy Neutron body
electric all's well
that ends well hiccup do.

Why such physiological
spasmodic trembling
undulating weird phenomena
uncontrollable peculiar singultus kickstarts,
where one of many
extreme measures now suggested
such as ramming cloven hoofs
down the gullet wool shear
lee be in vain
to bring closure of glottis hiccups ewe

you wool sheepishly  
moost likely find annoying
as this hiccupping buck feels few
breaths short of taking
another potential drastic action…
like hiccup swallowing glue
as an extreme solution
wide whirled, webbed series
of being held hostage
resorting to asking Horton hears a Who

to stomp his elephant legs
(also known as hottentot bread)
atop thee abdominal chest
(me not ribbing ye dear reader)
despite impossible mission
to escape, thus truncating mein kampf
and additional fail safe measure
being trundled to an igloo
serving as ice cold emergency room
of a mockup hospital or calling

on the ghost of  the late veterinarian
James Herriot to scare doggone
such hiccup caterwauling
catering to gentile
or skeletal anorexic
hunger artist appropriately named Jew
Lean, thus, time and again
when said hiccup affliction
holds me hiccup hostage
ye dear stranger knew

seeking cure twill drive me towards
considering additional outrageous
acts of desperation
such as sticking ma head in the loo,
which bizarre reaction
on par with holding
out an appetite
until famished for moo
goo guy pan mixed
with delicious bowl of new

dulls steeped in broth,
an island delicacy renown on Oahu
even this atheist would ask
for salivation praying in a pew,
whereby sound of silence
echoed by hiccup right on queue
when nary a burble
until reaching amen hiccup rue
stubbornly persists,
no matter resorting

to consider extreme unction measures
at suppressing explosive strew
wing upsurge of diaphragm,
accursed diabolical solution
holding breath until
turning blue in the face  
simultaneously forcing air thru
alternative orifices such as:
nasal passage and/or mouth, ears
or out derrière as last ditch effort.

Oft times physiological phenomena  
faintly resembles bobbing up and down
analogous to the celebrated
jumping frog of Calaveras County
seriousness one best not undervalue
with a snort
lest ye surpass one poor soul
when an accident
on June 13, 1922,

Charles Osborne  
(experienced 20 to 40
involuntary diaphragm
spasms per minute)
hiccupped nonstop,
which condition persisted
for more than six decades,
only ending in 1990,
a full 68 years after it began.

Osborne's plight remains
the longest attack
of hiccups confirmed
by Guinness World Records
invariably accompanied
no doubt by a voodoo
Practitioner…until…at last whew
hiccups stopped  mysteriously
as they started
bringing relief
to him who analogously felt like
caged primate in a zoo.
After reading the novel titled
Broken English by Paul L Gaus...

accentuating, exhibiting, incorporating...
the Amish, whose long history of farming
with horses and mules, dates back
to when horse-drawn plows
first used to break up the earth.

While some newer Amish farms
use tractor-drawn equipment,
many Amish farmers still prefer
to use horse-drawn implements.

Said sturdy and simple contrivance
sports prominent envious society
regarding yours truly,
who feels tethered to capitalist construct
gagging me with unremitting yoke.

Hence, I experienced being woke
at mine incompatibility
inured my entire life
to the abstract codas, credo, dogma,
ethos, karma, mores, precepts...
constituting western civilization.

How quaint to bare witness, where townsfolk
congregate to resolve community conflicts
suspicious should an hyperconscious,
and pugnacious "English" poke
their figurative noses
where they don't belong kinsfolk
of sect who sell dried tobacco
foodstuffs, crafts evoke
hankering (regarding yours truly,
a run of the mill doubting Thomas)
to become linkedin

with a voluntary community
less restrive than
the so called "plain" people,
unencumbered with materialistic trappings
whereby assignments delineated
governed jump-started
by age and gender at birth
men assigned physical tasks,
while women linkedin to domestic role,
members of the sect
know their role from cradle to grave.

Aside from delineating
responsibilities predicated
on whether an individual
child, teen, or adult,
their culture allows,
enables and provides
self reliant lifelong skill sets
whipping a proud member into
topnotch shape of body, mind and spirit.
accursed creepily haunting
phantasmagoria wraiths
vandalize residents psyches
within their sleep induced state

sublimation shunts
slumbering souls
unknowingly held hostage
successfully sacrificing

semi-smothered silent species
snoring simians steadfastly succumb
subsequent sibilant sounds  
woo woebegone wicked transmogrification

dilapidated divested bodies deposited
wizard waves wand
watching whirling wretched lovely bones
whipsawing (in toto) within abyss
  
whooshing whistling wheezing
whets warlocks appetite wakening
brutish nasty nightmare
sinister hulking spirits

steal assorted corporeal essence
monstrous mashing somnambulant
mephistophelian shadowy satanic satyrs  
supremely swallow senior citizen bankers

deep within catacombs
of Highland Manor,
deadened defeated Delphic Oracle  
relegates human husks,

viz spent embodiments
to the under world lay siege
sinisterly seeding, via sinister spirits
one pure evil particularly wicked

witch thy capering
sickening ghastly plot against
unsuspecting spouse snatched
parch trey gnarled warty claws.
Temporary salient sunny solitary sight
does dole divine delight,
asper this dada to imbibe
delicious draught when uptight
fraught, viz sunkist radiant photons

packets of energy with
life giving hefty might
to warm formerly frost bitten cockles,
which secluded niche bracketed by slight
recess, where perpendicular brick walls

converge, forming mini refuge
beckoning tours ruly forthright,
this solitary scribe savored moment
of peace simply lollygagging excite,

hence lawn chair and reading material,
I did not schlep in vain,
cuz the others didst ordain
to succumb, resign,
and quit living sadness quite plain

(reed depressed churly
elderly lonely, utterly bane
residents), each whose private engineer
within their respective uber driver trundled
each individual along nostalgic train

on this pitch perfect in the main
spring day, they nebulously,
melancholically, and lethargically lain
abed flipping remote go'n channel
surfing and fishing, or

time age faded memories raised cane,
now offer bitter cold comfort,
where grievous frostbitten former halcyon salad
days of yore elapsed replaced with mundane
decades analogously pain

full as chilblain
exhibiting feeble gumption to live
dogged effort to die dost drain
ability (to bow out, i.e.
waiting for Godot)
each oldster fragile as porcelain

curmudgeon cast as deadened thespian
while days of their lives issue sad quatrain
rewind/replay within cobwebbed brain,
one despairing luxury of escape
afforded by venturing via imagination
to join deceased family,
where eternal happiness doth never wane.
since becoming housed here since this year
july first two thousand and seventeen,
   tubby more precise where
with thee missus, amidst bucolic environs,
   (one could don underwear

Schwenksville, Pennsylvania  
   trees abundant with leaves of grass spare
zip cone: one nine four seven three,
   this resident doth not find queer

disproportionate amount of time,
   he spends never to overhear
the mostly soundproof walls
   inside apartment b44 assigned midyear,

one bedroom living social space
   gives ample opportunity to assess linear
ratcheting asper elderly folks inch along
   chronological space/time continuum
   fragile as jasperware  

many experience diminution
   of vital sensory organs, and oft time cannot hear
even without television blasting away,
   no doubt harboring anticipatory anxiey sans,

   grim reaper's unannounced visit they fear
their non verbal body language
   (when aye espy and stride-rite past,
   an old lady or man riding shot gun

   securely strapped in wheel chair,
   shuffling back where buffalo used to roam,
   or trudging to common
   all purpose gathering place)

   speaks volumes analogous to a frightened deer
when caught blindsided
   within bright lights of an automobile 'ere
unsure which way to go, and dashing out in the thick
   of evening rush hour traffic,

   lacking notion, the figurative coast not clear
subsequently doe ting bucks killed, where birds of prey
   thence loftily circle gracefully  
   gliding within upper atmospheric air

upon scrutinizing what doth appear
as a hollowed out existence induces me to de clear
to maximize utilizing each precious moment 'ere
before each major metaphorical cog and gear
frankly zaps, this dude looks like a lady,

   cuz ah ma longish bedraggled
   hydrogen peroxide tinted hair
me haint give a rats ***
   what rumor mongers relish, and behind me back jeer

Since old people lack for purposefulness tis unlike to leer
that one day (fast as snap of fingers),
   lack of being ambulatory t'will be near
and upon limitation in physical functionality,
   aye aim to app pear
motivated to partake of mental exercises
   just sitting on me rear.
Courtesy Goofus and Gallant
who began their broadly-drawn
moral plays in the 1950s,
initially depicted as identical twins,
but later on, editors for Highlights
indicated the two were brothers,
but not twins, and by 1995,
they simply existed as two unrelated boys.

Analogously, ineptly, and uniformly juxtaposed
slipshod verse best flushed down toilet
or slid down into the behavioral sink
of garbage disposal,
yours truly presents the following
worthless trademark worded poem.

Since this then year
July first two thousand and seventeen,
tubby more precise where
with thee missus,
and I dwell amidst bucolic environs,
shuffling back where
buffalo used to roam,
one sandy randy
handy dandy chap could don
“I hate boys” underwear
Schwenksville, Pennsylvania  

trees abundant with leaves of grass spare
zip code: one nine four seven three,
unmotivated to partake of mental
exercises just sitting on me rear
this resident doth not find queer
disproportionate amount of time,
he spends never to overhear
lack of being ambulatory t'will be near
the mostly soundproof walls
inside apartment b44 assigned midyear,
one bedroom living social space

gives ample opportunity to assess linear
ratcheting kvetching asper
elderly folks inching along
chronological space/time continuum
purposefulness tis unlike to leer
that one day (fast as snap of fingers),
me haint give a rats ***
what rumor fishmongers relish,
and behind me back jeer
since old people lack
for fragile as jasperware

before each major chord din hated
since becoming housed here
and oft time cannot hear
even without television blasting away,
no doubt harboring
anticipatory anxiety sans,
frankly zaps, this dude
looks like a lady,
while making love in an elevator
cuz ah ma longish bedraggled
hydrogen peroxide tinted hair

many experience diminution
grim reaper's unannounced visit
metaphorical cog and gear
of vital sensory organs,
they capable of inducing fear
their non verbal body language
speaks volumes analogous
to a frightened deer,
when caught blindsided
within bright lights
of an automobile 'ere

unsure which way to go,
as a hollowed out existence
each precious moment 'ere
induces me to declare
to maximize utilizing
and dashing out in the thick
of evening rush hour traffic,
lacking notion, the
figurative coast not clear
when aye espy and stride-rite past,
an old lady or man riding shotgun

securely strapped in wheelchair,
or trudging to common
all purpose gathering place
subsequently doting bucks killed
upon scrutinizing what doth appear
and upon limitation in physical
functionality, aye aim to appear,
where birds of prey,
thence loftily circle gracefully
analogous to
rocketing fame of Aerosmith  
gliding within upper atmospheric air.
A written account (that incorporates some
self directed hyperbole) of this veritable stranger
now appears before your screen. Soon
after reading this message, the neighbors

might discern a blood curdling series
of (hyena-like) shrieking screams.
No worry. That would be the mating call
of the hairy Harris mama bear.

Ready! Set! Click!

A scary reflection greets me whenever
I summon up enough steely courage to take
a sneak peek into the mirror. Before
spider lines start to appear across the
shiny surface and subsequent cracks

and fissures dissolve the glassy surface
these deux hazel colored, myopic be
spectacled eyes quickly absorb a most
frightful countenance and visage.

That near legendary and trademark feature
of longish, wavy and brown straggly hair
seems to fill the entire view. Hidden among
avant garde rhapsodic bohemian, Cro-Magnon,
Neolithic, non-every-man style of un-styled
non dread full locks (interspersed with silver follicles

indicative of acquired worry fighting off
garden variety prehistoric creature) can be discerned
a brutish, nasty and short proto-human with
high forehead, which allows, enables and provides
more skin surface to bang against wall when frustrated.

My somewhat outsize ears and longish neck
(I swear exist, which contrary to popular myth
never seen by living persons) support this egg shaped
(fried or scrambled some might argue) head.

A mostly flat and hairless chest attests to a regular
regimen of light (self-concocted) chest-pounding routine.
Exercise (as well as meditation) a vital part of my
daily program to deal with the ordinary stresses
of primitive existence. Coffee happens to be the

sotto voce sole vice, which exotic brews provide
helpful jump-start. I sometimes even chump on cup
kept teeth sharp. That unproductive habit came
to a screeching halt after breaking every pearly white.

Now to that locale known as the trumpeting ****
pull stilts skin. Although the unseen forces of biology
and genetics dealt me an itsy bitsy, tiny *****
(which serves as the but for fellow Apes to taunt

and tease) such anatomical feature offers little
value as the worthiness of ****** prowess.
This palm pilot sized gluteus Maximus offers one benefit.

Ease to squeeze into tight spaces without getting stuck.
This tiny ***** accompanied by a vestigial and
teeny-weensy ****** schnitzel of a phallus, which
undersized **** a doodle do doth bulge into

an erectile state within shooting distance of
coveted warm, wet and wooly private world
property of each and every woman.
A pair of skinny (flamingo like) legs (covered in
adequate hair) now completes this general character sketch.
photographs rarely doth me justice boot at least some idea will be available if aye seem appealing enough to kiss. boy george, i will try to maintain a thorough lee good convivial over tone so police pardon moi, who calls out justin timberlake time this hermit tick lee sealed hominid dwelling metallica regular rolling stone sans placid yet poison end herman hermits stung by the scorpion human league this abba ca dabra purported - vee lad putative culture club virtual puddle of mudd digital glop, nor conclude me crud cuz, this olda boy - by george wants 2b yo steve a door miller bud jist hole dejure sly and the family stone horses that wanna prance n let there be dragons, seals and crofts me fair lady gaga cuz u auto let my *** pistol gofundme 2 see eddie money far hay, how duh name of dis swiftly tailored tar nation did ya got a hold - don't be afraid e cat nor slink away like a def leppard, fur mebbe i wrote cha from this utter alias name from zee station here or maybe at my previous abode while sipping tea? enjoy a glass of vintage wine don't let the rush o time induce necessity to reciprocate with one or more lines for your aura, charisma, enigma variations align to evoke an alluring, captivating, enervating charm of a gal, whose electronic presence felt as like an animal farm-ville replete with picture perfect barn, and chicken coop where foxes befriend each hendricks without harm dis here buoy i.e. stanley steamer doth newt goot any piercings and no tat twos any where, boot not bothered by a gal covered froom head to foot, or...one with my name i.e. matthew scott harris 'tho no emerald, ruby sapphire, nor flash gordon in the pan could ever sway me away from living a short span that would allow, enable and offer at least a millennium where we can take a spin in my car a van actually, this bloke drives a 2020 hyundai elantra, which revving engine silenced guns and roses without inducing your stomach 2 turn and skin appear to turn green, when most would agree this mutt spouts a meaningless pro verb whose poe it tree haint superb with no intent to perturb butta sprinkle your monitor with some savory her band...also ye need not worry this schlemiel ***** trained habit upon georgian bush doth politely curb. witness this somewhat inn o 50 cent pennywise thrift, nickelback, dime a dozen face no bias, boot moi christened name, would be matched by equipoise ****, and amazing grace becoming a worthy friend within the milieu of virtual place who could disguise herself as being an alien from the human race perhaps our egress living **** seems light years away in an acme safeway, wholefoods, et cetera and secure distant virtual or real space so if intrigued to learn more send bits o digital feedback in binary code or across the heavens some skywriting message these eyes (e'en though tired like twin led zeppelins) will trace. i wish (as u2 might also desire as belonging to the human league) to feel that palpable poison us scorpion stinging pearl jam metallica making egress viz in living color deep purple reigning village people. this beatle browed (harkens to the black crows of Nazareth) that sound akin 2 rushing train of pleasure that courses thru an entire being (during black sabbath) on account of welcoming frequency to explore journey toward nirvana sans writing as the mental foreplay toward...inxs letting this red hot chile peppered beastie boy playing with one bare naked lady. even if something real and tangible a possibility, you could be disinclined to step up to a closer degree of intimacy, perhaps based on seriously involvement with a significant other since progressing thru the creed dent shul of many emotional/ spiritual trials and tribulations. no need from me to resort with insistence (vis a vis induce any hype or pressure, yet once in a lifetime golden finger red opportunity) to experience one direction of joey vivre enjoyment of me as feigned bad company. police - kanye kim e sump tin faw free swiftly tailored made oh kay tee perry up so i can go gaga over ma dear lady.lettuce both induce glee juiced send n email 2 me 3 doors down with inxs of pearl jam shutters no beginning nor plea cuz ah already rote in ma dire straits pledged yar troth can, yippee contrived virtual toy story qua ratatouille poetic brew could materialize in2a likely chance such an idea prods me 2 shrek out with excitement & dance just in case a glimmer of prospect in the park exists. this self anointed bard dislikes formality, hence i present good humor skills, which hopes to enhance this chap who offers poetic expression uncommon in france. he sets sights on sand fran sis go. take a glance 2 help dis intuitive **** sapiens sharpen mental acuity like a lance bite size bit torrent word play might cause ye 2 soil pants interpreting hodgepodge as rave & rants. even platonic rapport would buoy positive stance intent worth b friend ding, 2 sway au currant series electronic charge affect hypnotic trance 4 consideration 2 advance. I betcha never red an intro duck tory reply like this quacker. i'm an ink blot from bic pentameter typed o'er electric wires boyish looking blood muggle father up in years, (whose nonpareil courage 2 face Voldemort, which exploit does tire), and 2 luv lee young adult girls want him 2 sing miles away from the choir 2 prevent game raw bits of yar self 2 acquire frum a boyish chap dreaming excitedly 4 grandiose ******* interludes joyful kindle bound by pages o love, who lives within perkiomen valley, penna, but, yukon only text. postscript nose one: would you care2 become my bride no joe king nor do i chide please take me away alive or freeze dried or sere this buck hits hide, which lil maximus m butted pill grims pride moon thuntz later whipped mir cull o joy n pure writ tin pride. postscript nose two: i noah nuttin bout witches r warlocks boot feel spellbound with magic dat mockshard science and knocks said solid ******* principles that hocks some basis in astrology n such early learning blocks of humanity - now swept away like chicken pox virus, yet those un-named discoverers of matter allow artificial satellites capable to establish docks far removed from gravitational force when (keep this on the qt), those spacecraft lobbed into cosmos base sic lee from a potion of balled up soiled red socks void where prohibited by sign language or pop yule lye vox. unlike my personality to come across like some forceful chap ling go ring, ******* buster keaton being ****** will buoy us alight if we take to some invisible primal grunting wing from - this average male member egret, who rem members when we first met and consider thee a queen for this rolling stone, who emails (then abduct) me via the net adieu. Bye. chow now, this mwm will await pleasure like when ye text me - if willing, ready, eager and able create r hard woo n intimate ace cee dee cee zip pity doo dsh fable enjoying your cuntry villa mossy two lipped gable ****** sans the medical terminology whispered to thee when voiced per phone where airwaves crackle, snap n pop like mayhem of cars or babble heard at tower of babel via telephonic cable or rsvp tap text message to me a dope gang pull chose er this label the offspring of one great great great...grandmother named Mable who adorned herself in horsehair woven from her thoroughbreds kept in a golden arched stable housing a large equus shaped table.
Acuity absent amidst domestic turmoil,
passage of time nsync with diminished
pitched family emotional battles relieves
blinded insight allowing, enabling, and
providing painful awareness incumbent

to mourn the absent paternal maturity, I
reach out with genuine non petty heart
ache aware impact loosed mismanaging
attentive can never be expunged, nor can
yours truly (me) affect diminished rancor

quite understandable, cuz anger gypping
healthy development (body, mind, spirit
triage) during majority, viz mein kampf
i.e. permanent arrested maturation leaves
papa experiencing grievous sadness plus

mixed grabbag (no, NOT plastic) comp
wry zing livid rage, how mine existence
bereft of untested discomfort compounded
courtesy extreme introvertedness linkedin
with immense anxiety, minus self esteem,

self acceptance, et cetera, where torturous
mindset difficult to comprehend decades
removed, when innocent naiveté cleaved
childhood's end aborting short lived bliss,
where loving parents birthed this offspring

neurologically riddled with devastating hear
owing, lacerating...psychologically blistering
pain reflexively found withdrawal into shell
totally detached where human league, family,
of origin, classmates...seemed bajillion miles

away alone within minecrafted bitterly cold
wilderness not accessible by father, mother,
sisters, and then later progeny and spouse,
hermetically sealing myself totally risk averse
to interact, thus invariably penalizing capacity

against growth unwittingly truncating, stemming,
rooting behavior – imprisoned labyrinth castout
never feeling important, especially during early
boyhood, adolescence, young adulthood, and
retrospectively deeming garden variety generic

lad ill equipped to cope with ordinary everyday
circumstances (as grown ascribing unfortunate
series of events) to biochemical and physical
anomalies (most binary non visible) exhibiting apathy
during formative stages deeming life arduous

ordeal, thus self resignation toward attaining
nothing short of failure reinforced with abysmal
academic and employment track record, where
death be not proud donned and trumpeted as
anorexia nervosa inflicting permanent irrevocable

harm even till this very moment dumbly smarting
as more or less solitary, lone wolf dissociated
concerning emasculation, isolation, liberation
never joining the thick of hoopla - deathly off
frayed rejection would slap me upside the head

aloofness inadmissible begetting offspring whose
needs and wants ******* selfishness, thus...
no deliberate intent to wreak havoc upon deux
daughters, the eldest bearing brunt of fallout
while agonizingly struggling - loathe to accept
mental, physical, spiritual deficiencies.
alternately titles: I got noose for you,
Yours truly doth garrotte tee
another itsy bitsy,
betsy wetsy easy breezy read.

oft times ('specially
these latter unsainted days and nights)
in white satin death
doth haunt me atheistic zeitgeist
which thoughts of my demise
crowds out purposeful thinking
in the twitching mind kampf
paradigm of this atheist
hence, he betook himself
to this MacBook Pro,
while swiss side dull ideations

for professional intercession, could not wait
asper affecting cathartic,
purgative, harmonic tête-à-tête
and providing a meaningful surrogate
to expunge morbid mental state
accessed Open Office
and let fingers
(of left hand) do talking heads
to an imaginary therapist
across this qwerty keyboard

allowing, enabling, and
at the quickest typing rate
striving to captcha dismal, gloomy,
and ill lust tree us
deplorable mood aye equate
with pitching into
a bottomless abyss where pate
fed ceaseless diet of NON GMO –
a last repast
the grim reaper did orchestrate

gluten free, an extra heavy dose
of monosodium glutamate,
which ingredient doth
BuzzFeed thine appetite
for total mortal exterminate
'thou no need n re:coe fermi to rush,
where angels fear
to tread, cuz but better Nate
than lever, the apothegm,
credo, ethos...Kate
(the caterer maintains

an open exit from life,
and cares only
that each soul doth feel elan,
joie de vivre, and psalm times
a leaping lemur chants, ecstatically finally
gustatory humming don't jubilate
for your final homecoming, or else
the mailer daemon lived
a devilish dervish life will instigate
de coup age d'etat, but such extreme

measure for measure heed doth hate
yet exceptions always made for a date
particularly when henchmen to die for
golden age opportunity
to ****** a generic guy a create
an underground soiree will cease,
when ashes master
of hell raising
unpleasant circumstances twill use as bait
let underground missionary be advocate.
Seventy Three Years Since 1945
(August 6 and 9 respectively)

Robert Oppenheimer manned
"The Manhattan Project",
a top secret World War II mission
which constituted "Little Boy" codename

for a uranium gun-type atomic
bomb dropped at 0815
exploding 580 metres above civilians
with15 kiloton blast yield reduced

400 year old city to dust
Colonel Paul Tibbets, the pilot/ bombardier
of the Enola Gay (the Boeing B-29 Superfortress
unleashing nuclear warfare
seventy three years ago today)

gives cause for this baby boomer to revisit
mentally, the annihilation,
extermination, incineration
the first of two storied Japanese enclaves

realizes how trifling my current bout
with mania paranoia, pneumonia
(from northern exposure)
contrasted with sinister malevolent

evil tower ushering
thermonuclear age epitomizing
coup de nada so graceful means
maximum military mutilation

though unwell, this inflammation poised
to be cured unlike subsequent
generations of victims
who survived atrocious, egregious, hellacious,

judicious slaughter can only
poorly be described
by this mortal with a curable
bacterial/viral infection

aghast at such wanton killing, moreso
via weapons of mass destruction
more devastatingly grisly than
those "experimental" bombs

loosed upon the innocent population,
whereby 75,000 people killed or fatally injured
with 65% of casualties nine years
of age and younger
whence offspring of survivors

evincing excess genetic anomalies
with fiery windy surface
temperatures topping 4,000C
upon terrain hallowed by ghastly
horrible deathly dominance
amidst shadow of a mushroom cloud.
Robert Oppenheimer manned
"The Manhattan Project", 
a top secret World War II mission                   
which constituted "Little Boy" codename
for a uranium gun-type
atomic bomb dropped at 0815

exploding 580 metres above civilians
with 15 kiloton blast yield
reduced 400 year old city to dust
Colonel Paul Tibbets,
the pilot/ bombardier
of the Enola Gay,

(the Boeing B-29 Superfortress
unleashing nuclear warfare
seventy years years ago today)
gives cause for this baby boomer to revisit
mentally, the annihilation,
extermination, incineration

the first of two storied Japanese enclaves
realizes how trifling my current bout
with mania paranoia, pneumonia
(from northern exposure)
contrasted with sinister
thermonuclear reaction

malevolent evil tower ushering
thermonuclear age epitomizing
coup de nada so graceful
means maximum military mutilation
though unwell, this inflammation poised
to be cured unlike subsequent generations of victims

who survived atrocious, egregious, hellacious,
judicious slaughter can only poorly be described
by this mortal with curable bacterial/viral infection
aghast at such wanton killing, more-so
via weapons of mass destruction
more devastatingly grisly

than those "experimental" bombs
loosed upon the innocent population,
whereby 75,000 people killed or fatally injured
with 65% of casualties nine years of age and younger
whence offspring of survivors
evincing excess genetic anomalies 

with fiery windy surface (think towering infernos)
temperatures topping 4,000°C 
upon terrain hallowed by ghastly
horrible deathly dominance
amidst shadow of sinister mushroom cloud
wickedly, ominously, and eerily looming.
Given the nuclear weaponry arsenal today
August 6th, 2022, our collective ability
to lay waste major metropolitan areas
would make unleashing atomic warfare
synonymous with the ways and means
to annihilate, decimate, eliminate, et cetera
avast swath of the biosphere, nevertheless...

Once again, I take momentary pause
to contemplate horrific event
regarding unleashed atomic warfare
activating nuclear brinkmanship,
hence time to trot out a poem
written initially some years ago
courtesy yours truly.

Robert Oppenheimer manned
"The Manhattan Project", 
a top secret World War II mission,                   
which constituted "Little Boy" codename
for a uranium gun-type
atomic bomb dropped at 0815
exploded 580 metres above civilians
with 15 kiloton blast yield
reduced 400 year old city to dust
Colonel Paul Tibbets,

the pilot/ bombardier
of the Enola Gay,
(the Boeing B-29 Superfortress
unleashed nuclear warfare
seventy seven years ago today)
gives cause for this baby boomer to revisit
mentally, the annihilation,
extermination, incineration, obliteration...
when the first of two storied Japanese enclaves
pulverized vividly underscores

how trifling my current bout
with dysthymia, hysteria, melancholia...  
(from figurative northern exposure
courtesy twin peaks)
contrasted with sinister
thermonuclear reaction
malevolent evil tower ushered
thermonuclear age epitomizing
coup d'état nada so graceful
spelled maximum radiation fallout,

viz collateral military mutilation
though unwelcome vision wielded hell,
instantaneous maelstrom poised
mankind to be cured, roasted, skewered
analogous as burnt offerings
subsequent generations of victims
who survived atrocious, egregious, hellacious,
judicious slaughter can only
poorly be described
by this mortal with curable

bacterial/viral infection
aghast at such wanton killing, more-so
via weapons of mass destruction
more devastatingly grisly
than those "experimental" bombs
loosed upon the innocent population,
whereby 75,000 people killed or fatally injured
with 65% of casualties
nine years of age and younger,
whence offspring of survivors

evinced excessive genetic anomalies 
with fiery windy surface
(think towering infernos)
temperatures topping 4,000°C 
upon terrain hallowed by ghastly
horrible deathly dominance
impressing silhouettes of victims
analogous to dark shadows
amidst razed structural remnants
ground zero birthed sinister mushroom cloud
wickedly, ominously, and eerily loomed.
Once again, I take momentary pause
to contemplate horrific event
regarding unleashing atomic warfare
activating nuclear brinkmanship,
hence time to trot out a poem
written initially some years ago
courtesy yours truly.

Robert Oppenheimer manned
"The Manhattan Project",
a top secret World War II mission                  
which constituted "Little Boy" codename
for a uranium gun-type
atomic bomb dropped at 0815

exploding 580 metres above civilians
with 15 kiloton blast yield
reduced 400 year old city to dust
Colonel Paul Tibbets,
the pilot/ bombardier
of the Enola Gay,

(the Boeing B-29 Superfortress
unleashing nuclear warfare
seventy six years ago today)
gives cause for this baby boomer to revisit
mentally, the annihilation,
extermination, incineration

the first of two storied Japanese enclaves
realizes how trifling my current bout
with mania paranoia, pneumonia
(from northern exposure)
contrasted with sinister
thermonuclear reaction

malevolent evil tower ushering
thermonuclear age epitomizing
coup de nada so graceful
means maximum military mutilation
though unwell, this inflammation poised
to be cured unlike subsequent
generations of victims

who survived atrocious, egregious, hellacious,
judicious slaughter can only poorly be described
by this mortal with curable bacterial/viral infection
aghast at such wanton killing, more-so
via weapons of mass destruction
more devastatingly grisly

than those "experimental" bombs
loosed upon the innocent population,
whereby 75,000 people killed or fatally injured
with 65% of casualties
nine years of age and younger
whence offspring of survivors
evincing excess genetic anomalies

with fiery windy surface (think towering infernos)
temperatures topping 4,000°C
upon terrain hallowed by ghastly
horrible deathly dominance
amidst shadow of sinister mushroom cloud
wickedly, ominously, and eerily looming.
Aye agreed
and did promise to pledge troth
faster than greased lightning airspeed
once the missus temporarily
ceased menarche regarding monthly bleed
became in family way with child

thee eldest, whom one day may breed
opting out begetting offspring
later versus schooner, I must concede
first born proactive with beau
raising one or more progeny
sprouting like loco crazyweed

hypothetical kin unschooled,
viz no particular
race, religion, creed...
cuz unlike das papa,
she carefully plots
being University of Penna degreed

shipshape smarts anchors ahoy mate
well seasoned life, yes indeed
unlike me ***** cocked,
limp bizkit primed to hawk kitty
then future spouse did not intercede
once peppy begged, connived,

dictated tug get freed
birth control neither I,
nor missus did heed
sowing wild oats courtesy yours truly
didst adeptly beg, burrow, knead
mini straw nee

testosterone totally tubular
lil trouser snake proceed
letting call of wild take lead
tube (steak king claim for fatherland)
heady after slurping boot legged mead
wharf four hide hid bungle exceed

ding whacking thru jungle of lady love
until...making head way
verboten fruit fricasseed
stifled unnatural prime mate years
pent up ****** urge, thus did supercede
pitched, hitched, ditched

libido in throes of monkish celibacy,
procreating analogous to filigreed
custom made jewel,
thence sore relief yours truly did need
at seminal moment ******* seed
with snoop doggy dogg speed

generating prickly heat
inducing ***** fied stampede
appetite for reproduction
essentially kitty feed
bubbling self cleaning oven
after getting ****** asthma gumweed

glommed, where male member
tiptoed thru tulips
playing biological equivalent
risque business "Russian roulette"
pregnancy eventually guaranteed.
Today (a rather brisk, chilly,
and otherwise sat
tiss factory twirly delightful
December 18th, 2018) matte
her of fact quite
refreshing noontime, while this fat

tend plot of Earthen surveyed terrain
situated over ****
herd modest suburban tract,
(actually yours truly some watt
urbanely sprawled out) at

Latitude: 40.2538 Longitude: 75.4590,
where I sit pat
and think to write
about some reading material flat
touring my "FAKE" status
as king of agitprop for chat

hurrying class gussied up with
artistically crafted rat
tilly done up snazzy
(approved by Willard), this expat
lapsed Peterson harried tailored script,
asper previous peculiar

swiftly styled idée fixe
literary unnecessary, rat
tickly ****** superfluity)
interspersed with dollops of splat
hard logophile, nonetheless gentle
on the eyes, yet feeling totally flat

and devoid of meaning, and quite
convincingly desperate idea this pratt
tilling far amore in the dell doth
expatiate, expound expressively, gnat
cheerily witty, (i.e. hint- please
pretend these humph fat

tickle lee meandering, rambling,
and warbling words) taxing
on mental faculty as bat
tan gruelling death march
physically, when circa
April 1942 Japanese forced

76,000 captured Filipinos,
and Americans Allied
soldiers to march about 80 miles across
Bataan Peninsula (province
in Philippines), where they died
enroute to...during World War II

on island of Luzon, espied
as a spiritual sanctuary hosted
by a knowledgeable tour guide
named Matthew Scott hood dons
genuine (musty smelling)
Tory wig to hide

as an alien alias (from the outer limits
of the twilight zone) incognito
even to himself, and especially the bride
of Frankenstein, who evinces a strong crush
toward said nondescript gentrified
vested gentry groundless thinker with pride

though, dirt poor (at least on the surface),
but deep down rich with
Schwenksville well watered
history harkening back to 1684,
when hoodwinked, jilted and lied

Lenni-Lenape Indians got fleeced
then taken for a ride
this land ceded to (stolen from) William Penn
nestled along the Perkiomen Creek.
Mother would patschke
early that day in the kitchen,
and recruit any guest, who
blindly ambled thru front door
suddenly trapped unwittingly
squarely (triangulated) into kitchen
forcibly impressed to help

set up buffet tables
and/or given carte blanche to prepare
some mysterious dish,
(a hodgepodge of ingredients),
that suffered no shortages of compliments
unfortunately could never be duplicated.

Guests harkened far and wide
word of mouth boastful rantings and ravings
superseded culinary Michelin Guides
to dole out seven stars,
which wordsworth meant "exceptional cuisine
promised hungry visitor
a special satisfactory journey."

"Time to eat" (usually bellowed courtesy father)
generated an orderly stampede to jostle in line
and commence maximizing capacity
testing sturdiness disposable plates could hold
scouting, shoe horning, staking...
place to become comfortably numb with satiation.

Amidst various and sundry masticating jaws
(with each respective mouthful
of food glorious food -
cue said Oliver Twist song title)
followed by draught of spirits
ejaculations of delight issued,
and punctuated the sound of silence

when not additionally interrupted
courtesy sibilant crackling
popping, and snapping
wood burning stove,
which aforementioned heat source
lulled well fed tummies
whereby heavy eyelids drooped
while heads sank into chest.

No matter hunger pangs quieted
evidenced by casserole, glass, pyrex...
scraped clean rumors heralding dessert
quickly awoke wine weary souls
analogous to sluggish animals

awakening out their hibernation,
when self anointed maître d'
showcased good n plenti desserts
(pies, ice cream, cookies and cakes galore)
she made house special
comprising secret ingredients.

Upon being stuffed to the hilt
(dear kith and kin mother
all counted as family
think taxidermist specimen
readied for mounting)
all pledged a unanimous
New year's resolution
vouchsafed to start on diet
come January first.
Lemme breathe smoke free air, okay
devoid of exhaust from swarm
(bajillion) enroute without delay
Santas Clauses gas guzzling
hybridized motorized sleigh,
coordinating global deliveries,

via GPS devices with weather proof inlay,
nor without the need to be caught unaware
fall out from skies foggy gray
regarding unexpected pellet size droppings
from reindeer unless docile
creatures made out of clay,

on second thought maybe,
I best remain indoors,
and secretly lay
in wait for fictitious busy
body, and yell "HAY,"
whose charitable larding

out gifts all the way
around the webbed wide world
purportedly all done for no pay,
gives me reason (with rhyme) to pause,
and be a bit suspicious eh,
cuz there must be some

legally tendered way
hmm...maybe exploitation or unfair
labor laws he doth not betray
heavy set fellow oft
times donning spectacles—tortoiseshell gray
cuffs, white-fur-cuffed red trousers,

or skivvies flying over Bombay
wearing a red coat housing
undoubtedly sweating away
bullets with white fur collar,
now bulletproof in case
he gets trapped in an alleyway,

a red hat with white fur,
and pistol tucked away
black leather belt and boots hide say
animal rights and sweat shop
protesters deem unethical today

so many trappings scream UPDATE
maybe there's apps that
zap from North Pole assay
ying at light speed into electronically
woven into trademark suits made in Uruguay
by natives originally from

Banda Aceh (pronounced as "H" "A")
to completing stitching outfits
in the event oven neigh
unexpected tsu nam may
as tends to happen unpredictably
this time of year wreaking havoc
leaving islanders homeless, dazed and astray.
The art of the
     "FAKE" deal (according
     to Walt Dizzy Take a Knee Sing
     Matt Tilde) once again
as oft iterated in previous poems,
     doth (soup pearly, theoretically,
    and wantonly) appertain
to anyone (abstractedly, essentially,

     and loosely translated), aye ascertain
ptomaine anyone can attain
     driving a hard bargain,
(sans basement prices)
     utilizing her/his birdbrain,
(which might be about the size
     of a child size chill blain -
mebbe acquired during

     weather beaten life
     at sea as boatswain),
nonetheless for results,
     one best ought
     be without a brain
even if promoted as Captain Cain
Guru, cuz to become
     star apprentice,

     one must master
     trumpeting as a certain
Don Casanova Chieftain
     stealing the vote if necessary
     and freely distribute *******
(as an ****** of the masses)
     to silence anyone
     that might complain,

thus sets the
     figurative stage to contain
any potentially mutinous threat
     (against sought after bounty)
also necessitates practicing
     nepotism assigning coxswain
to an immediate family member
     with a skull full

     bone if eyed crackbrain
and when upon
     wheeling and dealing
     i.e. thee metaphorical curtain
call - pull out
     all stops to detain
vendor even exhibiting
     faux ("FAKE) disdain

for deplorable basket weavers
     iterated by domain holder
ye wish to acquire
     sought after envied goodies,
     oh...and do
     everything to drain
the patience of he/she who
     controls coveted *****

calling for trotting
     out "Stormy
Daniels" to entertain
and continue ploy long after
     hated yuge, bigly, stupid losers
winning morons with

     zero wind blown naturally
     "FAKE" orange blond
     wind blown hairm,
which constant induces
     onlookers with eyestrain.
Anguish hid within sinister orthodox crosshairs
   wherein target to wreak psychic havoc without means to escape the crushingly feted incisors as if mauled by an unseen yak
this emotional state impaled between the maws of pincers –

   no exit except being squeezed to the maximum point
   of non-existence into the black
whence once corporeal complex
   fleshy edifice becomes slurry akin to shellac
or railroaded outcome no better nor worse

than being tied as a fast approaching train on track
a most offal emotional state,
   where the nursery rhyme of jilted jack
Childs’ play when inevitable doom and
    gloom one cannot hack

free – and options to secure safe
   and Soundgarden place to live doth lack
plenitude duet to penury,
   and subsidized housing a pipe dream
   asper surviving time of warfare

   between Iran and Iraq
but the lo…a crack
of hopefulness dawn most unexpectedly
   when this day-tripper hove ah slacker found salvation
   just in the nick of time
   when renting lease about ran out – back
twas cause to ******* alas and alack…
----------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------
when tandem forces nearly coaxed self-destruction
   from coke kin conspirator ******
   ready to ambush and take aim
ensconced clattering red bull pawing the earth

   with a fury of a madman playing the Glockenspiel
   opportune moment to unleash fury n laid claim
thwarting salvation from psyche teetering
   on the brink of abysmal hopelessness to exclaim,

where suicidal ideations on par with Russian roulette
   ransoming life sans permanently deadly game
hellacious tongues of the underworld
   hungering to inflame

kept at bay from divine intervention vis a vis a cool
   out of the blue downy
   faux heavenly transgender angel Jame
me Dutton, appeared as thee bottled Genii,

   with limbs temporarily lame
being hermetically sealed gingerly
   placed upon tarp of lam may,
   a lifelike emoji emoticon meme
bur of a secret society of LGBTQ
   brotherly sorority sisters,

   which angel joined the coterie
   of Good Samaritan name
   outwitting any stealthy fleet of foot Equus
casually, earnestly and modestly suited
   to boost civic, and emphatic and
   graphic curses of doom to tame.
For the king hath arisen
nsync with royal couture
     decked out and bedizened
to the nines resplendent blindingly,

     I telly you to envision
colorful dress exploding,
     qua gaudy flashy
     gold flecked fission,

this quotidian get
     up courtesy commoners
     copious colossal co-gent
coffers, stoking inquisition

condemning criminals
     (predominantly crude
     crepuscular Cro-
     Magnon like creatures)

     amidst a ******
     sea of crimson
     and clover, where within usurped
     hinterlands, there flourishes

     enslavement jurisdiction
     hard (heart sell) earned manumission
thru sworn fealty to attend
     ***** nilly, and

     pamper ruling powers,
sans whimsical nocturnal necessitation,
especially ****** horns
     dill agent allegiance,

     asper unquestioned prurient qualification
eventually (meaning soul posthumously,
     quintessentially, and
     subsequently) acquiring redemption,

plus bridging the gulf
     between life and death,
viz longed for unification
as penultimate non plus

     ultra holy communion
despite disparate, distinct,
     and diverse denomination
afterlife automatically bespeaks,

     concedes, and decrees equalization
erasing mortal edicts
     against fraternization,
whereat atheist and/or orthodox

     religious attain graduation
figuratively hewing eternal
     (fashioning noteworthy Gabriel)
     angelic exhaltation heavenly melodies
     exhorting glorious habituation.
though he played only a cameo role
helping me secure corrective eyewear I sport

mucho gratitude to all parties involved
including the missus,
cuz she needed to shuttle me
to and from hither and yon,
wherever I needed to go,
cuz entire bill paid
(including thorough examinations and lenses -
the frames repurposed

from one used many moons ago)
courtesy AETNA Medicare Advantra
in tandem with superb
ocular optometrist Doctor Paul Halpern,
that would be an unpaid for plug
touting outstanding kickass knowhow
insync with his offbeat good humor
without making a spectacle of himself.

Many insightful revolutionary breakthroughs
linkedin to gamut of intelligent people,
whose exhaustive mental,
physical and spiritual efforts
witnessed visually impaired
(shortsightedness affected wordsmith
since he entered second grade
at Eagleville Elementary School
circa approximately mid nineteen sixties)
and anticipated him being called
mildly derogatory name four eyes,
thus withheld donning glasses
at the expense of lackluster marks

for that half year, cuz parents moved
to 324 Level Road
initially R(oute) D(elivery)
until Donald Neilson
(if memory serves me
more correctly than spelling
of his surname, and "The Idler Wheel
Is Wiser Than the Driver of the *****
and Whipping Cords Will Serve You
More Than Ropes Will Ever Do" by Fiona Apple),
and yesterday November 12th, 2024
happily, proudly, and zealously wears glasses
to see the webbed wide world crystal clear.

Post cataract surgery,
about couple months
after consultation  at Kremer Eye Center
and finally came to figurative juncture
whereat (drum roll please...)
prescription adjusted eyeglasses
now sit squarely on my button nose -
as long as I hold them there with a finger
until cosmetic surgeon affixes a bump
on the bridge of said nose

analogous to the song titled
I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
(courtesy Johnny Nash,
who raked in quite a bit of cash)
to drive our 2020 Hyundai Elantra
after dark shadows slink and slither
along the edge of night
encompassing an ever widening berth,
where the outer limits
meld with swathes of the twilight zone.
After extorting pound of flesh
lifetime humiliation drummed into captives
hammering indelible nightmare
no amount of therapy can expunge.

Lifetime trauma inflicted perpetrators wage
dead bodies littered makeshift triage
death and destruction
exhibit super fresh killing fields,
where sally forth set pathmark
to abominable gut wrenching
ghastly hollow hellscape.

Haunting horrid macabre scenes assault,
batter, clobber, et cetera the senses
death construed as mutual
(of Omaha) collateral damage
fallout populated by zone of dead bodies
littering apocalyptic landscape
rendering spooky morbidly fascinating,
especially from safe vantage point
bajillion miles away
whereby yours truly
hunched over his Macbook Pro laptop

glanced the headlines without further delay
aid convoys moving into Gaza Strip
a tepid hip hip hooray
impossible mission for
overactive imagination of artist
or writer to capture bedlam and melee,
scaring up heavenly sight
for grim reaper soirée
repository for skull and crossbones
as arid (extra dry) winds hasten desiccation
whistling repartee (even from afar)
faintly resembling mourning of Zalay.

Countless hungry ill clad masses beg
the question regarding
purposefulness of mortal kombat
screaming in agony against cutthroat
belligerents who gleefully gloat
laying waste besieging
ship of state and emergency lifeboat
senselessly bombing spelling
likelihood for peace on earth remote
silencing the lambs and yellowthroat!

Methinks spouting protestation
against loosed strife,
courtesy demoniac **** sapiens
where talking heads strategize foo fighters
pointless exhalation of breath
sabotaging, shortchanging, siccing,
squashing, subjecting, et cetera
innocent bystanders ultimately hastening them/
they to untimely and unfair nasty,
shortish and brutal death
linkedin to personal choice of deity
and attendant religious shibboleth.
(warning ungapatchka language ahead)
regarding following lines courtesy the missus,
who adventitiously, inadvertently, unknowingly
allowed, enabled and provided inspiration I
attest Frau Harris inspired me as she lies abed.

Flush with rage the spouse will become allied
if reference made how she buzzfeeds disorder
altercation especially likely if divorce blurted
making me wish to experience (immediately)
bartered bride, when mine pointed finger doth
nonverbally chide markedly appalling untidy
predilection she blithely exhibits woeful scant
interest to maintain can-do spirit affecting plea

zing aesthetic humble abode ofttimes slacking
off cleaning trail of abomination, which talent
includes unwittingly cultivating qua primordial
soup possibly duplicating conditions when life
originated (bajillion years ago) on planet Earth
witnessed courtesy think gummy, groovy, gooey,
gloppy, (nippy, nap, noopy) protoplasmic slimy
oozing blob (starring Steve McQueen) amoeba

like swallowing small towns with names such as
Chester Springs, Downingtown, Phoenixville,
& Royersford hungering, hinting, and hankering
to hasten home hearing Harris harridan hooligan
hoopla conniption purportedly linked into order
issued courtesy board of health for hen pecking
wife to hustle & make house beautiful for Biden
(accompanied with hit parade) announcing (yea)

at long last Republican administration overhaul
which fête yours truly slated to host determined
(weeks ago), thus necessitating legally wedded
counterpart to apply elbow grease in tandem to
render **** & span where unsightly food scraps,
soiled clothes, scattered papers, et cetera strewn
helter skelter, the disarray the culmination of 5+
years occupying these digs in Schwenksville, Pa.

Upon being told "get the place in ship shape order"
she went ballistic like bupkis fired out me gluteus
maximus, (whereat I couldn't help but think ICBM)
yea, an incongruous thought as she rattled vitriolic,
colorful expletives coarse language enough would
make sailor blush shutting his yapper uttering before
he even uttered "shiver me timbers," hence clatter
and din created cacophonous noise as my fair lady

affected one woman siege warfare as pots and pans
flew pell mell thru air while I took refuge in fallout
shelter unused since total mortal kombat destroyed
major swath of webbed wide world, global debacle
our dear leader triggered (when in pensive mood) he
lobbed weapons of mass destruction after being axed
to "go back home" meaning his mother planet Uranus.
(warning ungapatchka language ahead)

Hence plead ding for
Mary Poppins wannabe
with snap of her fingers
can affect ship shape
tidiness, which task
needed before May 2022
when yearly inspection
indeed takes place.

Flush with rage the spouse
will become allied
if reference made
how she buzzfeeds disorder
altercation especially likely
if divorce blurted
making me wish
to experience (immediately)
bartered bride, when mine
pointed finger doth
nonverbally chide
markedly appalling untidy
predilection she blithely
exhibits woeful scant
interest to maintain
can-do spirit affecting plea

zing aesthetic humble abode
ofttimes slacking
off cleaning trail
of abomination, which talent
includes unwittingly cultivating
qua primordial
soup possibly
duplicating conditions when life
originated (bajillion years ago)
on planet Earth
witnessed courtesy think
gummy, groovy, gooey,
gloppy, (nippy, nap, noopy)
protoplasmic slimy
oozing blob (starring
Steve McQueen) amoeba

like swallowing small towns
with names such as
Chester Springs, Downingtown,
Phoenixville, & Royersford
hungering, hinting, and hankering
to hasten home hearing
Harris harridan hooligan
hoopla conniption purportedly
linked into order
issued courtesy board of health
for hen pecking
wife to hustle &
make house beautiful for Biden
(accompanied with hit parade)
announcing (yea)

at long last Republican
administration overhaul
which fête yours truly slated
to host determined
(weeks ago), thus
necessitating legally wedded
counterpart to apply
elbow grease in tandem
to render **** & span
where unsightly food scraps,
soiled clothes, scattered papers,
et cetera strewn
helter skelter, the disarray
the culmination of 4+
years occupying these digs
in Schwenksville, Pa.

Upon being told
"get the place in ship shape order"
she went ballistic like bupkis
fired out me gluteus
maximus, (whereat
I couldn't help but think ICBM)
yea, an incongruous thought
as she rattled vitriolic,
colorful expletives
coarse language enough would
make sailor blush
shutting his yapper uttering before
he even uttered
"shiver me timbers," hence clatter
and din created cacophonous
noise as my fair lady

affected one woman
siege warfare as pots and pans
flew pell mell thru air
while I took refuge in fallout
shelter unused since
total mortal kombat destroyed
major swath of webbed
wide world, global debacle
our dear leader triggered
(when in pensive mood) he
lobbed weapons of
mass destruction after being axed
to "go back home" meaning
his mother planet Uranus.
(warning ungapatchka language ahead)

Flush with rage the spouse will become allied
if reference made how she buzzfeeds disorder
altercation especially likely if divorce blurted
making me wish to experience (immediately)
bartered bride, when mine pointed finger doth
nonverbally chide markedly appalling untidy
predilection she blithely exhibits woeful scant
interest to maintain can-do spirit affecting plea

zing aesthetic humble abode ofttimes slacking
off cleaning trail of abomination, which talent
includes unwittingly cultivating qua primordial
soup possibly duplicating conditions when life
originated (bajillion years ago) on planet Earth
witnessed courtesy think gummy, groovy, gooey,
gloppy, (nippy, nap, noopy) protoplasmic slimy
oozing blob (starring Steve McQueen) amoeba

like swallowing small towns with names such as
Chester Springs, Downingtown, Phoenixville,
& Royersford hungering, hinting, and hankering
to hasten home hearing Harris harridan hooligan
hoopla conniption purportedly linked into order
issued courtesy board of health for hen pecking
wife to hustle & make house beautiful for Biden
(accompanied with hit parade) announcing (yea)

at long last Republican administration overhaul
which fête yours truly slated to host determined
(weeks ago), thus necessitating legally wedded
counterpart to apply elbow grease in tandem to
render **** & span where unsightly food scraps,
soiled clothes, scattered papers, et cetera strewn
helter skelter, the disarray the culmination of 4+
years occupying these digs in Schwenksville, Pa.

Upon being told "get the place in ship shape order"
she went ballistic like bupkis fired out me gluteus
maximus, (whereat I couldn't help but think ICBM)
yea, an incongruous thought as she rattled vitriolic,
colorful expletives coarse language enough would
make sailor blush shutting his yapper uttering before
he even uttered "shiver me timbers," hence clatter
and din created cacophonous noise as my fair lady

affected one woman siege warfare as pots and pans
flew pell mell thru air while I took refuge in fallout
shelter unused since total mortal kombat destroyed
major swath of webbed wide world, global debacle
our dear leader triggered (when in pensive mood) he
lobbed weapons of mass destruction after being axed
to "go back home" meaning his mother planet Uranus.
(warning ungapatchka language ahead)
regarding following lines courtesy the missus,
who adventitiously, inadvertently, unknowingly
allowed, enabled and provided inspiration I
attest Frau Harris inspired me as she lies abed.

Flush with rage the spouse will become allied
if reference made how she buzzfeeds disorder
altercation especially likely if divorce blurted
making me wish to experience (immediately)
bartered bride, when mine pointed finger doth
nonverbally chide markedly appalling untidy
predilection she blithely exhibits woeful scant
interest to maintain can-do spirit affecting plea

zing aesthetic humble abode ofttimes slacking
off cleaning trail of abomination, which talent
includes unwittingly cultivating qua primordial
soup possibly duplicating conditions when life
originated (bajillion years ago) on planet Earth
witnessed courtesy think gummy, groovy, gooey,
gloppy, (nippy, nap, noopy) protoplasmic slimy
oozing blob (starring Steve McQueen) amoeba

like swallowing small towns with names such as
Chester Springs, Downingtown, Phoenixville,
& Royersford hungering, hinting, and hankering
to hasten home hearing Harris harridan hooligan
hoopla conniption purportedly linked into order
issued courtesy board of health for hen pecking
wife to hustle & make house beautiful for Biden
(accompanied with hit parade) announcing (yea)

at long last Republican administration overhaul
which fête yours truly slated to host determined
(weeks ago), thus necessitating legally wedded
counterpart to apply elbow grease in tandem to
render **** & span where unsightly food scraps,
soiled clothes, scattered papers, et cetera strewn
helter skelter, the disarray the culmination of 6+
years occupying these digs in Schwenksville, Pa.

The refrigerator declared Superfund unsightly eye
sore what appear as numerous science experiments
gone awry, some former edible morsel encapsulated
with coating of mold adjacent to vessels housing
liquids hinting of genesis courtesy primordial soup.

Upon being told "get the place in ship shape order"
she went ballistic like bupkis fired out me gluteus
maximus, (whereat I couldn't help but think ICBM)
yea, an incongruous thought as she rattled vitriolic,
colorful expletives coarse language enough would
make sailor blush shutting his yapper uttering before
he even uttered "shiver me timbers," hence clatter
and din created cacophonous noise as my fair lady

affected one woman siege warfare as pots and pans
flew pell mell thru air while I took refuge in fallout
shelter unused since total mortal kombat destroyed
major swath of webbed wide world, global debacle
our dear leader triggered (when in pensive mood) he
lobbed weapons of mass destruction after being axed
to "go back home" meaning his mother planet Uranus.
but for some unknown reason
more tired than usual...,
without daily twenty four hours
proper rest, I feel haggard.

I strongly suspect (a hunch acquired
upon returning home
after visiting Notre Dame)
deep sleep interruptions...
attributed to uncontrollable need:
tap a kidney, micturate, spend a penny
(thee last mentioned British, informal)...
quite displeasing... yea urinate kidding.

Methinks perhaps to purchase adult diapers
(or fashion/repurpose water absorbent material)
in an effort to stave off awakening groggily
after experiencing an awesome dream, cuz
REM (rapid eye movement cycle) interference

courtesy natural function versus external
noise, which when slumbering both equally
affect bringing about onset of fatigue,
yet herewith yours truly intent to hone in
on former.

Meanwhile, he hoops to entertain thee dear
anonymous reader with the following poem
posthumously dashed off while falsely
believing himself to transition into afterlife

So sit back and kick up dem heels
without falling on yar crown
and/or bare stocking feet
and/or if ye prefer by all means lie down
attempting moost impossible mission

to flip (i.e. reverse) any lurking frown
other than standing on head whereby gown
and/or other stitch of clothing (casual wear)
preparatory to embarking on scheduled hoedown,
perchance participating among other groupies

(a gratefully deadset of fervent beastie boys
and goo goo dolls) join fracas intown
where martial law heightened surveillance
police able, ready and willing with Billy clubs
to crack then scramble noggins, and knockdown

civilly disobedient citizens in dire straits
politely courtesy coronavirus
(COVID-19) lockdown,
which heavily truncated livingsocial options
inextricably linkedin with societal meltdown

psychological fallout endemic among Caucasian
or hue men/women talking heads of natural nutbrown
persuasion, which madding crowd (think Woodstock)
where little upstate New York town
of Bethel hmm became quickly overgrown

with peaceable folks across gamut
regarding age, nationality, race, religion...,
rendered superfluous strong arm of law to putdown
and/or quell any anarchistic uprising
(perhaps even top brass
military industrial complex)

incognito as... beetle browed brothers
of some contraband slated to perform
and eventually gain world wide webbed renown
donating their unexpected proceeds
to upgrade and gentrify

one after another shantytown
even boosting fame and (mis)fortune
of Matthew Scott Harris
at long last, he could relocate
out his tumbledown abode to parts unknown.
(yes, that would be the snoozing missus,
hook lames to need mooch beauty sleep),
hence who might not arise for bajillion years.

Thou me noggin forced to remember
how me heart used to ache
asper in no help
to relieve anticipatory anxiety
doth suddenly find this

(24/7 day tripper sleeper) wide awake,
now mine dearest beloved,
ye need not break
these lovely bones remembering,
if yaw completed lix piddle orbitz

axing age iz fatalistic rhetorical question,
finding yours truly escorted to lake
chock full of fierce
allidiles or crocogators,
now worm eye gonna

get the most perfect Earth friendly cake,
rather than dastardly duck
that husbandly role i.e. man drake,
thus what better way
this stormy July sixth, 2019

to express moony times,
aye did pastimes forsake
feigning, pretending, trumpeting
loving thee tubby "FAKE,"
now...haim twice the man
I used tubby - formerly rake

hush long haired pencil necked geek
though in face of adversity still meek,
yet every now and again
rare instances flashes peek
a boo analogous to happy

go lucky boyhood doth sneak
out from down underground
self long suppressed
many times multiplied
by 52 times 7 days a week,

thus by gosh by golly
fingers quickly tap dance
akin to celebrating holly
day hootin n hollerin like jolly
roger, who pirated some loot

unlike captives feeling melancholy,
or akin to ******* offered
than immediately retracted from Polly
nonetheless, she might suggest some idea
worth parroting, thus I lob and volley

poetic pitch to thee anonymous reader
unbeknownst to me if got pie in the sky idea
how to appease wife, one costly human feeder
who gobbles everything in her wake
not affixed down with mortise
and tenon made of cedar.
Nary a clue exists about
     the relationship between
relative quantities of substances
     taking part in a clean
(non GMO contaminated)
     gluten free reaction,
     or forming a mean
compound, typically a ratio

     of whole integers umpteen
place holders long proudly,
     (albeit microscopically)
     swaggering analogous
     to a prideful
     home coming queen
walking with her beau
     appearing much older looking

     than a latte (drinking) teen,
the third word up above, (affright
full looking, isle
     lid lashing sorely,
     trying, torquing, and
     testing vision, i.e. eye sight),
where with insight
red left to right

across conventionally,
     sans persons write
ting, and/or read
     ding English, who might
live within neck of the woods,
     how zing this knight,
where the whirled wide webbing
     haint so bright

this smart aleck (comprised
     fancy title), excite
ting immediate uptight
reaction came to "light"
just in the nick of time
     to spur a sprite
lee chary reader to take
     pro nouns hubble flight

(at what the ĵ** -
     in reference quite
understandably to multi
     syllable chemical airtight
romance masquerade),
     this barred bard did write

unfamiliar word, which undoubtedly
     triggered consternation,
     and fierce urge to bite
and/ or sentence this "FAKE" cur,
     who **** unable to height
ten interest toward me senseless
     poetics with supreme delight.
Just between myself,
     and cosmic force
     this good fella agreed
to dedicate, postulate,
     validate, et cetera,
     what virtue thine parents fostered,
     (like a beach house child),
     sans within this sole son

     they did breed
allowing, enabling, and providing
     nonestablishmentarian
     beliefs, dogma and/or creed
dance clearwater revival,
and oft times did
     substantiate ethical paradigm
     with convincing deed

this keen awareness,
     (viz 20/20 hindsight)
     awoke of late
     (maybe last half dozen years)
     where family members of origin,
(NOT tubby confused
     with Oregon) did exceed
asper basic concerns

     dealing with a warm
     hearth and home freed
the requisite responsibility
     of me to support (or try)
     Matthew Scott Harris, where greed
(yes, this truth must
     be bluntly admittedly stated,
     no matter adult

     responsibilities shirked)
     yours truly flagrantly
     did not heed
and thus at this near
     three decade orbitz
     sol hymn lee cycled
     round the sun indeed
a sincere pursuit spurs this

     expressed objective keyed
via this 2009 MacBook
     Pro Laptop lead
ding me towards pro active
     game bit (gambit)
     under_scoring NO need
nor ulterior, interior, or exterior
     hidden agenda,

     and matter of fact
     accepting (NO MONEY
    down or up), no
     Apr, May, June...
     (absolutely) nothing,
     within whatever capacity,

     I (mutter hoof act)
     help at reo speed
wagon dog gone Mutt and Jeff,
     and if nothing materials
     aye thank ye taking time
     to peruse this wacky ****
(for reed dull.)
Here at Highland Manor apartments
me and the missus occupy room B44
courtesy qualified medical personnel
Lansdale, Penna CVS store #01379.

No qualm regarding being vaccinated
though yours truly NOT panic stricken
succumbing to aforementioned disease.

Although gaseous and prone to combust
heed words of caution lest ye turn to dust
on par with thermonuclear explosion gust
no guarantee insured courtesy Healthtrust
will keep ye intact not transformed into krust
an unflattering word according to online urban
dictionary meaning extremely unattractive girl
who nevertheless experiences capacity to lust.

Scenario being blown to bits courtesy flatulence
fate worse than death, yet plus side no expense
neither funeral nor cremation costs nevertheless
gastrointestinal eruption necessitates civil defense
albeit calling Army National Guard to commence
to evacuate fast as greased lightning suffocating
wracking, choking, etc unbreathable ambience.

I get inoculated against microscopic coronavirus
approximately two days ye probably feel desirous.

Continue to take proactive measures i.e. maintain
social distance don mask and wash hands advice
solicited by Anthony Fauci else cavalier devil may
care risk analogous to gambling or playing dice
whereby rigor mortis sets latest statistic cold as ice
who knows maybe dead soul shunted to paradise.

Latest pandemic NOT last microbe human beast
will challenge resourceful **** sapiens species
severely challenged throughout and nearly ceased
to flourish innumerable times when deadly disease
did satiate grim reaper with (think smörgåsbord feast)
civilization experienced figurative low water mark
bleak prognostication if prediction made when least
odds favored man/womankind who nearly lost leased.

Biologically deft transmitting genes by peopling Earth
fecund gals bearing children heavy around their girth
metaphorically chomping at the bit tending domestic
tasks preparing meals call of wild heard by animals
drawing fierce predators e'er closer aromatic hearth
rustic storytellers grunting primal laughter and mirth.

Gratitude extended to intelligent minds that toil away
enhancing quality and longevity of existence keeping
ravages of once fatal illnesses and/or mortality at bay
additionally those whose culinary draw allow, enable
and provide foods choices regarding healthy entree
sculpted edible delights exquisite glistening imitation
mouth watering sweet treats that trigger viz Fabergé
temptations tantalizing taste buds - me diet... no way!
within hinterlands of
Perkiomen Valley Pennsylvania
occurred January 6th promptly at noon.

****** whiteness blankets terrestrial realm
bajillion snowflakes tumble out of sky
atavistic fascination awakened
agog at ice crystals stinging each eye
while I strike open mouthed stance
relishing tasting frozen water molecules.

No matter yours truly witnessed
countless winter wonderlands
since completing lxiv orbitz round the sun,
the first major seasonal substantial accumulation
excites the little boy inside me.

Additionally, I feel truly humbled and enamored
when Mother Nature
singly and/or nsync with old man winter,
whether she (former)
looses propensity to wreak havoc
(think climatological, geological,
meteorological, et cetera phenomena)
or latter trumpets weather,
whereby landscape magically transformed
into blinding brilliance,
I tip hat to personification of winter
and fondly think back
remembering '96 storm of the century.

At that time January 1996
me and the missus timesharing
seven nights and six days holed up
along Shawnee on the Delaware
(a honeymoon gift courtesy my parents)
spending disproportionate amount of time
frolicking under warm blankets
ardently, fervently, naturally...
both of us experiencing
devilish, feverish, impish,
loutish (more so me)... concupiscence
striving to beget offspring, yet unsuccessful
conceiving Blizzard Baby.

Now far beyond prime procreative age,
(though I wistfully envisage
begetting another progeny -
simultaneously stretching credulity
to breaking point)
all things considered
exhaustion would peter out
after capitulation of divining rod
necessitating lifetime to recoup energy.

Bound within figurative four walls
of Schwenksville, Pennsylvania domicile
courtesy appreciable snowfall,
I direct energy crafting poem.

Yours truly will actually
refrain comestibles despite feeling hungry -
lest metabolism to digest food
decreases potential alertness,
and full belly finds me
ready able and willing
to doze immediately into deep slumber.

Hungry stomach in tandem
with eventful weather
sends surge of giddiness
coursing thru body electric
crackling, popping, and snapping
(while O Captain! My Captain!)
came to witty man (me) suddenly
enervating with poignant pregnant expectancy
papa pondering his empty nest syndrome
analogously attempting to offset void

coaxing reasonable rhyme into existence
unsure how literary endeavor
(mine) will thrive
amidst well suited
panoply of prolific writers,
whose unseen fingers
hop lightly and gracefully
across qwerty computer keyboard
akin to heavy armed soldiers
with fearlessness and deliberation
heading off to war to acquire poetic license.

Meanwhile chafed knuckles
of one garden variety primate
previously scraping knuckles along tundra
in mock imitation of forebears
(methinks I espy frozen Mastodon)
before said twenty first century caveman
learned to stand *****
endeavors to strike letter combinations
eliciting, facilitating, and generating
enticing curb appeal.
(breaking free of writer's block)

Asper this instance,
     when a dearth of ideas
     like a charred bait oven
    finds me looking Bach
at drawing board and/or the clock
as if inspiration
     can be found teasing out
     whimsical child like spontaneity

     recalling hickory dickory dock
rather than exacerbate
     mental paralysis, akin
to an invisible vice grip,
     which tension eventually
     far worse than bill
lee esse ness, which former
     grips with irony my chin,

I try release sing restraint and chill,
ready to whip out power drill
not surprised finding sawdust,
viz of course after numbing skull
     sticking head in deep freeze
     or mounting temple
     on dry ice, without
     receiving nary a cavil

lack of creative noggin fill
intense concentration
     invariably heats up "thinker"
     as if being scalded
     on a barbecue grill
(which fixed attention),
     never ever engenders
     positive flow of ideas,

     but absolutely ideal
     for reducing a mole hill
from a mountain
     nonetheless within ma mind,
     before long prolonged
     cessation to brain
     storm induces ill
humor succumbing into

     torturous mental state
(fall of the cider
     house rules usher),
     non poe whet
     tick dark age,
     whar ah felt jill
ted loom min hated
     with panic ready to ****...

mice elf (Stuart Little),
     cuz dem lil
cerebral cogs and wheels
     malfunction for more'n a mill
yen times prompting
     to scout graveyards
     for fresh corpse, and
     if results rendered nill

jet over to Doctor Frankenstein,
     even if aye gotta
     hightail to Trans sill
vein ya, unless....
     perhaps ye kind reader twill
donate yar viable gray matter tummy
     (right after ya die) denny ya will
almost be im mort till!
Most of my iv + Lix spittle existence
found me figuratively
(primarily academically, emotionally,
psychologically, sexually, socially...) adrift,
and malfunctioning blinker
analogous to a boat
without courtesy picture
an appalling Cap'n Ahab
ankh caws away!

aimlessly bobbing - treading water
analogous to drowning sailor akin
to a besotted drinker
just out of rest to be
rescued by Mister Rinker

sea ming lee without
any hook, line and sinker
despite being gifted with
an above average thinker
from without, where two
myopic ocular
orbs did winker.

All thru academia
just barely passing grades
metaphorically suffered from anemia,
and at my nadir,
thy prepubescent psyche
plummeted lovely bones
into grave state,

sans anorexia minus bulimia
mental health also linkedin
shot thru through with
healthy dose of dysthymia
cap (tinned em man hint mettle)
kept awake with insomnia
peppering cerebral
cortex with monomania
buzzfeeding earthlinked somnambulant

zombified condition
with a burning
desire toward pyromania
(nearly burned down the house
at 324 Level Road)
nsync with unmanageable
raging (red dee
and bull lush) testosterone
spawning satyromania

the above particularly
accentuated, and cresting
with accursed triskaidekaphobia
most agonizing, when
orbitz around Earth
accompanied by 756 full moons)
demarcated ten plus three
on a Friday the thirteenth,
according to Gregorian Calendar,

hence death be not proud
(originally titled
a fourteen-line poem,
or sonnet, by English poet
John Donne, one leading figure
in the metaphysical poets group
of seventeenth-century English literature)

sought after utopia
pleading, longing, and hooping
if I Willoughby
able to sprinkle
cremated ashes across Xenia.
Though psyche sundered and cleft,
sans like Earth bereft of moon
with wrack and ruin
please don't ask how I am doin,
especially after natural automotive
wear and tear
found anguish brew'n,
no matter yours truly know win,

there haint no benefit in getting
fit tubby tied emotional state strewn,
yet quite impossible to shuck off,
NOT being affected aghast by loon
nut tick raging
(like an angry red bull)
growing foreboding, looming
large, and grow'n like...June

shadows of late afternoon
madly - swelling the
inside of my head
like a hot air balloon
until...my noggin
feels ready to explode
aside from such lacerating
peace of mind, I reck ****

this chap feels great and aware,
perhaps the silver lining
extant within bare
lee able to cheer
hip...hip...hip hooray,
an unconquerable drear
re: heaviness weighs
down clapping e'er

ambition to relish pickle
yar welcoming more'n a fair
weather friend, though
tis natural inclination to gear
us sin muss
elf within hermetically
sealed within hare
sized rabbit hole, a lair

only large enough
for me, though um...mare
reed man, I don't
want anybody near
just a treasure trove of
multi denominational prayer
books, no matter not
exceptionally religious

just maybe...a rare
salvation (reed deliverance as
lucky sweepstakes winner)
delivered by some
body named Alistair
relieving torturous vice grip tear
ring inside mine wear
re: soul perhaps...for a year.
Being A Nonpartisan Author

One path of literary renown striving
     to craft belles lettres
     versus another aim
ming to inject castigation,

     fulmination, and intimidation
     (unlike tours truly) into
     hers/his epistemological dogmatic claim,
would exemplify the twofold tactic,

     I matter of factly exclaim
as an aspiring August author
     (foremost poet emeritus - ha),
     downplaying fortune and fame

     aye attempt to tread within
     figurative noncontroversial guidelines,
     yet nonetheless game
increased readership remaining

     safely shy of steering
     clear away NOT deliberately inflame
ming the moral majority, and/or
     being soak halled politically incorrect,

yet absolutely aware trite neutral,
     tis well nigh impossible
     towing thru tranquil waters
     subsequently inadvertently pitching

     smoldering embers sparking acquiring
     (even accidentally)
     fiery Machiavellian jobname
though methinks expressing

     notions, opinions, perspectives,
     would contradict advocating viewpoints
     incumbent within
     creative arts whereat lame

duck role would essentially be
     antithetical to general rubric maim
ming necessity to stoke thought
     provoking oeuvre of work name
lee poetry and/or prose sans,

     this scrivener to (dirt) poor
     to afford a penname
aspiring all the same
to experience even pocket change
     keeping my liberal
     minded material tame.
I revisit rather than write from scratch
a poem crafted May twenty third
two thousand and twenty
since the following words apropos
and amply serve a duplicate purpose
of aforementioned title,
when yours truly enlisted
(before any consideration
arose to object
threading shower rings
thru scissor made cuts)
of makeshift shower curtain -

actually repurposed invisibility cloak
then yesterday March 24th, 2024,
therefore husbandly duty
found me swallowing
my pride and prejudice
with sense and sensibility
suffering permanent anatomical
disfigurement, nonetheless
maintaining marital bliss
at steep price despite more or less
musculoskeletal dislocation,
I eagerly, readily willingly confess.

Ideal for someone whose height
trends toward above average
unless you don't object tilting
head back in an effort to gauge
keeping noggin cocked
at ninety degree angle tempering rage.

Yours truly gifted with absolute zero
vertical advantage, hence
mine neck craned back imposing
unpleasant strain forcing gent's
head apropos regarding yours truly
futile attempt present instance.

Carotid arteries perfectly positioned
awaiting Jack Ripper's (imposter) knife
thus mine noodle (property
Matthew Scott) induced physical strife
discomfort courtesy directly
linkedin viz the ole hen pecking wife.

Without complaint, I dutifully accepted
challenge to affix curtain
(essentially meant to keep
shower water splashing bathroom floor)
unbeknownst that threading
a camel thru eye of needle sewing pin

Would be a cinch, but such
blessed lesson acquired thru hindsight
initial task assigned me appeared
straight forward until I saw light
bulbs blind me myopic orbs,
thus in addition to afore stated plight...

Husband material (me) sorely
tested to the max, no matter chore
hardly commenced, which
spurred mental note to refrain pointing
at cumulative mold accretion
heavily visible and unsightly eye sore.

Arch disadvantage, yours truly
not being impressive or particularly tall
and thought not to retrieve sturdy
furniture to boost reach heavenly pole
which plastic hooks suspended
plastic shower curtain over long haul.

Upon figuring out how drape like
appurtenance got held in place crick
would necessitate chiropractor
to realign permanently bent poise kick
started when initially troubleshooting
deceptively easy task, no quick

assignment, though obviously
fashioning plastic hook thru pre cut slot
became clear at expense unintentionally
breaking off "J" portion not
possible to avoid subsequently
uselessly rendered hook even if robot
programmed to complete mission,
yet all told poetically smarts & moxie I got.

Please accept lame attempt (minus
obvious sensibility) to comprehend
anybody who reads previous literary
endeavors considered virtual friend
unconditionally accepts trademark

swiftly tailored harried style I extend
utilizing all manner of quirkiness,
which moost likely spells mein legend
after I pass from temporal plain,
a posthumous johnny come lately bend

ding formalities of English language
writing, yet wondering what strictures
disallow experimenting with poetic genre,
though methinks literature intend
did (art in general) to eternally evolve

without deliberate intention to offend
any die hard who might call upon
men in white suits and briskly recommend
to the funny farm, where life made
more beautiful perchance receiving stipend.
Suffering permanent anatomical
disfigurement, nonetheless
maintaining marital bliss
at steep price despite more or less
musculoskeletal dislocation,
I eagerly, readily willingly confess.

Ideal for someone whose height
trends toward above average
unless you don't object tilting
head back in an effort to gauge
keeping noggin cocked
at ninety degree angle tempering rage.

Yours truly gifted with absolute zero
vertical advantage, hence
mine neck craned back imposing
unpleasant strain forcing gent's
head apropos regarding yours truly
futile attempt present instance.

Carotid arteries perfectly positioned
awaiting Jack Ripper's (imposter) knife
thus mine noodle (property
Matthew Scott) induced physical strife
discomfort courtesy directly
linkedin viz the ole hen pecking wife.

Without complaint, I dutifully accepted
challenge to affix curtain
(essentially meant to keep
shower water splashing bathroom floor)
unbeknownst that threading
a camel thru eye of needle sewing pin

Would be a cinch, but such
blessed lesson acquired thru hindsight
initial task assigned me appeared
straight forward until I saw light
bulbs blind me myopic orbs,
thus in addition to afore stated plight...

Husband material (me) sorely
tested to the max, no matter chore
hardly commenced, which
spurred mental note to refrain pointing
at cumulative mold accretion
heavily visible and unsightly eye sore.

Arch disadvantage, yours truly
not being impressive or particularly tall
and thought not to retrieve sturdy
furniture to boost reach heavenly pole
which plastic hooks suspended
plastic shower curtain over long haul.

Upon figuring out how drape like
appurtenance got held in place crick
would necessitate chiropractor
to realign permanently bent poise kick
started when initially troubleshooting
deceptively easy task, no quick

assignment, though obviously
fashioning plastic hook thru pre cut slot
became clear at expense unintentionally
breaking off "J" portion not
possible to avoid subsequently
uselessly rendered hook even if robot
programmed to complete mission,
yet all told poetically smarts I got.

Please accept lame attempt (minus
obvious sensibility) to comprehend
anybody who reads previous literary
endeavors considered virtual friend
unconditionally accepts trademark

swiftly tailored harried style I extend
utilizing all manner of quirkiness,
which moost likely spells mein legend
after I pass from temporal plain,
a posthumous johnny come lately bend

ding formalities of English language
writing, yet wondering what strictures
disallow experimenting with poetic genre,
though methinks literature intend
did (art in general) to eternally evolve

without deliberate intention to offend
any die hard who might call upon
men in white suits and briskly recommend
to the funny farm, where life made
more beautiful perchance receiving stipend.
(twas where aye met thee missus, but mooch as a natural euphoria experienced, i rarely returned to said venue, especially for many years when thy now na grown lovely lasses merely toddlers).
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Go ahead and AskJeeves (or another available partner yea, that lonely looking gal or guy in mom genes), who can never refuse to kick up heals in this rollicking shenanigan – the rumor holds that said activity the most fun one can have with being clothed to another.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The caller will usually do a walk thru, which begins with the first two couples closest to the stage crew of lively musicians (frequently filling the makeshift hall with music aligned the genre of irish jigs and reels) beginning to pair off.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After couples one and two (nearest the band) complete their quartet, this process (sans participants coupling off) continues until the foot of the line.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Actually each duo of dancers within the foursome nearest or furthest from the podium dons the role of “first and second” couple respectively.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The walk thru can be helpful, especially for those unfamiliar with this social activity, which encroaches on the ordinary comfort zones because eye contact plus physical hand to hand fusion necessary.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Many of the routines utilize various combinations of approximately a couple dozen unique moves, where each distinct extemporaneously choreographed fancy footwork utilizes a unique variation of such movements.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The most frequent array of moves comprises the following terms, which I located at hyperlink - www.theyken.net/don/PDF/Glossary.pdf
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Glossary of Contra Dance Figures:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Allemande Left - Two dancers join left hands about shoulder height with elbows bent down and walk a circular path.
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Allemande, Mirror - Two couples, facing, starting with one couple going between the other couple. Give the person you are starting to pass your most convenient hand, right for two dancers and left for the other two, and turn as described in the allemande right and left.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Allemande Right - Two dancers join right hands about shoulder height with elbows bent down and walk a circular path.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Balance – The simplest balance is a step forward and backs. Another type of balance is a step on your right foot and swing your left foot over your right foot and then step on your left foot and swing your right foot over your left foot.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Balance and Swing - Face other dancer, take both hands, balance (as above) and swing the other dancer.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Baskets - More that two dancers, step in so all the dancers are in a very tight circle, place your hands behind the backs of the dancers next to you and join hands. Put your right foot in closer to the center of the circle and start to turn this basket by pushing with your left foot (like in a buzz step swing).
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Box the Gnat - Partners (usually) join right hands, raise joined hands above the woman’s head, she walks under the joined hands, as the man walks around behind her. The dancers not only change positions but they end facing in the opposite direction.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Cast Down – The dancer faces up and turns away from the center of the set and walks down the outside of the set.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Cast Off, Assisted - Two dancers, facing the same direction, put an arm around the other dancers waist, one dancer moves forward while the other dancer moves backwards.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Cast Off, Unassisted - One dancer, usually moving up the center or up the outside of the set, walks around an other dancer until they stand next to that dance facing the same direction.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Cast Up – The dancer faces down and turns away from the center of the set and walks up the outside of the set.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Circle Left – More than two dancers join hands and form a circle. Hands are joined at a height somewhere between you waist and shoulders. Dancers walk around in a circle to the left or counter- clockwise.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Circle Right – More than two dancers join hands and form a circle. Hands are joined at a height somewhere between you waist and shoulders. Dancers walk around in a circle to the right or clockwise.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Contra Corners - This figure is done in proper sets. The first couple turns each other by the right hand until they can turn their first corner, The person who was standing on the left side of your partner. The first couple then turns their first corners by the left hand, until they see the partners. The first couple again turn each other by the right hand and then turn their second corners, the person who was standing on the right side of your partner, by the left hand.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Courtesy Turn – Two dancers with right hands joined and left hands joined, about waist height, facing the same direction, woman on the man’s right. The woman walks forward while the man backs-up until they are facing the opposite direction.
Cross-Over or Pass Thru – Two-dancer walk by each other passing right shoulders.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Cross-Over is usually across the set. While Pass Thru is usually up and down the set.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Do-Si-Do – Two dancers walk forward pass each other right shoulders, pass behind the other dancer, and backup, passing left shoulders into the place where you started.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Do-Si-Do, Left Shoulder (also known as a See Saw) - Two dancers walk forward pass each other left shoulders, pass behind the other dancer, and backup, passing right shoulders into the place where you started.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Do-Si-Do, Mirror - Two couples, facing, starting with one couple going between the other couple. Then dance a do-si-do, the two dancers who pass right shoulders dancing right shoulder do-si-do the other two dancers who pass left shoulders dance a left shoulder do-si-do.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Down the Center, Turn Alone – Two dancers, usually a couple, walk down the center of the set, turn toward each other and return to the place where they started.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Down the Center, Turn As a Couple – Two dancers, usually a couple, walk down the center of the set.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Turn as a couple, the woman walks forward as the man backs up, until the couple is facing back in the direction they came from. Then return to a place across the set from where they started.
Figure of Eight – Two consecutive Half Figures of Eight (see below)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Forward and Back – Dancers join hands with the dancer next to them and move forward four steps and back four steps.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Gate and Post - Two dancers facing in the same direction, join most convenient hands, right to left, keep hands about shoulder height, one dancer will walk forward in a circular path as the other dancer walks backward in a circular path.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Grand Chain - Three or more woman, make a right hand star, and turn the star until you meet the third (or designated) man, join left hands with the man and courtesy turn.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Grand Right and Left - Two dancers, join right hands, pull by and give left hands to the next dancer, pull by, and continue this until you meet the person you are told to meet or until the caller tells you to stop. Can be used in squares, contras, and circles.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Gypsy - a couple, walk once around each other, clockwise, and end where they started while looking wistfully into each others ' eyes.
Half Figure of Eight – Two dancers across from each other, in a contra, cross over while moving through the couple below (or above), the woman in the lead, they then cast up (down) to end in their partners original place.
Hey for Four – Two couples, facing, usually starting with the women moving to the center and passing right, then pass the opposite man who is moving forward by the left, the two men pass right in the center while the two women do a small loop to the left to face in, again the women pass right in the center as men do a small loop to the left to face in, women pass the men by the left, men pass right in the center and all return to original place.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Honor - Bow to your partner.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Improper – In a contra, when a man is in the women’s line and/or a woman is in the Mens' line. The women’s line is the line on the left when viewed from the caller’s position.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ladies Chain – Two couples facing, the women join right hands and pull by each other, then give their left hands to the opposite man, finishing with a courtesy turn to face the other couple.
Lead Through - Two dancers facing in the same direction, join most convenient hands, right to left, and walk between the two dancers they are facing. Often followed by a cast to original place.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Pass Thru - Two couples facing, both couples walk forward, passing the person you are facing by the right shoulder and ending in their place (do not turn around).
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Promenade – A couple, with the man’s right arm around the woman’s waist and her right hand in his right hand, and left hands joined in front of them, move in a forward direction, sometimes ending with a courtesy turn.
Promenade, Single File - All of the dancers in a single file or circle, facing the same direction, follow the dancer in front of you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Proper – In a contra, the men are in the mens' line and the woman are in the women’s line. The mens line is the line on the right when viewed from the caller’s position
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Right and Left – Two couples, take right hands with the person across the set and pull by, on the opposite side of the set courtesy turn the person next to you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Roll Away - A couple, both facing in the same direction, woman’s left hand in the man’s right hand, the man assists the woman, who rolls across in front of him, as he moves to his right. They both end facing the same direction as they started but they are in each others' place
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Star, Left Hand – Two couples, take left hands with the person diagonally across, then they all walk forward in a circular path.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Star, Right Hand – Two couples, take right hands with the person diagonally across, then they all walk forward in a circular path.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Swing – A couple, in a position similar to ballroom position, except the man and woman are right hip to right hip. The simplest descriptions I have heard is assume the above position and then try to walk behind your partner. The dancers can use a simple walking step or a buzz step.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Turn - See allemande for right and left hand turn. A two hand turn - two dancers, facing, take the other dancers right hand in your left and their left hand in your right. Pull back slightly and both dancers walk clockwise until you get back to where you started.
courtesy hurling mandarin oranges.

Yes quite juvenile
unladylike childlike behaviour,
mine wife oft times doth display,
I do not deplore

yours truly reckons
tis futile effort causing furore
aye attest bull
in china shop incorrigible *******
exhibited by spouse

out of bounds antics bon jour
earlier within marriage
shenanigans twas the stuff
back in the day
sparking altercations, haint no lore

regarding wedded bliss
muddle aged doozy storied
married couple expressing
mutual love nevermore

did deux disparate
birds of a feather flock together
espousing total mortal kombat
(with looming fruity weapon
of mass destruction

living below poverty dirt poor
surviving (barely) hand to mouth
unable to afford
top of line high grade

clean atomic bombs rapport
re: ruining our reputation
as hoity toity main liners
portraying child's play
conflicts in East/West Timor

almost annihilating each other
i.e. zee Harris family
plus well nigh turning
planet Earth into vapour.

Sober realization of brinksmanship
brought now auld
geezers (defanged & harmless)
flinging foodstuffs cold

and/or frozen leftovers
(carbon dated), petrified extolled
as delicacy among Neanderthals,
who would value and

cherish fruit lobbed as
love's labour's lost more precious
(as a physical expression of affection)
more so than fine spun gold
thee rented man cave serves

atavistic trait hard rock cafe
functions as pleasant reminder,
where one percent genetic
stock originated (think noggin
rock hard iron maiden mold).

Backtrack to years spanning 2000-2010
wen furious red hot poker rage
twas unmanageable when living
under duress within Penn Valley

even tranquilizers could not assuage
harkening back when yours truly
under threat courtesy battle ax
and her henchwomen,

which matriarch took immediate dislike,
née rabid (foaming
at the mouth loathing)
towards yours truly

them days outright state
of undeclared warfare
found fury within me
exceeding the wrath of Kong!

Thank dog, I mellowed since then
gratuity prescription medication.
Murderously Skewered, And Torturously Zapped

Directv linkedin to accentuate
piddly money crisis, tis zen uneasy fate,
I imagine dragons gyrate
ting, and licking chops, faux masticate
ting, no matter I didst pre
     mutt chew lee *******
prickly desperate pleas against inflate
ting trumpeting rogues tummies

     begetting bulging abdominal oblate
spheroids at my mortal expense,
     whereat your truly poor brother
     got swallowed as chunky
     raw bits inside bellies of mountebanks,
     not too long after
     can nub (red) bulls didst terminate
ma vital essence, a veritable goulash

     each and every one,
     a heart less *****
     grinder - dee liver ring,
     a once dashing husband
     digestively enzymatically transformed,
     perhaps crudely became
     ***** material reincarnate,
though I not gratefully dead

     didst mischievously clog their loo,
     I could not a void the pressurized expulsion,
     which (courtesy Uranus) propulsive
     ****** didst force
     gassy guests needed to evacuate,
in water closet, and/or inducing indigestible
     morsels (acid barely scorched)
     body parts, nevertheless distressed

     indiscriminate chow hounds,
     who got no recourse boot to regurgitate
byproducts vaguely resembling mine
involuntarily twitching features
     foo fighting beastie boys,
     who will then hibernate
for a bitterly cold dark winter,

     despite gala feast mass soul palate lee,
     sprung supper eyes reveling
     causing ******* acid reflux,
     and thence relishing if thyself
     for die:re ah postprandial
     (Montezuma payback never to late),
     who did deign to dine on thyself
     as some kind of delicacy

afternoon, and/or evening
     dining tete a tete
with me re: being served as edible fete
on Matthew Scott Harris of late,
who didst mildly agitate
against being cannibalized
     as human bait,
     nonetheless this non bird'n sum

     potential a parrot tiff
     saw siege fingers drubbing on flat surface
     indicative, sans non
     verbal cues create
ting, where halloween
     tricked out wolfish
     bill collectors must wait
for anemic zero

     sum gamely checking
     account tubby bolstered
(neither fat, nor slim chance
     till November social security
     direct deposit twill satiate
     bone dry aforementioned
     Citizens checking account)
     to calm anguished cerebral template

     after experiencing, suffer
ring, and undergoing
     a quickened depletion rate
mainly still reeling from
     five hundred dollar plus
     automobile repair from
     August tooth house sand eight,
teen, whereat a shock absorber

     didst comprise bulk of total,
     and thus that chunk of money,
     doth presently eek quate
reeling from seer sucker
     (Jew dee shuss) punch
     tummy checking account

     hovering vacuuming thoughts
     of cheesy Swiss side
     dell ideation, permeate
     an otherwise mellow numb skull,
     (and crossed bones)
     psychological state,
     and aye kin count to ate.
I aver, an auspicious dark shadow(s) will zoom
as if birthed, sans starry eyed nebulous debris
across infinite fantastic space/time catacomb
constituting whirled wide web ringing Gaia's in utero
fallopian youtube from out cosmic podcast womb

closing gap 'twixt outer limits galactic blob
(traveling at hair reed greased lightspeed varoom
ming before twilight zone) as death spurt humanity
descends into black hole sun, sans linkedin kickstarting
permanent grim outlook, a buyer's market vudu boom

adrip oozing quasi ICE C, one trumpeting coxcomb
oblivious, asper whatsapp pining at edge of night,
whereby majority, viz remaining earthlings doth roam
tentatively ensconced in their "FAKE" Taj Mahal tomb,
awaiting rescue attempting, while lined against mushroom

supernova like explosion, each body just another brick
in human wall, where bribery paid to Johnny on the spot
if need arises to use gender neutral unisex restroom
unaware, while remains of day regarding third rock
from sun help at doggone woof lee warp speed loom

ming thru strung out dimensions, on par as (empire)
in final ******* decadent bacchanalian, foredoom,
when afar off (countless light years away), gloom
me salvation will soon be visited upon tattered tribes
prints in shining armoire constitutes developing

picture postcard poem, despite global darkroom
just like in the comix, an unassuming lgbtq migrant
rescues bedraggled human league more like village
people comprising bad company,
war ring MAGA Zion will resume!
(jokes all in jest)

Hard to believe, I orange in a lee
started life as barely visible speck!

Just in the course of healthy growing
season, this former minute nearly
microscopic entity developed into
quite pleasing nose cone herbivorous

specimen, though modesty restrains
me to rattle off an excess of adjectives
to describe fine physique of this
munch able mealy mouthed morsel.

Though my existence the epitome of
any ordinary carrot, the natural and
man-made dangers got drilled into my
cortex from the moment sprouts spring
from that black kin décor fleck.

Matter of fact, the bunch of family
members frequently primed and trained
in case creature with row of sharp
front teeth seeks fancy feast

These practice drills catapulted me,
(and others in same graduating class)
to cope with what crops up out of
deeply grounded growing
sense of false security.

Although just equipped with only
circular reddish trunk, and lack
extra limbs to apply defensive
maneuvers, the techniques taught
to us at prestigious carrot league

school focused on artfully crafty
movements, sans wriggling deeper
below topsoil in an attempt to thwart
thumping hindquarters of one
or group of rabbits.

Now tis wise those once cute bunnies
heed thy advice RUN RABBIT RUN!

Ever since firmly anchored in the earth
via number silvery tendrils as young
whipper snapper, me dad constantly
forewarned me to be on the lookout

and take every measure to avoid the
likes of Bugs Bunny, Kit Carson,
Peter Cottontail, and their motley posse
of voracious appetites for destruction.

At prime of full-blown young adulthood,
and essentially as grown prized well-rooted
stew pen dis crème of the crop nose cone
(built superbly shaft like), a promising
adulthood awaited me.

Unbeknownst to farmer Boyce Harris,
this outsize conical vegetable would
sprout into quite handsome inviting
healthy snack.

A thatch of tousled mop top red matted
hair exemplify carrot teen years.
So…hear me and listen up, ye hares who
house a harem of hungry herbivores.

Ye aint gettin to sink yaw choppers into
me crunchy grate ‘C’ pulp and chamber
that secretes savory sweet celluloid.
I yam not stew ped!

Over a goblet of fire me deathly hallowed
juice will pots sub lee only grudgingly relent.

Defense against the well red orange arts
prepare this protean plant to avoid pursuits
that whet an overly active appetite for
suffering like fate of late mister potato head.

At all costs, an orthodox upbringing instilled
herculean efforts to steer clear of radical stirring
raw bits, which subversive underground posse
frequently met short, nasty and brutish outcome.

Many accounts repeated detail brutish slave labor
that often comprise 1. faux nose as ideal abutment
to hold up bifocals for an aging frosty the snowman
or  2. never volunteer myself in role of that metes
outcome of scarecrow or strawman.

These innocent furry creatures possess two sharp
front teeth wreak havoc and rent asunder and turned
many loving defenseless Daucus carota into pet
trill like liquefied car rot.
This long time doodling Yankee 
(who calls Southeastern Montgomery, Pennsylvania LV
plus III four seasons visited 
upon swath of topography to see
and hear flora and fauna over run 
via industrialization he doth experience pity
sympathy, humanity deafening cacophony undermining 
once abundant bounty, which mutiny 
upon bounty outwits mother nature
in this REAL LIFE “GAME” of jeopardy 
where survival of the fattest dominates avast geography
thence a tempest in a global teapot doth brew
which phenomena Gaia foments,
inducing meteorologists due
tee fully issuing catastrophic fallout
asper category 5 carved foo
tang clan along Gulf Coast 
reserving special vengeance (alas domino effect) 
for oil derricks hue mans insatiably drill into 
ever more difficult to access reservoirs sans fossil fuels, but Jew
blintz echoes across watery expanse when excavator loo
king for liquid gold hit a mother lode
(or off shoot) exciting new
man hick pumps furiously fracking gnome hatter 
watching grim faced absent magic spells such as phew 
fi foe...aghast at the rapacious, pernicious, malicious....rue
th less ness heaped upon Planet Earth, 
where tipping point 
re: specifically **** Sapiens over population will true
lee interrogate meteorological altercations, conflagrations, and
exterminations of multitudinous
botanical and animal genus or species 
as wrath of monster storms akin to a oceanic brigand
wreaking loss of life and limb, additionally bringing destruction 
as megadeath metal lick ha - monstrous maelstrom 
mercilessly muscles itself when making land
fall, where record rainfall submerges
once smug Texans man
dated to evacuate far from the pan
demon harum-scarum as retribution
for incessant lambasting wan
ton ness exploiting terrestrial resources selfishly that will eventually ban
hush the dominant primate requisitioned to become extinct – anon

miss lee as voluntarism spontaneously spawned and spun off from Biblical deluge
strangers reaching out to rescue folks unbeknownst to them without a wince
forever prompting that age old question asper why do person only evince
good Sammaritism during disasters proof  
mortal camaraderie, defensiveness, from giving, generating 
kudzu offshoots providing salutary assistance doth convince.
humanity amidst adversity.
Preface preceding promiscuous philandering peccadillos
undermining energy and time not spent with missus
and mother of our precious progeny,
whereby, yours truly sought, (somewhat assertively, modestly,
and zestfully) to elicit – illicit prurient heterosexual predilections
before dark shadow of guilt crept along edge of consciousness
straining outer limits of twilight erogenous zone and now cringe
when perusing, reading, traversing... outdated ****** emails
I wrote, a random example plucked out among vile archives.

Herewith his highness presents today May 13th, 2021 ----->
written... dog knows how many years ago.

Husband feebly tried to smite (figuratively)...
appetite appeasing verboten fruit

Hence with spring coiling the aire
meant frisky moist tender vittles everywhere.

For better or worse,
she ne'er done gone spoilt amorousness
when the siren of Aphrodite did call
thy wife encrypted an algorithm
within ethereal realm of cyberspace
and figuratively seer sucker punched
smack dab, where spite spilt a fall
hen opportunity when electronic
flickering hinted juiced the merest trace
lock, stock and barrel prospect

gunned down married chap – with gall
struck up report with veritable gal
whose convened via website Topface
a heavy sensation arose within
pit of mine stomach akin to a bowling ball
which sinking spate found me
to curse the fickle finger of fate – to brace
myself against forgoing what felt
like puppy love, thus pet a file did maul
invisibly with thwack of disappointment

toward a young gal I did NOT chase
whose repeated texting after
this many salient idiosyncrasies out kraal
and if further progression
between myself and this veritable unseen face
there would be hell to pay,
cuz this husband fell prey
to illicit liaisons deux in all
that thee missus when discovered
threatened to annihilate amazing grace

this papa attests toward his two –
then near grown – now independent
darling daughters prone to drawl
out and/or hiss icy critiques,
and if successful spouse
would get both girls to place
their doting papa on par with
lowliest life forms,
or mold thick on a damp wall
adrip with guilty regretful ramifications
per consummated infidelities,

which transpired in an attempt to erase
unyielding turmoil from love's labor lost
regarding remembrance of things past – a pall
cast a dark shadow since
severe prepubescent paroxysm o’er abysmal place
where this then stripling of slight boy
still wracked by a self generated squall
a ferocious tempest etched indelibly
analogous to ode on a Grecian vase,
whence loss of untested interpersonal

sea legs in a bygone existence I did stall
now clamors vociferously treading
with boots on mien kampf ground for lace
of psychotic arsenic to be expunged that didst wall
my natural adolescent self
to gather rose buds, where pestilential mace
undermined essential sexuality ego boost,
and contrariwise cast upon atoll
a self crafted rocky Robben Island shoal,
until dying day no peace at home base.
(tongue in cheek
by this moldering geek.)

Thy marriage doth incurably ail,
even strangers would vouchsafe
     (with nary any cavil),
     and perhaps even avail
herself (sight unseen),
     with a moderate chance
     zee spouse might bewail
this bread crumb

     winner, chauffeur,
     bill payer latching
     on to mine tattered coattail
in an effort to
     sustain this misery loves
     company wedded
     harrowed distress,
     where future prospect

     appears dim (sum) mutt
     unlikely to curtail or halt
     this (mine button nose to the
     grind stone) pennilessness
     only promises inevitable derail
ment, since grow
     wing unflattering pessimism
     only harkens more (spiraling

     down rabbit hole re: abysmal)
     substantial hardship
     (possibly even homelessness),
     asper my remaining lifetime
     woeful struggle - as sigh exhale
before figuring out what to write
     for these ensuing
     lines, yet strongly anticipating zero

     lucky search for a female,
if this mister didst
     decouple from his caboose -
     whereat Abby Robin (the missus)
     will holler "VAMOOSE"
     as an opportunity to exit
     clear and present danger field
pinning optimism for a gal,

     who exhibits ambition,
     earns her own income
     (or per slim or fat chance
     might be independently wealthy),
     plus bing hearty and hale,
this chap communicates
     no outlandish fanciful
     general electric sponsored idea,

     which elaborate or general sketch
     for some ideal counterpart
     might immediately impale
any likelihood on
     a figurative crucifixion
hmm...maybe turning
     to a life of crime,
     and befriending a foul mouthed,

     heavily pierced, and
     tattooed in jail
professing pseudonymous party privy
     to access Swiss Bank accounts
     own much moolah - kale
as said in the narco
     world wide webbed trade,
     thus such laundered legal tender,

     would clearly evince
     natural "green thumb" talent
     in tandem with sharp (as a hawk)
     business acumen spiriting over
     financially choppy waters
     as doth a lugsail
with this aging
     baby boomer male

he generally steers
     toward straight and true
     analogous to an ace
     carpenter blindly hammering
     the head of a nail

pounding out frustration unsure
     if asking price over-scale
regarding negligible
     demand for preowned,
     housebroken, and domesticated fellow,
     whose demeanor pastorale.
This misanthrope lived
     most all his life alone,
yet upon awakening
     this very early morn,
     mine eyes saw me prone
naked body adrip atop
     blood soaked sheets,
     that glommed to mine

     lacerated flesh and shone
deep red as moonlight seeped
     thru ***** in the stone wall,
     nothing else stirred
     'cept myself abed,
     but sinew and bone
suddenly alarmed
     what demon slashed

     into red ribbons,
     whence fright suddenly,
     I choked, gasped,
     and loosed a groan
upon e'en the slightest movement
     found me to moan
with excruciating pain,
     while in thine head

     did sinister demon fueled,
     a wounded pained animal groan
maniacal cackling gradually
     increasing to an ear piercing,
     hounding and deafening tone,
whence hands attempted
     to clap away
     evil frightful shrill

     ne'er heard nor known
afore this nightmarish scene
capped when nine inch nails
     caked with thick
     dried blood shown
in the dim light affixed
     to monster sized brown
paws not my own,

yet latched to this
     gruesome near slain
     (****** heap of mine)
     ogre haunted nemesis over blown
     sanity, and frightfully unknown

as like an accursed beast
     methought hie got catapulted
     to the outer limits
     of the twilight zone.
caricature sketch of person best known to yours truly

What began as an honest
to goodness attempt
to craft personal truthful profile
evolved into a fictional poem
manifested into the following.

Despite the onslaught of paparazzi,
I (an eccentric kindhearted sexagenarian -
born January xiii, mcmlix
at The Christ Hospital
within Mount Auburn, Ohio)
instantaneously shied, blinked away
from the spot (klieg) lights,
and avoided crowdsource
most of my iv and lx orbitz

round the earth mainly on account
of being gifted with introvertedness
somewhat minimized by bottle fed
powder milk then subsequently
licking, gnawing (actually gumming),
and chomping on biscuits,
which magical and top secret ingredients
(heavily guarded courtesy

Norwegian bachelor farmers)
gave this once painfully shy person
indomitable, formidable,
and creditable courage
to face fearful fixes
such as getting up out of bed
first thing in the morning
and crafting a poem..

Posthumous fame and fortune
will launch then rocket
one veritable unknown
aspiring, inspiring, outgoing
and unflagging wordsmith
(legend in his own mind)
unwittingly slated to shunt
next of kin into the pantheon
of storied poets even feeble attempts

at his mediocre reasonable rhymes
feebly attempting to communicate
a not so stellar existence punctuating
(while dragon coccygeal tailbone pronounced
along the boulevard of broken dreams),
a battle of life waged
against being trumpeted
as some freak of nature
(a controversial incontrovertible

standard compact prodigal son)
birthed courtesy éminence grise
famous prolific father,
who begat him -
unnamed de jure heir
to the family fortune/empire -
longevity of libido potion,
when said parent a centenarian
far beyond (where's the beef)
viz chronological virility age

severely testing scant minority,
when seething hormonal fluid
loosed into chamber of secretes
(think fecund female) and pushing
biological envelope in situ regarding
outer limits when males can still procreate
versus majority doddering, hobbling,
and lobbying along lovely bones,
when their get up and go got up and went
into those twilight zone of years.

Invariably many an older gent
sought to lay claim as doppelgänger
of humble fellow, whose countless progeny
incorporated a zip code unto themselves,
and for an unnamed dollar figure
(one comprising many zeros and commas)
small dollop would be sold to highest bidder.

Meanwhile, or until
that futuristic manifest destiny
I currently sequester myself within
cupboard workspace
within one bedroom man cave
labeled b44 as flickering candlelight
casts dark shadows across the outer limits
of the twilight zone
soon to silently pronounce
the figurative curtain call

on another mundane day,
no different than previous,
nor promising variation
on a theme of ennui
(self quarantine against 10000 maniacs)
following twenty four hour time frame
witnessed by mine feeble scratchings
across the rocky surface doing double duty
as crude table and writing surface
since yours truly lacks
for paper pencil or electronic device.

Lack of formal education
found me forced to teach yours truly
reading, writing, and arithmetic
while I hibernate until the conclusion
of total mortal kombat
allows, enables, and provides me
chance close encounters of the third kind
ideally to be fruitful and multiply
amidst dystopian landscape.
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