Familiar streets are not like a walk in the rain
Strangers don’t recall why I did it
But nature remembers without being asked
What happened was so long ago
But the sun and the moon are so very young
Because I told them I only trust children
Everything that is good lives in the wild
There is nothing for us to see but life
We feed them and water the things we love
I want you because I knew you once
It’s as if you stepped out of a dream
Who can I love if they never saw me sleep?
What I hear are the things we never talk about
What is calling are the sounds we try so hard know
Rain bouncing on dry streets are words for lovers
You are what I know but the mystery remains
It’s because you are only real to me as a shadow
You must live this way because indecision blocks the light

I cannot speak the light
The light that speaks to all cultures
Except the language of love
Of their loneliness
And fear
Their insecure nature
Because we all know how it ends
But I cannot make them love their enemies
I can’t make them care about your children
Or care about anything I care about

I
Can't
Make
Them

Because it is that they worship something sight unseen

So what it is
Can we ever know?
Except what our minds need it to be
For us
For our people
But I cannot know
If the light that guided you
Also guided your conquerors
I cannot explain how not to avenge your son
Or how to forgive the cause
Of the diaspora
I cannot explain to someone else why your anger is just
Or why their anger is not just to you
I cannot tell you that God favors you
And not him

There are so many nails for me remove
Maybe it’s better to fight than be apart
Happiness
Peace
Tranquility
Only moments in time
And yet we continue to believe we are blessed
By God
Given
His fruits
Born
In his image
{emotion or my face?}
Worthy
Of his mercy
But not you
But not me
Only we
Whoever we are
It had to be us

We are the chosen people
This land is ours
We buried our dead here
Thousands of years ago
It is ours

Graves are not meant for cliff diving
Or day trading
They are only food for our sadness
And we must protect them
No matter how many layers exist
Between our fathers
And the fathers of the soil far beneath us
Where only evolution and faith know the truth
Where only history lies dormant
Wondering
If a shovel and the light from another world will ever arrive

I need a sign
I live a double life
Whatever you say
I will disagree
The spoken word
Even dignified perception
Is heard in the comfort of our needs
Some things are best sung in the dark
When weird wired sounds freely float unimpeded
By a truth fabricated in a childhood of awe
Justified and rationalized for fear of discovery
Where is my sign?
Yesterday I accepted Christ
By morning I bid him fond farewell
Wondering if I would thus live in vain
Impaled by my fearless worship of scientific facts
Discovered by others and insisted upon
You know what you know
I don’t know what you know
You want me to believe what you know
When what you know is not knowing at all
But certainty built slowly as one sand block after another
With one eye on the rain clouds
And the other on me
Your mission
Neither reached or repulsed
Merely confused
Flip flopping like a fish on the dock
Or a girl who won’t sit still after I loved her
What conviction can I offer you?
Other than to say
Don’t ask me

I'm not better without you
I can handle myself
But I need a few stones to walk on
And a garden to sit and slow down

I'm good at doing my own thing
Sometimes I stare so hard
It jerks my mind
Like a car wreck when I wasn't looking

Standing on a piece of wood
High up on the side of a tree
You don't want to come down
But so much is happening on the ground

It's not a crisis
It's just so much selfish discovery
I think about you constantly
It's just that I can't find the opening

I never did see it coming
It was as if she had no mother or father
Like dew that only lives in the morning
Or the tears she tried to deny
Our life together never felt like water rushing

I never did know you were leaving
It was as if I had no future or past
Like a sunset is only for wishing
Or how sorrow can only say goodbye
Our love was only what we were missing

I never did know you were crying
It was as if I had no mind or heart
Like an old man forgetting
Or yesterday’s blue sky
Our love was gone before I started trying

I never thought I’d stop living
It’s as if I died or just gave up
Like polite elevator conversing
Or closing the door alone at night
Our love is now just me remembering

Put yourself together
so you can leave
I didn’t ask you, but
you need to think to believe

Everything we felt; we
couldn’t talk about
We were assuming, but
was it assurance or doubt?

I never know
I never know
I won’t pretend
I just never know

You will never know either;
but you are stronger than me
You have to put yourself through it,
so I can believe the way it will be

When you left,
you really left
When I watched,
I knew what you could not accept

Whatever the wind did to your hair,
you had already left with me

Whatever you gave away,
you had already given before me

I never know
I never know
I won’t pretend
I just never know

I know you're feeling something
You see the rain in ways that I never saw fall
But I can't make it happen
Everytime I try who you are stands behind a wall

I know you hear the music
It's saying something that the words can't reveal
But though I try to understand
It's a message that I will never know to be real

I didn't take any pictures
I only wanted memories to remember
But you took away the things that only you knew

I know you have a look in your eye
It's faraway even though you lay next to me
But though I can kiss you tonight
It's a distance that makes it hard to see

I didn't take any pictures
I onlly wanted to write you sonnets
But you read them as if they were never true

What I thought was blood on my mind
Was the memory of hidden girl’s life
Humanity burning inside distant diaries
Until their horror became our strife

What I thought was water to cleanse
Was from a spear ****** into his side
While he cried again for our peril
From madness we could not hide

What I thought was a horn blast of angels
Was the sound of a thousand rising suns
While the last witness was asked to forget
The death of a thousand mother’s sons

What I thought was a prayer for peace
Was the sound of hell being born again
And when the fire liberates itself from grace
We are reminded that flesh is made from sin

To so many it is surreal and dream-like; say it out loud,
they nailed him to a cross; an overwhelming reality too
cruel to believe

Reminded of nothing but what passed their lips into
your ears, the inquisitors, blessed by a past regarded
as their own holy ground asked, “How many prophets
have you met?”

It was enough to know who Satan should truly fear;
those who would never cry, who would have no reaction
to anything except the atrocity of someone who knew
them well

They say walk a mile in another man’s shoes but why
must we walk so far; isn’t his breath alone enough to
know of the scars in his hands and feet?

It seems that life gives others too many chances; they
hurt so many others and expect to be forgiven; but I
have not witnessed their punishment; it is the pattern
sewn by my bitterness

Is it God’s plan to reveal how and when they will be
driven into the desert of lament and sorrow; or even
if he already has, with burning sands beneath their
unrepenting feet, is it any of my concern?

The clock will strike on his time; the test is not only
in bearing my own pain but also in my discomfort
with God’s random will; random to mankind, but
not to God; he chose the time for the storm to wash
away those who preach what they do not know

The one who stirs hate in my heart suffers more than
I will ever know; his conscience burns deep into the
heart I once believed failed him; and when he comes
to me to witness my refusals will he ask then if God
gave me the power to part the sea?

I was given a hammer and some nails; was it to build
a home or to **** a man? I was given a pile of stones;
was it to build a home or to judge another man?

What did God ask of me; tell me what he said for
the dream was such a nightmare that I awoke in
horror at the sight of such unworthiness

To lower your gaze and be the truth; the truth that
only humility knows, not to be hurt once again but
to show how forgiveness is greater than anything
you have been promised?

And as you walk in fear towards an image beyond a
cross you cannot believe is real, will the worthiness of
the forgiver be enough for you to know that the shoes
you wear are not strong enough to hold another man’s
suffering in its sole?

All you see is darkness
You thought there was no life
But light is unnecessary
Not even to know me

I asked you to get closer
It’s more honest that way
Our bodies are so close
But I want what I cannot see

You may think I’m hiding
Instead I’m beckoning
Like stars standing aside
Or God parting the sea

As long as a moment
As short as a lifetime
My eyelash touching yours
A kiss is what we will be

You don’t know Joy
Neither do I
She’s only twelve years old
But she impacted a lot of peoples lives

She was a normal girl
Full of life
She had lots of friends
She was popular

Joy has two sisters
And a mom and dad
Just a family
They go to church
Her parents both have jobs
The economy made that necessary

But something happened
Halloween was cancelled
People who used to leave their doors unlocked stopped doing that
People who believed in the sanctity of their homes stopped thinking like that
A sleepy college town became part of the real world

You see
They were murdered
Joy
And her parents
Her sisters weren’t home
But they came home to that
And they are scarred
And the murderer was never found

The sherriff said
"But I can see Joy's eyes as clear today as I sit here talking to you."

It happened in 1966
I was eight
And I remember
Because I lived in that town
I was there that night
We read about it
I was scared
But I had forgotten
Until last night when I was reminded

Now I weep for Joy
I want to live a dream for her
But I don’t know what she wants
I want to go back in time
I want to be there when the murderer arrived
And I want to stop him
I want to be there with a shotgun
And blow him away
Maybe you think this is getting too intense
Well it was for Joy
And I’m man enough to do it
I want to **** this man
And I am not sorry that I think this way

I love you Joy
And I’m glad I was reminded
Because a little girl should not be forgotten
Just because time has

I can only pray for time to stop and smoke a cigarette

She is living in a time of peace;
a happy mind unknowing of
the Valkyrie deciding which
solider will live and which will
die while the smoke takes
pictures of the stench of death

What is left of my madness when her face can only smile?

Is she beyond the sound of  
Vishnu, “I am become death,”
knowing he was a man trained
to **** without remorse because
morality has become suspended
in the name of expediency

Would she be forced to roast marshmallows on a flaming tree line?

When the time is right; gasoline,
victory; when would her mind be
destroyed by information that did
not come from her father; he never
knew when to tell her what waited
along river banks lined with spears

Will she know nihilism until the resurrection is how man lives?

What happened to the water where we used to play?
It always came from storms that made us hide away
We were afraid but nature told us it would be alright
I always knew you because we shared the same dark night

I noticed you next to me
We couldn’t really say
Though we felt the same things
But castles were being built
That’s what grown-ups like to do

I’d like to dig my way to find the ocean under the sand
I know it’s there because my dreams guide my hand
Rocks jet out bringing me closer to desperate men
There’s no living except to sail where courage soothed them

I noticed I wasn’t the only one
Some dance the night away
You only needed an ocean
Castles fall away when we let them
Or were they ever really there?

The soft life hides from the failures of fear
I’m going to turn myself away from things I hear
I wasn’t born for what makes a King survive
Feelings aren’t for him to judge if they keep us alive

I noticed you walked away
Did I disappoint you
Or did you find yourself?
Castles seem small to ships at sea
I wondered if you were building a new one

The sky inside your eyes
Like the forest in every tree
And the ocean in every shell
Tells of your love inside of me

The whisper inside your eyes
Like the sun in every light
And the moon in every glow
Tells of your love in the night

The life inside your eyes
Like the soul in every prayer
And a heart in every beat
Tells me your love is always there

I still love you, like the things I’ve seen
inside a painted memory,
for the brush was my own
I walked next to the shore, as I laid by your side;
it was the same sensation,
the roaring colors of sound
on an empty beach; because what we gathered
came to rest against our ears
with the smiles of our world
lodged into my mind, though you were gone,
but not what I recalled;
you had to be yourself,
and that was the promise I made to you

The color gray has been offered as tribute
the pain of age is not a mark that cares to hide
but within my grasp, change, acceptance
as only a weathered stone would know
standing firm as a relic of the past
stubborn as an eye that loves beauty
solemn as a view from the summit
hard as love that lost its chance, but
waiting for the glowing *** to boil again
every morning I become remembrance
walking slowly on distant shores
because regret is already late
there are no broken mirrors
or paintings of jagged edged emotion
of the time you were my friend
we both know how we once felt
but is it now to live for something new
or for someone who believes in fate
I am a bridge you crossed, lagging behind
the fire you see in the distance is my torch
the moon that once guided us cannot walk straight
there is no more broken glass under our feet
only the sound of a ring falling onto the floor
there are no songs about what was lost
only the wind blowing memories to safe harbors
yet you said maybe
yet you said what could be
is me
but if what is to be
is what is never again
and what once was
will only last forever in gray hue
and tiny lines traced upon our faces
then the final truth is that I loved you
and I knew
that what was inside of you
was what was inside of me

It was the shock of seeing her walls
They were still standing
And as he looked over her shoulder
She didn't have to tear them down anymore
Because he knew what she was hiding
It wasn't possible
There was supposed to be an entrance
And a small window to ask questions
Then a decision
But all that never happened
Then he said he would be right back
He had to draw on the walls of his cave
And she lived without him
Relieved that the walls remained
Then as she gazed upon them, he said something
And she turned as he wandered around
What are you doing she thought
And he said, "You alread know, I'm here for you"
But it was the cave that she wondered about
And he never would talk about it
It was not something that he could share
But all he could see were walls from the outside
Except for the one she had built
He was inside
Anytime he wanted
No matter what she said
But he kept his distance
There was so much to see while she followed
What are you doing?
He said, "I want to know who you are"
She screamed at him to leave
But he said, "I was born here. This is my home"
This was not what was supposed to happen
She was supposed to wait until her wall came down
But he was not interested in all that
It didn't matter
He was already inside her
And all she could do was gasp
Because she knew she was naked
And his eyes were looking at her body
And into her eyes
And into her past
And into her mind
And into her heart
And he was going to stay inside her
Because that was what she wanted
Even though the walls were built to say no
But she made the mistake of pushing them out too far
And into the spaces that she forgot to fill he came
To be the one
Because the one didn't need to convince her
He was just the one

I’m ready
To be inside you
Inside your life
Inside your mind
Inside your body

I’m ready
To feel you
Feel your life
Feel your mind
Feel your body

I want your passion
Let me give you mine
When you look at me
Can you hear my mind?

Can you?
I am calling for you
I will set you free
As no other man can do

I’m ready
To join you
Join your life
Join your mind
Join your body

I want your passion
Let me give you mine
When you look at me
Can you feel my mind?

Can you?
I'm going crazy for you
I will set you free
As you dreamed I would do

Yes I am the answer
I am no longer a fantasy
I am the man you want
What's real will be our ecstasy

I want to look deep inside
I want to see who you are
I want you to let me go inside
Where no man has been before

I’m ready
To love you
Love your life
Love your mind
Love your body

Yes I want to make love to you
All day and all night
Yes I want to make love to you
Your fire I will ignite

I’m ready baby
Can you let go?
I’m ready baby
I’m telling you so
I’m ready baby
Will you hold back?
I’m ready baby
This is no act

Let me whisper
And tell you what I want
Let me whisper
And tell you what I will do
Let me whisper
So you can forget your fears
Let me whisper
And tell you how beautiful you are
Let me whisper
And tell you how you make me feel
Let me whisper
I will never hold back
Let me whisper
And tell you I love you
Let me whisper
Until my voice drowns in our passion

I’m ready
To be inside you
Will you take me in?
Will you take my life?
Will you take my mind?
Will you take my body?
Will you?
I’m ready*


Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved. Mark Lecuona

A poet can feel your pain
And express his own
He has an opinion
And will stand alone
He will tell of things
He thinks in the night
He only cares
About what is right
He will make you think
About life and who you are
It may be painful
It may open a scar
You will know by his words
That his mind does burn
And even if you disagree
You will soon return
Because he will tell you
The truth as only he can
And in this world of rhyme
Only the strong will stand

A few months ago
I knew we would speak
As I thought about this
I imagined what I would say
To a roomful of children
That I’d never met before
It was 2:00 AM and I couldn't sleep
So I jumped up and wrote most of this on the spot
Just so you know
I’m not a professional speaker
But I am a person
Just like you
And I know how I feel about things
I started writing because I became tired of war
And because I want my children to know how I think
So I’m here to talk about poetry
I view poetry as a combination of art and opinion/experience
But in reality
I'm here to talk about life
Your teachers are helping you
They are giving you the tools you need
So you can take care of yourself as an adult
They teach you English and Spanish
And Math and Science
But these are just like a hammer
Or a saw or a drill
They are in your tool chest
You know…
In your mind
I like to call it the braided mind
Because it's a blend or a braid of three things
The Intellectual
The emotional
The spiritual
And as a child you are trying to develop these things
I think being a poet can help
In my opinion most failures are due to emotional immaturity
It seems that school typically concentrates on the intellectual
But the emotional side is very important
And you need to develop this too
So I have a question for you
And I find the answer to this question to be very important
It helps as you interact with people
It helps you be a true poet
Can you put yourself in another person's shoes?
Can you UNDERSTAND their problems?
What about this question?
Can you accept the truth even if it conflicts with everything you believe?
That’s a tough one
I have two other questions
Do you have a need to be cool?
Are you a trend-setter or are you trendy?
I used to worry about stuff like that
The answers to these questions involve lessons of maturity
That's why I ask
I know it is difficult to go against the grain
To stand alone in a mob
It is a huge personal challenge
So what is it about emotional maturity that involves poetry?
It can teach to think for yourself
To be unswayed by the wrong thing
Even if everyone else disagrees with you
The poet offers his true feelings without regard to criticism
You are the poet
You are not affected by mere opinion
You are affected by truth
Here is another question
How do you feel about life?
Because we want to know
Because you are the poet
We want you to make us see what you see
With words
We want you to make us feel what you feel
With words
If you can think like this
And open your mind to the things around you
Then you will always feel alive
This is the way I try to think
And because of this I am never bored
I didn’t say I wasn’t boring!
I said I am never bored
Because my mind is always feeling things
And then I communicate
The ability to effectively communicate is critical
That is why you study the rules of language
But what are you going to do
With what you have learned?
There are so many possibilities
But what you have to know
Is that nothing is impossible
Look at me
I’m 53 years old
That’s probably pretty old to you
And it sounds old to me too
Just the other day
I received an offer for senior citizens
Senior citizens!
Like my life was over or something
But look at me
I’m here talking to you
It's because I decided I wanted to speak out
I wanted to be a poet
And I started down that road four years ago
So I was already old when I started something new
But look at you
You are young
Is it too early for you?
Like some say it’s too late for me?
NO!
You can start now
You can start thinking
You can start being who you are
But will you dare
Or will you worry about what someone may think?
Understand what I am saying
I’m not talking about doing what you want
So you can hurt someone
Or cheat your way through life
Or disrupt your teacher
I’m talking about being who you are
And not being afraid
Being tough
But not stubborn
Being able to care
But not obsessing
Being able to forgive
But not being easy
Being wise
But not arrogant
So what about poetry?
Do you think that men write poetry?
Do you think that men have feelings?
Do you think that men can make rhymes?
You better believe it
Because men feel things like women do
We all do
We can be mad
But don’t stay mad
That’s the secret
We can feel sorrow
But don’t stay sorrowful
It’s a matter of understanding why
Why do you feel that way
Then deal with it
Because if you deal with it
Then you own it
Then you control it
So it doesn’t control you
When I am sad or mad
I don’t just fall apart
But I don’t deny the feelings either
Sometimes we carry these feelings with us
And they eat away at our insides
Why?
Because we don’t really confront them
We let them sit there
Ready to pounce
So how do you do control that?
For me that’s where writing comes in
I try to express what it is that I am feeling
Then I write about it
And it becomes easier and easier
Why?
Because it’s my true self
I know myself
I know how I feel
So I tell myself
Then I tell you
And when I am willing to tell somebody
That’s when the magic starts to happen
Now… I feel things
But it’s not always about me
Sometimes it’s about someone else
There is something philosophers call a priori
That means you can see something that is true
Without having to experience it for yourself
And when you can feel that pain
Without experiencing it yourself
Then that’s called empathy
That’s when you put their shoes on
That’s when you know about their life
Then you realize they are real
Just like you
And then that’s when you can speak
About others
About right and wrong
Because then you don’t have to wait
Until it happens to you
Because what kind of life is that
Just waiting for something bad to happen
To you
Before you care
Maybe you are already angry
Maybe you aren’t popular
Maybe you’ve been picked on
What should you do?
Pick a fight?
Steal something?
Do something wrong?
No!
Think about Martin Luther King
He was made to feel less than a man
He didn’t have the rights others had
Just because of the color of his skin
He was humiliated
Do you know what that word means?
Do you know how that feels?
To be intensely made fun of
Or ridiculed
But what did he do?
He stood up for what is right
He used his anger wisely
He didn’t strike back
But he was not meek
He stood up and said
That is wrong
And he knew he would be hated
He knew he would be in danger
But that anger became the fuel
For greatness
And change in mankind
And he did not strike a blow with his fists
He just walked and sat
Where he was told he could not
He turned the other cheek
But he held his ground
And he won
Because they knew he was right
And what is right never loses
It just takes someone to say
It’s time to be right
What about Gandhi?
He was a small man
He was one man
Like Martin Luther King
Gandhi was a lawyer
But you don’t have to go to law school to understand
But to instinctively know about right and wrong
Means to know in your heart
Nobody has to tell you
You don’t have to read it in a book
You just know
And he knew
But he didn’t strike a blow
He just walked and sat
Where he was not allowed
And he became a great man
So what does this all mean?
It means you can think now
It means you can know now
It means that you can stand up
For right and against what is wrong
Because when you do
You will become very powerful
People will respect you
Some will fear you
I’m not saying walk around pointing fingers
But I am saying stand up for yourself
Don’t be swayed
Don’t let someone convince you otherwise
You are ready to be a leader
For good
Why not today?
But you do not have to wait
For something to happen
You can write about it now
You have your mind open
Remember
I’m not too old to live
And you’re not too young to live
So we both will express our feelings
And become poets
Because there is a dignity to this
It teaches you to be human
And to be alive
In any situation
Regardless of where you are
Or who you are with
Because life suddenly has meaning
In every moment
And you can be a part of each moment
If you let yourself be
Will you?
There is another challenge
Accepting truth
Sounds easy
But it’s not
To be a truth-seeker
You must be willing to be open minded
You must be willing to change
No matter what
Because the truth is the truth
It doesn’t care what you believe
It lives in its own world
To be a poet
You must be free
You must be willing to speak
About truth
Not to make yourself look good
Or to justify yourself
But for the sake of truth only
There is nothing like it
They say it can set you free
And it is true
I know it to be true
Because in my life
When I was honest
Not in a hurtful way
But in a compassionate way
Then I was able to be free mentally
Free of worries
Free of burdens
Because there was nothing to hide
And I knew I was in control
Of my mind
And nobody can brainwash me
I will listen
And I will consider what you say
But I won’t automatically believe it
Just because it’s on TV
Or the internet
Or because somebody said it loudly
Loud doesn’t mean right
Loud just means loud
So to be a true poet
You have to tell us what you really think
That means tell us the truth about your feelings
No matter what it is
Because when we read truth
From someone’s heart
We are drawn in
Because that is a rare thing in this world
It’s not a matter of making rhymes
It’s a matter of life
And people crave honesty
And sincerity
And courage
Tell us about fear
About sadness
About joy
About sorrow
Are you ready?
Inspiration has its own clock
And when you feel these things
Your pen will know what to do
This is what we want
From you
Can you do it?




Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved. Mark Lecuona

I'm just getting started my love
They said I'd forget you soon
Not to take it so seriously
But I can't live like that

I wanted to think of forever
I wasn't practicing how to love
I thought you deserved my best
I guess it's not good enough

I'm the one that got away
It's gonna come alive
You'll remember I knew
I knew how to love you
Because that's all I wanted to know

I don't want to make mistakes
I tried to figure you out
That's where I went wrong this time
Putting pieces together before they break

Now you want to say you're sorry
Somehow I'm more important than ever
Telling you it's ok so you can move on
And give a clean heart to someone new

I'm the one that got away
It's gonna haunt you
You'll wake up thinking of me
And how I was the right kind of fool
The right kind to fall in love with you

But I'll love again
Yes I'll love again
In spite of you
In spite of you

I want to tell you what is happening in the culture

Our people are afraid
They do not know how they are going to die
But even more frightening is how they are going to live

What does it mean to live?

How do you live?

Are you aware of yourself?

We are very aware our own being
We have consciousness
But we can only see what is physical
We feel things
Anger
Joy
Pain
Jealousy
Fear

Let me see if I can explain it

I feel pain
So I exist
I cannot feel your pain
But I can imagine it
I fear for my children
therefore they are as real
as I perceive them to be
in the light of my anxiety
If I see you
is my conclusion clouded
by the mere fact of perception?
Would I know you better
had I never met you?
Would it be better
if I never knew you?
Because then
I could not describe you
and my silence
might be closer to the truth
leaving you as everyone else
but deviant
in terms of more or less
depending on your perceptions
of who you are
and how you should interact
If I experience you
do I know you?
Or do I only know you
as I affect you?
Can I tell another
about you?
Or will my perception
**** my objectivity?
Is it better not to experience
as a method of knowing?
Is it better
that I not verify who you are?
Instead only imagining
without the use of my senses?
Shall I close my eyes?
My ears?
My mind?
Can only a baby be objective?
Is pain the only objective feeling?
I knew pain at birth
But knew nothing else
What do I know now?
I know what makes me happy
I see what happens to others
I hope it doesn't happen to me
But I have little idea
in the point of all this
I know as much as I did the day I was born
Will you live in a better world
if you are not described
by me?
If I hear what you say
how can I know what you mean?
Are you being sincere?
Or calculated?
Are you understanding
what it is you say?
Am I understanding
what you say
when I cannot know
if you understand
what you say?
All I can know
is that you take up space
And that time has passed
But how can I know this?
I cannot occupy the same space
Though I heard your utterance
I am not waiting for it
It happened
And so time
has passed
as I know time to be
So there must be space
and time
Because I am affected
By time and space
And so I am
But are you?
Does A equal A?
It does if I don’t question
what I see
or what I hear
But if I speak
then you are lost
because I only perceive you
as an object
But do I know?

Do you see what I’m saying?
Maybe you can explain it to me
You came here and I’m the first person you encountered
If you leave after talking to me you may know everything you need to know
But I’m not the answer to any of your questions
I live here
For a while anyway
We believe lots of things about why we are here
We believe lots of things about what happens when we die
Do you die?
We do
And if we are good at anything it’s not thinking about dying
It is too overwhelming to think about
We are not good when things overwhelm us

People are born and they die
Born?
What does it mean to be born?
It means to come into existence
But you must come into existence from someone who already exists
And it is painful for them
And it will become more painful for them as it grows apart from its creator

People die as they expire
They die as they are killed
Dying is when your time is up
Being killed is when someone else takes your time
But we don’t know

Do you know fear?
We do
For ourselves
And our culture

What is our culture?

It can be many things
It can be the color of our skin
It can be the language we speak
It can be where we were born
But really it’s in the way we think
We start with our mother
Our Father
Our brother
Our sister

Then it becomes more
It becomes about where we belong

We hate being alone

We hate being alone

I can’t say that enough

Did you know we judge one another?

What does it mean to judge?

It means to decide who is worthy and who is not

How do we judge?

It doesn’t matter how we judge
We just do
We pick whatever it may be that makes us feel better
The color of their skin
The language that they speak
Where they were born
The way they think

But usually it is about our circumstances
We don’t like poor people
But it’s really because we want to believe they made themselves that way
It’s a superiority complex rooted in our desperation

It’s not good enough anymore to just eat and live in a hut
Yes, we want comfort
We don’t like to be too hot or too cold
We don’t like to feel hungry
We don’t like to be uncomfortable

Why is it so hard to be comfortable?

I don’t know
It just is
We have to work very hard to be comfortable
Not just for a day
But for our entire life

We love it when we don’t have to work so hard
But it’s not good enough not to work
We must go somewhere
A different place
A mountain
An ocean
A place with old buildings

Then there’s drugs

That is how we escape as we sit
Or stand

You see most people cannot change their minds
Not their opinions
Their minds
Not as they sit there
Something artificial must do it for them
Or they must wait a long time
But they have to want to change their minds
And they have to know how
But nobody teaches us very well
Some people act like they know how to teach us
But we have to do it ourselves

The strongest people we know are those who know they are going to die
Yew, we all know we’re going to die
But we are ok as long as we don’t know when
But when someone say’s when
Or soon
Then it’s on
That’s when you know you are alive
And it’s like being on a drug
Because your mind changes
And everyone is amazed by your strength
We can’t imagine knowing
We don’t want to know
The only way we can survive is to know we have a long life ahead of us

And yet we continue to struggle

Let me tell you what is happening in the culture

We cannot decide why we are here
We cannot decide how we got here
Did someone create us?
Or did we just happen?
Neither choice is easy to understand
Or accept
So we divide ourselves
But those who believe we were created have divided even further

It seems they want to be the chosen people

They want to be the ones who are the favorite of the creator

Why?

Because we are afraid

The most difficult thing it seems for a human is to believe in equality
This means you are the same as everyone else
But it matters that we are not
We want to be special
We write books about it
We sing songs about it
We pray about it

The only way to be equal is to believe the same thing
If you do not believe as does another then you are not equal
Or so it seems
You are different
Yet the creator remains silent

So we believe Shamans

Wise men from India

People who reject the ways of money

Or at least those who appear to reject money

And yet they need money too

But there is something new to consider
You
You have not been included in our consciousness
We wondered about you
But you are not a part of our beginning or how we end as a species
We think we are all there is

But that is no longer true

So what does it mean?

That is what is going on with the culture
The search for meaning
Is there more than to live
To love our children
To love another human being
Is there more to it than that?

Do you know?

You see we are not very interesting
Unless fear means something to you
Unless you enjoy watching people do things that make no sense
Unless you enjoy cruelty
Unless you enjoy greed
Unless you enjoy lies
Unless you enjoy conflict

Then we are a very interesting species

But we cannot tell you how to live

Because we don't know how

We don't know how to live or how to die

So we wait for an answer

Do you have one?

It may just be watching Joe Cocker screaming about getting help from his friends

Maybe you should talk to someone else

Where fear lives
Hope struggles
To survive
Where anger exists
Dignity fights
To remain alive
Silent worry
Met by prayer
As mortality looms
We smell
Burning denial
And death’s pungent fumes
And now
The seeker
Will roam
Walking the halls
Of God’s message
When will he be called home?
The door
Of pain
And agony
Opens
It is time
For your testimony
Of who you were
And how you waited
Living with tomorrow’s promise
Which suddenly
Is upon you
The doubting Thomas
Do you stand
In your confusion?
Or do you kneel?
Helpless and alone
With your ego’s sword
Now melted steel
Who will make you strong
As uncertainty reigns
And drops its unmerciful curtain?
Who will win?
And who will lose?
Once assured now uncertain
You witness
Laughter and joy
As a prayer is met
With clemency
And grace
As God did not forget
Will you utter an aging promise
With tears from closed eyes?
Giving another false pledge?
Delivered only upon
Your need for God
As you crawl along the edge
Of the end
Of life
Or is it a new beginning?
What will you learn?
How will you live?
Will it be about giving?
You walked into the chamber
And judged yourself
With God’s own revelation
The picture
One of failure
And embraced temptation
When you return
And plead for your life
Or that of another
Will you remember this day
And how you begged
To be mercy’s lover?

So you don’t like rejection?
How do you think I feel?
I must approach your throne
And hope for audience to my appeal
It is your heart that I see
In the unsmiling face that adorns
It is the wall I must penetrate
And the pain from your past scorns
You sit with arms folded
As I must prove my worth
I know who it is that I am
And I believe in our loves birth
The baby that I deliver to you
Is the one you cannot conceive
It is the love of your life
The one you will not believe
So listen to me closely
As you sift through your choices
You cannot avoid pain and fear
But can you hear me over their voices?
I will not raise mine to you
I will whisper in your ear
From afar you will see me
But my words will draw you near
You remain guarded
As I begin your new life
The gate is tightly drawn
The moat drowns romantic strife
But my words penetrate you
Like a Trojan horse in the night
Except instead of a myth
It will be as real as your eyes so bright
As the sun passes silently
You will open your gates at dawn
You resisted one final time
But my words attacked all night long
And in the end you will wonder
Why you gave the order to ****
What fear ruled over your kingdom
Was choked by love until it was still
Startled to find yourself free
In the fields of flowers and belief
You look to the hand you hold
It is the man you thought was a thief
And as your heart widens
And grows deeper than imagination
I enter the court of a lady’s dreams
And we will dance together as one

No matter my smile or good cheer
The light cannot penetrate the depths of your long night of tears
It is not for me to exist in the darkness
But instead to bring you to the surface
From winter’s freezing
To spring’s thawing
Words you’ve heard before
Pretty and nothing more
But the depths where you learned to hold your breath
Are where poets and painters drown in a lonely death
Where hearts break into singular pieces like an arpeggio
The alternating silence of humility and the pain inside your ego
Let my whispers carry the weight of  the ocean you created
The rivers that flow from inside you have left your heart naked
But what I might not understand about why
I can trouble your sorrows long enough for you to see the sky

In the mendacious times of human existence
The dominion of truth exists only in those willing to die for it
To whom, so sure of themselves
The graves are full of those willing to accept God's will
For they know sin speaks in many ways

"Join us if you have the courage
Otherwise remain as you are
Failed men afraid of their souls
To divine your purpose
You must walk in the dark
While the moon weeps
Eat without a plate
While a King sleeps
Fail at love
While she slays another
You must know fear
As does your mother
Then and only then will you be ready
For the bullet seeks only a hero
But it will only know if you speak your mind
And if you die green we will grow again
And if it is the winter frost
Then we will know our solitude is ready our fate"

Once again
History is buried
As fragile scraps record
How we varied
From truth
To lies
Guiding us all
To our demise
The enemy
Is sent to the grave
Yet honesty
Can only wave
Sneering
At what I believe
Asking how can it be
That I am so naïve?
Why do you accept
Everything you read?
The world is dying
Over mankind’s greed
Do you have the mind for this?
Then let me begin
Hear what I say
The enemy is within
Know their intentions
Discover their mind
Study their words
In them you will find
The root of your fears
The chamber for the bullet
The conspiracy to steal
Money from your wallet
If you will only see
The daily symptoms
Explode all around
With self-righteous rhythms
As your great country
Has begun to rot
Along with the ideals
That someone forgot
They know you
And how you live
How you wish to please your God
They count on you to forgive
They use fear of retribution
From your creator
On rapturous wave
They make you a hater
Do you worship
God, man or the flag?
Do you even know
Which end will wag?
The living
Give the account
Exalting their quest
From atop the mount
The dead
Unable to testify
Gasping from below
Unable to tell you why
You are deceived
From birth to dust
Your destiny given away
As in evil we trust
How can mankind be free
When a nation cannot turn the other cheek?
Killing is so easy
Is revenge all that we seek?
Yet you pray
And demand moral leadership
The good book your master
Brandished like a whip
And who do we forgive?
Our enemy?
Our leader?
The questions are many
Shall we drown everyone
With a boil from the melting ***?
Demanding obedience
We say follow us or be shot!
Yes honesty waves
A cynical hand
As we continue
To plunder some other land
Say what you will
I don’t care anymore
Greed's insatiable dance
Is not my war
Dig up the graves
Ask the hard questions
Why are you here?
What are the lessons?
The dead speak no more
The cheers grow louder
Many more will die
Who will light the powder?
Will it be you?
Will you give vicarious approval?
You will feel the fire
Of your soul's removal
Yes history has been buried
And so too my peace of mind
Can all those who love
Live in a world so unkind?




COPYRIGHT 2011. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. MARK LECUONA

I’ve been hit

This is it
I’m going to die
But I was lucky
It was just dirt that blinded me
And a bullet with its own dying gasp
But it hurt so bad
I thought about living
I couldn’t just walk away from it all
Then I realized I was ok
I wanted to live so badly
I finally realized the truth
I thought of my Mother
And my Dad
I got up
I had to live for them
And die for them too

Fear was no longer an issue

We say leave no Marine behind
But we also never leave courage behind
There is a way a Marine must live
And it was time to run
Forward
Up the hill
We had to take it
We jumped over potholes
Holes made by our jets
And our artillery
We just had to **** them all
We had bayonets
It was going to be ruthless
There was no time for anything but victory

There is nothing more desperate than hand to hand combat

While people were carrying signs
I was carrying a gun
While people were fighting the police
I was fighting a stranger
I had to **** a man I would never know
Or he would **** me
I kept thinking
This is it
But I kept running
And everyone was with me
Courage was everywhere
Politics didn’t matter
Morality didn’t matter
We just had to take the hill
And we did
Even after three days of no rations
The choppers brought them in
We thought they were going to take us out of there
But instead we were ordered to take the hill
We had to order people to die
I don’t know how I can forget this

I ordered my best man to die

He had to be the one
Because if he didn’t do it
We would all die
And now I carry that with me
Forever
When you look at me
Old
Wrinkled
Saluting
I’m thinking of him
That is why I am crying
And I will never forget
They say I’m a hero for freedom
But that day I was a warrior
And I didn’t think about freedom
I just thought about my guys
It was about us
Some of us survived
Others did not
But I am their memory
And today I remember the sign on the tree

“Was it worth it?"

I gave you love that was all I had
It was almost enough
There was so much between us that mattered
But uncertainty dimmed the light

You were over my head
That's why I talked so much
I wanted to give you a life to believe in
But it took a movie to keep you around

I played a part
I made it easy for you
I made a mistake
I made it too easy for you

Now you look at me that way
I throw stones into quiet ponds
You didn't know how to reach the other side
I never knew it was me who brought it to you

How close to God
How close to love
Could we even think like that
When only sin made it last as long as it did

I played a part
I made it hard for you
I made a choice
I made it hard for you

Watching decency roll away
Nobody cares about dignity
Everybody wants instant fame
The genius is in the celebrity

The less we think the better
The mystery is in pouty lips
They only kiss the camera lens
And not the intellect they eclipse

We’re choking on the stars, who
walk the streets beneath our feet
The aging is to see it all again
They only discover the same street

The way to worship is by the day
What will you do to the past
That you cannot do tomorrow
All that is left is what will last

Mountain tops remove desire
Distraction removes pain
Suffer the country or the city
No matter the result is the same

What was life without love
Before, you were what you wanted
After, you were disappointed
Now, you walk with the haunted

I want to tell you that I believe
But not in my life or in my death
Instead I want to believe in you
I see the tears in your every breath

All I could do was point to my heart
It was the sign of my love to the end
You were saddened by what he said
But still, I will always be your friend

I feel ironic
I want to be a free thinker
But I believe in order
Anarchy is the same as fascism
I feel fear
I want to be an activist
But I don't want to lose my job
Protest doesn't pay the bills
I feel agnostic
I don't know how to believe
But I pray everyday
God is something I can't question
I feel love
I want it so badly
But though I know how to be alone
I hope it forces itself on me

I say a lot of things
I'm not always so careful
But it is the first thing I think about
Every time I decide to show you my anger
I've already killed much worse in my mind
But the way I want to come to you
Is to fill the soft places you have saved for love
I want to fill them with what remains inside of me
Because what was able to survive my own life
Is the only part of me worth giving to you

In a dream
I see myself
As you see me
When I awaken
And lose all sanity
As I always do
I ask you
To tell me
What I am about
But I only hear you
When my eyes are closed
Will it ever matter?

In your pain
While I ignore you
You see so clearly
As I sleep
I feel
Finally
What you feel
And it hurts
In my sorrow
I beg for the dream
To stop being so unkind
Will it ever end?

In the same game
I remain as I am
Like yesterday
I walk in the crowd
And remember
Clearly
How you came to me
In the night
And became the dream
That lifted the veil
Revealing what I already knew
Will I ever change?*



All Rights Reserved. Copyright 2011. Mark Lecuona

You are
   a gift to these times
With the dignity
   of a survivor
And the sadness
   of those bearing a loss
Inside you the hope
   for a happy moment
While you carry
   the message forward
Always remembering
    to live as grace does
Not making enemies
   of those who fear you
For they know
   your wrath is justified
But not to your
   heart which wants to love
That is who you are
   if only they will let you

It’s only ten minutes each day
Not exactly, who keeps count
But it’s always too fast for me
The changing colors of the sky
It’s always dark beneath my feet
That’s the part that lasts too long
Still there’s tomorrow’s sleepy eyes

Even broken glass reflects
Our nature exists, scarred as it is
Still the grand gesture must be made
And if you think it’s all too much
Then tell me why you sleep at night
What turns you on anymore
If not your dreams talking to you

The distance between us, it seems
Is as far as the sun is from me
I can accept my place, it’s beautiful
How can I say anything different?
I don’t know where to begin
If I’m not in my knowing, so small
How would I know your worth to me?

I wonder if I am the one to make you cry
Is that the moment that I made you feel
Is it the memory that you want to forget
I wanted you to laugh out loud
And whisper my name like a shell
When you stop pretending with me
We can live the stories I can only make up

I think this is my question
Was that really for me?
Your smile has scattered my mind
Like children at the end of a school day

Screaming and yelling recklessly
Running away from tedium
With no thought to anything
But the happiness they will spend

And when you laugh
Birds of a different feather
Gather with no thought of difference
But with hope for your call

As do I
Or is it just who you are?
A girl with a smile for a stranger
Because life is about what you give

You’re not rejection
Not from me
Or any man
Nor the reasons you assume are true

You’re not alone
Don’t make yourself that way
Wear your dress tonight
And know that I believe in you

Roller skating against the traffic
Is it safer than inviting me into your dreams?
The wind that blows through your life
Is still there waiting for you to set your sails free

Whatever effect I had
I’m just not sure, but
It’s not worth what you are
You have to believe what’s true

I wanted to drive up the road
I know you’re at the end
But water always turns without thought
I wonder if I’m flowing to you

Stepping outside to see the lightening
It’s not as safe as telling me we’re just friends
I know why you ran back inside
That’s where what you were never ends

is it true
that peace is only in the absence of war
is it true
that peace is only the sound of a locked door
is it true
that peace is only the time to reload a gun
is it true
that peace is only barren defeat under the sun
is it true
that peace is only a shadow behind a curtain
is it true
that peace is only getting high on a mountain
is it true
that peace is only while we plan our vengeance
is it true
that peace is only a word in a crying sentence
is it true
that peace is only living with our own kind
is it true
that peace is only a flower for a child to find
is it true
that peace is only for those whom we bury
is it true
that peace is only the burden God can carry
is it true
that peace is only for poets and old soldiers
is it true
that peace is only a word for dreamers
is it true
that peace is only for those who are kind
is it true
that peace is only for hearts that are blind
is it true
that peace is only a certain kind of maybe
is it true
that peace is only a mother and her baby

My eyes weep
The truth is so hard to bear
I wish to live only between day and night
It is the dusk that spares my tears
And so too the dawn
Like silk curtains that guard my slumber
Who would find me where time is fleeting
Not cherished
Or written about
Except as a beginning or an end
Where there is expectation or wistfulness
Never contentment
But for this I must pray
The end must be near
So to the beginning of hope
No matter how far the journey
It is only that it exists

Sometimes I want to wake up
But I cannot
I am conscious
Without form
Only feeling
Misty hazy despair
Inside a smoke glass coffin
But not a cocoon
I can see what it is that I am
Though desperation cannot hear me
And freedom cannot see me

Would it be that we were loved
Would it be that nomads had a mother
Would it be that we even knew our own name

Whatever is in my heart will wait
But for what is unknown except for life itself
We are the ones who must hope for a savior
Unnamed but true
For love is all we know
And the worth that man sees in our will to live

If I cried in front of you
Would you think I was less than a man
But what if I let you stab my heart without a flinch
Would you think I wasn't human
As much as I care about you
I just can't worry about what you think
I know what I am
I'm trying to let you know
That's what you always wanted
But you won't let me

I don't think it's just in my head
That's just one place for it
If I know it I own it
But I also found it
You can love me out of duty
That's not what I asked for
You can leave anytime you want
That's not an invitation
I thought it only proved I was sane
Except that's not real love
Or is it?

The ice
Beneath our feet
Is very thin
Our hearts
Are covered
By skin
We assume
The facade
Will hold
But the water
Below the ice
Is very cold
And the distance
Between life and death
Is very slight
The net
Beneath our lives
Is for black, brown and white
Life
Below the net
Is death
We walk
Watching the cracks
Measuring each step
We fly
Assuming the net
Is there
We fall
Much too fast
Into despair
Paycheck
To paycheck
A wing and a prayer
We smile
And laugh
As long as it’s there
Too small
And powerless
For a bail-out
The poor
Suffer through
A trickle-down drought
But I
Who has much
But not enough
Seemingly secure
With a full plate
Life’s not too tough
Yet fear
Lurks beneath
The surface
The thin line
Wraps my mind
Like a graceless necklace
Choking my emotions
As I look down
And see
The reality
While my children
Still believe
In me
The membrane
Between life and death
Unknowing my fears
In myself
And life’s short breath
As each day
I exist
For them
For their future
As adults
So they can begin
The cycle all over
And walk
The ice
As I did
Hoping they remember
My advice
To avoid the cracks
And not look down
And let fear
Rule their minds
Or their hearts
Instead drawing near
Strength
From whatever source
To live graciously
Towards those
Who fell
Unmercifully
Through the ice
Beneath their feet
And plunged
Into the dark
Cold
Expunged
From society’s
Conscience
And memory
Losers
With no redeeming
Quality
Except for in the minds
Of those
Who were taught
To love
To care
In every thought
Because
Their father's fears
Brought forth
A simple message
For a simple life
And what was worth
The worries
Or the pride
Or the mistrust
In life
In our leaders
And the unjust
Yes
They will peer
Through the ice
And feel the beating heart
Through the membrane
And will hold no vice
Against life
Or themselves
Or another
Knowing the cracks
Beneath their feet
Are not solely reserved for their brother

Should I tell you all my dreams, quickly and
at once before the shock of it all sets into
your life again or should we only pretend
that what is happening is only a day and an
hour between two friends?

I once was willing, so easily, to give the rest
of my life, sixty years or more; now I fear for
the time remaining, maybe a day and an hour
or maybe twenty years fading away into the
recesses of conversations and silence as if
there is a gap that could actually be filled
with meaning

How could you possibly compete with the
things I value that are always with me, songs
that make me cry, words I think of for weeks
on end before finding each other as we once
did, freedom to wonder about the beautiful
faces I see all around; how could you compete
with these things except to be so vulnerable
that you would be terrified enough to run away?

Are we thawing in the winter and freezing in
the summer; is there something that is so
different about us that we can be together
and give one another the freedom to climb
trees as leaves returning home or like the wind
that would blow without oceans swirling
or mountains standing in our way?

Is there?

Is there a time to be grateful for life, when
so many long to be free of this cage; could
it be only when selfishness knows no boundary,
or when each season arrives, cleansing the
past of its hold on our dreams

Is it when I wish to be what I cannot see;
nothing more than honest cry; as a baby
would only know, without remorse or
foresight

Is it when I can only be what is real that
I wish to be, the unseen senses in silent
purpose and longing without pretense

Is it when I wish to be only in turbulent
flow; in horror and shame, because of
what I know to be true of this life

Is it when I wish to be in a constant state
of inspiration; walking with nature;
without conversation excepting my eyes

Is it when I wish to be sad without laughter
or lightness, raw nerved; expressed in
pained fullness

Is it when I wish to be of you, to mingle your
pain with my own; to see your heart and
it’s ugly stain of life; cracked and imperfect

Is it when I wish to be, alone in my walk; to
know what I am; dove or rock; kindness or
unfeeling;

Is it when I wish to be what cannot be touched
by another's hand; a living soul, a pure spirit
and nothing more, living in my own land
without fences or title

Is it when I wish to be involved, not entertained;
original in thought, unexplained; piercing your
skin not for a night but even after I am gone

Is it when I wish to be myself but open, full
of energy, honest in pure emotion; an actor yet
real; a poet yet grounded; an artist who believes
in despair as much as in hope

Is there a time to be grateful for life, when I
can thank God no matter how I long for love;
no matter that the life of my father is over; no
matter that the world does not care for my
questions or my pain; tell me is there a time?

What is sentiment
except lament of choice
Or the things
we want to remember
I will not say
I am glad to be free
Or that I’m sorry
I removed my chains
Would you that
what you chose failed
Would you that
what failed you buried
Do I thank the bridge
I crossed in cautious haste
Or curse the feet
that took the first step
And though
the span seemed endless
The thought
of water flowing below
Made me wonder
if the other side existed
Had I become
concrete, steel and form
A span existing
only in dreams of lust
Or a mountain
ignoring clouds and stars
A difficult way of living
but what is life if not?
I cannot smell flowers
while building bridges apart
But it will never burn
because of you my love
I will name the one
upon which I stand after you
There is nothing to say
because I can never turn back
What I thought to do
became only what I was able
You know why I did it
I crossed because of you
But the distance served
is the time I have to know myself

I’m aware of so many things
But it’s my choice to be sure or hesitant
I know I could pierce my ear for Sunday nights only
I wonder if it would make me seem more militant

we can talk at a party
what you don’t know
what I don’t say
it all depends

I decided how I look is only good for a few minutes
Then our minds take over racing past our eyes
The soft sidewalk exists if you let it carry you
Take off your shoes, smile a lot, don’t tell lies

we can talk in a bar
what I don’t know
what you don’t say
it all pretends

I do have so many doubts
But it’s my choice to let them get to me
Sometimes a headache is a relief from life
It forces me to stop thinking about the things I see

we can talk in a park
what I already know
what you already said
it almost ends

I decided how you look is good for a long time
I’m sorry if you need more but its where we start
You look interesting enough, especially your style
I wonder what you’ll be like after I break your heart

we can talk on a phone
what I already said
what you already know
it almost begins

Whatever you think my eyes say
It could only be true
They can never lie
Not to life
Not to you

Tears that rage
Are not how I see the color blue
But whatever softens my sight
Could never be me
It could only be you

It’s hard to get to know you
When you hide your other faces
You don’t want to talk about it
You try to fill those empty spaces
Your life spun itself too tight
The scars you bear alter your flight
I thought you were made for flowers
The ones I gave you died every night

How can we get together
I guessed wrong I can’t pretend
It’s fate and nothing more
That’s how you decided
That’s how you decided
It didn’t matter how it starts
It doesn’t matter how it ends

It’s easy to start in the evening
It’s hard when the morning ends
You changed your face, still I saw you
You said something about being friends
I need to know who I’m talking to
I could make it up the way I see it
You let the wind tell you what to do
It told me the things you can’t admit

How can we get together
I guessed wrong I can’t pretend
It’s fate and nothing more
That’s what you decided
That’s what you decided
It didn’t matter how it starts
It doesn’t matter how it ends

I’m so tired of waiting for something to happen in my life
I’m aware of every known amazement to man
Every mountain
Every ocean
Every valley
They all have a name
But I've renamed them
They all have a new name
Indifference

I am aware of all my limitations
Both mental and physical
I’ve had this feeling before
Where I’m bursting through my skin
And all feeling is directed towards meaning
And I hate that I don’t know the answer
I hate that I have limitations
I cannot begin to learn every language
It seems someone must know something
Beyond borders
Beyond religion
Beyond culture
Beyond imagination
It has a name
Consciousness

The other day a man spoke to me
He knew everything
He saw in me his audience
And he smiled as he spoke
Quickly
Fact after learned fact
The more I listened the more excited he became
He said my strengths were his weaknesses
And his strengths were my weaknesses
I wasn’t an eye rolling wife
Or a bored student
I wanted to know what he knew
And he told me that I knew already
Even though it was new to me
Not life
But how he described it
He said wait for it
It is coming
It has a name
Hope

I saw a picture of a girl the other day
They were showing off her flat tummy
Every girl I know secretly wants to eat like a man
And they suffer for it
But there it was again
A flat tummy
And it was more important than what that man told me
That man is stuck between dirt roads and death
He will never be your neighbor
But her flat tummy will be
It will be next to you everywhere you go
Because that flat tummy is what this world is about
And she has nothing to say
She doesn’t have to
All she has to do is stand there
And men will want her
And women will hate her
It has a name
Superficiality

I love that girl with a flat tummy
Why does she have so much power?
Yet I don’t want her to speak because then she will lose her power
It seems I need her in my life
I am drawn to her beauty
It is the only thing that I never tire of
Why?
It has a name
Lust

I know there is an answer
But is it THE answer?
It’s an old book
But that book has its enemies
The book collects dust then is brushed off
It seems it is needed and then discarded
But the words never change
People memorize the words
People hate the words
People believe the words
It describes a world that is only known by wall paintings and fragments
A manuscript is not a picture
There isn’t anyone we can talk to
It requires we believe in the suspension of the laws of physics
It requires we believe something that our mind says can’t be true
Yet what we are left with are other things that can’t be true
What is truth when truth is something no man can create?
It has a word
Faith

The good thing about having children is you see the cycle
You see the desire for things that you eventually discard
You see how they begin even as you end
And you know where it will end
Yet they want it so badly
And you ask why?
Why must they indulge themselves and learn from their mistakes?
Why can’t they just believe in me?
But I see myself in them and remember when I loved each day for what it would bring
Yet what it brought had been written in every book
And experienced by every man
But I couldn’t get to the end fast enough
And now the end is here
Not of life but of experience
Because now it is a matter of living with the knowledge that this is it
But this knowledge is not enough to propel me back to my place of birth
Where my mother suffered to allow me to know these things
It has a name
Ritual

What is the next step?
Every moment is designed to create a box for my children to begin
They are in the box and I stand watching it
I know they will someday emerge but they must live in the box
Everything they touch and see will describe the box
From the inside
But they don’t know it’s a box
One day they will learn of the box and realize it was their limitations
There is no size or distance between walls to describe
Each box is different
It only depends on one thing
Curiosity
And when boredom outweighs curiosity then they will emerge
Because they will see how nothing they know provides the answer
It has a name
Meaning

I hope they can join me
But for now I will remain silent in my ridicule of meaningless pursuits
I will let them do the things I did
But it is easier for me because they are not as reckless as I was
Today I drove through my past
I saw the homes of my old friends
I remember the things we did to fool our parents
It was easy to do what I wanted even though I knew the rules
Maybe our parents just believed in us
Like I believe in my children
It is the irony of knowing better
It is what you think but you really don’t know
We don’t know our children yet we think we know of life
It has a name
Delusion

I thought of God
And what kind of mind could create life
In all its complexity
To make a river run the length of a continent
To divide the land by the oceans
To contain the life giving breath of air
And I thought how easy for him
There was nothing I can do to compare
Except to love my children
It is so natural
So easy
So joyous
And that must have been how it was for him
And yet to love such as this requires no thought
No planning
No greatness in me
Because he gave me that gift
And it is greater than any mountain
Any deluge
Any evil that I must resist
It is his greatest miracle
For in my weakness
Is his strength
And in his strength
Is my love

I always thought I loved you
I had to leave to know for sure
I saw a picture of your love for him
It was too much for me to endure

Making love to his memory
Is destroying my mind

A man needs to believe she's an angel
He wants her to be fresh and pure
A love saved for him only
And not something she's done before

Looking deep into your eyes
Whose love I will find?

I can't live with your past
I can't live without your future
My heart won't tell me what to do
I'm sorry baby, I know I'm hurting you

I know how hard it can be
Living your life as someone's fantasy
Pretending love has no past
And always hoping that he won’t ask

I'm leaving even though I love you
Because love needs to be blind

Instead of running to you
I'm walking away
I know I still love you
But the past won't let me stay

I can't live with your past
I can't live without your future
I don't know what to do
Will it last or are we through?

I don't want to live with his memories
But they're burned into my heart
I want to believe I'm the one and only
But love for you is nothing but art
How can I live without you
When your picture is everywhere?
How can I erase the pain?
Al I do is just sit and stare

I can't live with your past
I can't live without your future
I've been thinking all night about you
Were you dreaming of him or of me too?

Baby was it wild with him?
Is it real with me?
He painted your sweet canvas
And his dream became a reality

Am I the one who said
You were made of white lace
And how you could never be bold?
Did I bring your mother into it?
To keep you down and under
Minding what you are told
Did I tell you who you are?
Yes my little dove I did
While bringing all the virgins to you
Holding hands and crying
Because they know your pain
I made them feel that way too

I know I'm wrong
But my heart doesn't care
I know I'm wrong
But my bird flew before I was there
I know I'm wrong
But I need your blue sky
I know I'm wrong
It's how I feel but I can't tell you why