A little of dis,
little of dat,
chop-chopped
to tasty portions
perfectly spread
and  contortioned
simmerin' sin
stir-fried jes right.

r 5/31/14

You are
the one
for me
  And
I am
the one
for you

you won't even look at me in school,
but when I show up unannounced
on Sunday mornings with smoothies,
your mom welcomes me in,
you descend the stairs with your graceful, conservative foxtrot of a gait.
you hug me hello and we laugh about things like normal people.
your dad comes in from the yard work to say hello to me,
ask me where I'm headed to college.
everything is the way it should be but
you won't even look at me in school.

Let me ******* explain something to you!
Stop with your sorrys because they don't mean anything!
And you all know they never have!
Let me explain that
Yeah
She was your
Sister
Best friend
Section member
Ex- lover
Band kid
Student
Friend
Team member
Classmate
But ******
She was my girlfriend.
She was the person I loved.
Who I still do love.
So
*******
STOP

Acting like I have no reason
To be upset
That she is gone.

The world just wasn't made for dreamers...
who live in some lost place between
the present and reality
where words are currency
and thoughts buy bread.

stolen kisses last forever
in the porch light.

©Ben Ditmars 2014

I'm not leaving behind loose change
to later find a hundred dollar bill
beneath my skin.

I don’t know what I am
He says I’m just a teenage girl
I may appear that way
In my party dress and pearls

My flowers in my hair
But inside my mind is racing
Filled with horrid thoughts
And hopeless dreams I’m chasing
And all this time I wasting
Dealing with the heartbreak I’m facing
Remembering my mind is tracing
Such pain I am incasing
Because his lips I still am tasting

See I am not just a teenage girl
In my party dress and pearls
I am much more
I’m a wreck
I’m a sucker
I’m broken
I’m hopeless
In this dark lonely world
I am much more than just
A teenage girl.

Not quite sure yet
What I want to be
But so much pressure
Just to get my degree

I’m young and free
Even crazy and wild
Don’t you even dare
To treat me like a child

Though I can’t help but think
Where will I be in 10 years?
Will I finally have courage,
to face my worst fears?

Will I still have my boyfriend,
who I’ve been with?
Do high school sweethearts
exist, or is that just a myth?

Should I go get drunk,
this weekend with my friends?
I got invited to another party
The fun never ends

Wait I’m kind of insecure
About my body and weight
Why am I still awake?
It’s getting pretty late

Yet I still haven’t started
Any of my homework
Who cares anyway though
I mean my teacher’s a ****

I’m under so much pressure
Because I’ve got to graduate
But you try being a teenager
In a world filled with hate

Overthinking killed the teenager
And that teenager is I
Overthinking every thought
And I don’t know *why