the thing that connects us to our high school past
is what we remember
whether its the heat of August
or the cold of December

will it be your high school sweethearts kiss
that you will dearly miss
will it be it be all the fun and romance
that had you caught in a sweet trance

i can tell you now that the memories i will have
will be that of the friends i had
and the way they made me laugh so much
so as for memories and good times
these ones will be such

i really wanna try
i really really do
i just can't face the fact
of disappointing you

i don't know what it is
that makes me just not go
there's always something else
that screws up my entire flow

the face of disappointment
strikes straight through my heart
it takes away my energy
and tears my hope apart

i don't want that again
not for the seventh time
a disappointment for every day of the week
and sadness will be mine

the value of my soul
will fall below zero
and will become unreachable
by any given hero

and darkness will fall upon my diminished sun
then i will remain the disappointing one
and as i lay in this deep and heartless place
i am once again dead upon your disappointed face

I see people alone, and in pain
i see people walking with no name
i see people forgetting what it means to live
forgetting what the good life is

forgetting the taste of apples
forgetting the taste of milk
forgetting the taste of eggs
forgetting how to cook
forgetting warm water
forgetting the meaning of soft
forgetting how to soothe
a troubled persons mind, or heart
living as slaves to their past
and dwelling on dreams of the future
forgetting the strength of the will
forgetting the potential of the heart
forgetting the importance of the soul
forgetting the power of love

only knowing the cold hard floor
only knowing closing doors
only knowing stupid games
only knowing lots of pain, and no gain
only knowing loosing everything
only knowing hurting all the time
only knowing loneliness is inescapable
only knowing violence is inevitable
only knowing people that don't care
only knowing its all unfair
only knowing dying is better than so much suffering
only knowing trying does nothing

not knowing you
not knowing the good you can do
not knowing the lives you can save
not knowing the lives you can change
not knowing that there's someone out there that cares
not knowing there's someone willing to treat your life as it it were theirs
not knowing someone so kind
not knowing someone who wont stab you from behind
not knowing you would be happy to make their day
not knowing someone like you is only a breath away

finding a path they can finally walk
finding someone they can happily be
finding how easy it is to forget the past
finding how easy it is to pursue the dreams of the future
finding out the incredible strength of the will
finding out the endless limits of the heart
finding out the extreme importance of the soul
finding out the infinite power of love
knowing what they can do for you
knowing the good they can do
knowing the lives they can save
knowing the lives they can change
knowing how to care
knowing that their willing to treat your life as if it were theirs
knowing how to be kind
knowing they wont stab you from behind
knowing they would be happy to make you day
knowing that someone they used to be is only a breath away
knowing what to do
knowing how to help the people they used to be
knowing how to be free

whether its living for yourself
living the dream
living for the people
or living for everything

living is being true to yourself
living is being strong
living is having the discipline to listen to yourself
and having the courage to follow along

living is having no regrets
living is being a kind and loving person
living is being a part of everything
and above all
living is giving
and taking is not
living is living
and that
is living

The jester dances
For his king host,
The king host asks the jester,
What makes you different from most?

The jester replies
In an interesting manner,
He bows forward
And taps his head with a hammer,

The king host laughs
then tells the jester to go on,
The king host then whispers to his queen,
Is this jester a *****?

The jester begins to dance
As he says aloud,
I am no more *****
Than wind is cloud

The king host keeps silent
With a puzzled look on his face,
As the jester dances and hops
All over the place,

The jester begins to speak again,
Oh people what you be?
You are what you are
And all that I see,

For look at our king host,
As I have perplexed his mind,
With simple words that I spoke
Not rude but kind,

Oh look a bee!
Look what I see!
So close to me!
So happily free!

Oh king host be as this bee,
Do not be thrown by a simple thing as me,
Oh king host be kind and wise,
For every man comes and dies,
Oh king host finish your war,
Win it with honor but fight no more,
Oh king host know your lands,
There is much to be offered from many hands,

As for me the jester,
I travel to the next king,
And I travel with a smile
As I dance and sing,

look at your smile,

calming the waves
and flattening the seas,
stopping the sky
and all that it sees,

look at your smile,

freezing time
and brightening the day,
taking all the darkness
and sadness away,

while here i  stand,

my body numb
and eyes gazing,
my mind blank
and heart blazing,

while i stand here,

loosing gravity
and feeling no weight,
frozen in time
in this joyous state,

look at your smile,

ending all sounds
and silencing all voices,
altering reality
and changing all choices,

look at your beautiful smile,

more beautiful than the heavens,
more beautiful than land and sea combined,
more beautiful than mother nature,
more beautiful than any creator has ever designed,

my eyes cry a million tears
my heart feels many fears
my mind feels so alone
my life feels like there's nothing left
but im still going
im far from dead
no feelings left to feel
few experiences left to have

i can only think of one more thing
one that isnt so bad
you are my final experience left to be had
you make me happy
you make me sad
you make me feel everything
good and bad

you make me love you!
and its so sad
because you have no idea
and some would walk away
and just say
thats too bad

but ill stay here with you
ill pay my debt to you
and this i will never do
ill never leave you

because nothing can separate me from you
ive got one last thing to do
and that is to fufill my love to you

let the rain drip down your face
let the tears drain all of your fears
let the darkness fall to the floor
and i will make sure that nothing will hurt you anymore

let the wind brush through your hair
let me show you i will always be there
tell me what i must do
to forever be with you

if your friends leave you
and if mine do to
that doesn't mean we cant be true
beyond the end of time

your family might disapprove
and mine might too
this is gonna be difficult for me and you

but ill stay here with you
ill pay my debt to you
and this i will never do
ill never leave you

and on the foggiest days
ill make the skies look blue
and on the darkest nights
ill show you the sunlight

with one wing black
and one wing white
we will live between the dark
and the light

we will live our life
with strength and might
and be in our love
with passion and flight

ill fight for you i swear
ill protect every stand of hair

ill bleed and give you my blood
ill die so you can live life the way you should

ill rest your head on my arm
ill defend you from any kind of harm

ill let you sigh
ill let you cry
ill tell you the truth to every lie

its okay
im here
ill do anything
just dont shed another tear

when it comes to take me away
i want you to run
ill lead it astray
and dont worry
ill come back for you somehow
someday

run!
just go!
you'll be safe
trust me i know

don't be afraid
i'll catch you if you fall
dont falter now
ill let nothing touch you
nothing at all

i already told you you'll be safe
so just go
but as for me
i really dont know

i promised him
i'd bring you back safe
don't you see
my love for you doesn't matter anyway
yours is the only life that matters now
your getting out of here
it doesn't matter how
im gonna die here
but my love for you wont
my love will protect you
dont push it away, please dont

your gonna make it out today
and im gonna stay and die
i wouldn't have it any other way
because any other way i'd have to see you cry

as the bombs fall from the sky
i am close to my friends
i don't want to see them die

the birds in the sky
drop forces of fire and destruction
of hate and horror
walls of fire and air
that push and burn the innocent
we run with the urge to shout and scream
but we cant
we try to push out the fear
but it wont leave
we stop under shelter
I'm shaking

I'm shocked to see such terrible beauty in the sky
i never thought id feel this feeling that i might die
I"m afraid of never getting the chance to say goodbye

i have to get to my family
i have a feeling of where they are
i have to leave my friends
i will see them again in the ranks
a dear friend and mother figure gives me direction
before i set on my way
i got to tell her goodbye
but my friends didn't say goodbye today

I'm scared
i know i have to be strong
but its so hard
and i have so far to go
i don't know if I'll make it
but i know i have to try
because who is this person I've tried to be my whole life
if i don't act on what is right?

and then it all ends

I am the faceless man.
I listen to the earth, yet i cannot hear it.
I watch the earth yet i cannot see it.
I feel the earth, though i cannot touch it.
For faceless i may be, but a man i remain,
And man has yet to clean what they stain.
Thus i remain faceless
And ageless with time.
For this faceless face is mine,
and faceless is who i am...
I am the faceless man.

speak to me
for i no longer speak
my eyes are restless
my heart is weak

my life is a realm
which stands at the helm
of the worthless dead
whom live inside my head

do not break in
leave me be
to all that my weary
restless eyes see

let all that my heart
cannot hold back
rise from the death
and corruptively attack

and like gods among the wrath of the earth
let their power free
and cause such devastation
that only devastation can be

I am ugly,
A useless wreckage of man,
Though I cry
None offer their hand,

None really care
For the dirt on which they walk,
Dirt such as me,
Maggots that can talk,

But do not have
What is called a voice,
Many things to want
But barely given choice,

Of all that I am
I am overweight,
I feel so disgusting
As I’m eating from this plate,

I feel my empty heart
Carrying an empty hole,
Looking for the comfort
That discomfort stole,

I am ashamed
Of being exactly me,
I am an utter disappointment
That disappointed eyes see,

It would fix nothing
By living or dying,
It seems my only ability
Is to sit here crying,

Worthless hearts
Were never meant to be,
So does that mean
A worthless heart is...
...is me?

The walls are cracked
They’re stained with water
Don’t try fixing it
Just don’t even bother

The sinks don’t work
The pipes are always leaking
All the beds creak
I don’t even try sleeping

The doors won’t close
The handles won’t stay
The grass won’t grow
It just rots away

Every window is broken
If not shattered
Its always so cold
As if it ever mattered

All the paint is chipping off
All the wood is breaking apart
It reminds me of my wounded body
It reminds me of my broken heart

It reminds me of myself
Of what I’ve come to see
That this broken home
Is a reflection of me

go to bed
go to sleep
go to school
don't weep

follow the rules
don't disobey
do what we want
or you'll be cast away

get good grades
learn what we choose
don't follow your heart
or else you'll lose

the world is not nice
it's completely cruel
don't fight it
don't be a fool

i am older so i am smarter
you are younger so you are dumber
because to us
you are just another bar code

we are your owners
you obey our command
we created you
we brought you into this land

we can destroy you
we can unplug you from the wall
no one else is in control
no one at all

Life can seem so still sometimes,
So silent to itself,
So distant from only you
And close to everyone else,

So lonely on a quiet day,
Especially without the rain,
No sounds to hear
And remind you of love or pain,

That’s true loneliness...
Having nothing at all,
No happiness, nor sorrow,
No true love to recall,

No warmth, no cold,
Not even a breeze,
At times
I just drop to my knees

And I beg,

I beg for feeling,
Good or bad,
It doesn’t matter
Because neither I’ve had,

And when feeling doesn’t come,
And nothingness remains all that I know,
Nothingness becomes my heart…
And nothingness becomes my soul…

why can't family be family again
we used to always be friends
we used to huddle together
whenever we got scared
we felt the warmth in one anothers arms
because we knew the love was there

we used to build forts out of whatever we had in our rooms
and wage sars
throwing pillows, books, and brooms

we used to have mini mosh pits
with just the four of us
we headbanged and pushed
we screamed and pretended to cuss

we used to protect eachother
we used to defend one another
we used to stand together like brothers and sister
when mom punished us we would all resist her

we used to be a family
a family that would always care
we used to be a family with more happiness than despair
we used to be a family that never hogged food or air
we used to be a family that told eachother we were there

we used to be a family
a family that sat down toghether and ate
we used to be a family full of our own ideas that we create
we used to be a family that got along without debate
we used to be a family with more love than hate

so why can't family be family again
and remember why those times were so good
why can't family be family again
and treat eachother the way we should

why can't family be family again
and throw the hate away
why can't family be family again
and invite the love to stay

Dad.
I want to tell you how much I love you,
So here is my way to express,
how much I appreciate you,
I will do my best.

I know it may sometimes seem like I forget you're there,
Or like sometimes you are just talking to air,
Or that you haven't influenced my life whatsoever,
But Dad that will never be true, NEVER.

You will never leave my heart,
You will never leave my head,
You will always be a part of me,
Even after You're dead,

You won't leave me alone now,
You've never left me alone before,
It's the reason I'm the man I am today,
So I hope to hear from you even more,

I don't mean to take you for granted,
I don't mean to ignore your calls,
I'm sorry if it seems that way,
That's not what I want at all,

I love you so much dad,
I hope that you're with me forever,
I want you there at my worst,
and I want you there at my better,

I'm one of your children,
and we all love you so much,
I hope one day we can take care of you
Just as you have taken care of us.

I love you dad.        Marky

R** is for Respect,
This is how poets connect,
The poet’s dialect
Can collect the respect of many,
For any poets word is as good as any.

H is the Hymn,
The poet’s song within,
The rhythm of the heart
Which moves words to start,
A song that not even time can tear apart.

Y is the poet’s Yearning
No poet experiences loss without learning
Sadness is a powerful source with which to write,
Just as is happiness amidst the light,
The poetry of sadness can be a beautiful sight.

M is the Melody
The poem’s intended telling,
The beat on which the poem is dwelling,
Intensity! Passion!
Soothing, or old fashioned.

E is the Energy
Each word’s driving force,
The poet’s personal source
For each word that is written or said,
The unimaginable place that is the poets head.

If ever you are in pain
you can always call my name

if ever your heart runs out of time
just ask and ill give you mine

If ever you choose to send me away
ill leave in body but in spirit ill stay

If ever the word love loses meaning to you
there is only one thing ill do
ill still love you

there was a girl
back when i was in kindergarten
i remember her now
but i knew her then

her name was Ivy
and she was my best friend
there were great possibilities
but one day it all came to an end

she moved away
i didn't know what to do
because i didn't understand
and neither would you

i was only five
how could i understand what this was
all i knew was that the wind blew
i never though about what it does

all i know is that she left
but i never knew where
but in my heart
i can still feel the love she planted there

i remember that she was the most popular girl in the school
but she chose to hang out with me
she didn't care if i was cool
because there were no two greater friends than we
everyone treated me like a fool
but not Ivy
because to her i was no tool
i was just as equal as she

That silent moment,
when midnight hits,
everybody locked in lips,
eyes closed lost in touch,
beer, shots, friends its such
a happy moment to see,
minds filled with ecstasy
but none for me,
no silent bliss,
no taste of lips,
no glow after the New Year's kiss,
but boy was I nervous,
I probably would have missed,
I kept telling myself "I'm ready for this"
and my heart was beating so ******* fast,
but the moment came,
and then it passed,
I wanted it to last a little bit longer,
if only I could have just been stronger,
I might not be waiting any longer
for her to accept my lonely lips,
I guess I have to wait for next New Year's kiss

i see the grass covered in dead leaves
it looks sad
tainted in a way
the grass seems to be dying
the scene holds such a still silence

the trees hang over with thousands of naked arms curving down
its almost as if they're pouring all of their sadness,
all their sorrows,
and all their tragedy into the ground
and seeping into the entirety of the earth
straight to its very heart
and gently slicing into its soul

making the ground weak
untrustworthy
and all are fearful of a dark cloudy day
because what is left to trust
if the ground falls apart and the sun and the sky are no longer here for us?
and family and friends are no use because they're afraid as well

so what will the world come to when sadness, fear, and sorrow come to seize us all?
what will the passing days and years go by as?
tragedies?
failures?
disappointments?
will all the world sink into the cracks in the ground,
and crumble into an eternal oblivion?
that we may finally meet that which we are all destined to face
something so unavoidable,
so inevitable,
so undeniable,
the most expected moment of our lives.

the end of all things.

hmm...
must be beautiful.

Valentine’s Day is coming to an end,
And i spent it alone and without my best friend,
So I am saddened and heartbroken to say,
Alone is how I spent another valentine’s day,

Again I got nothing,
No candy, card, or balloon,
I got to spend another valentine’s day
All alone in my room,

I laid alone all day in my bed,
Holding the heart that I most dread,
And again I got to realize and see,
Who would want someone ugly as me?

I’ve never had a valentine,
No girl to ever and call mine,
And I am just another ugly soul
That scares off the young and wards off the old,

But my fragile heart
Has never meant any harm,
I’m just an ugly duckling
On a sad little farm,

No one has ever liked me,
No one I know of at least,
I just feel like all people see
Is an ugly scary beast,

I want a valentine
At least once in my sad life,
Something besides a gun
Or a ****** knife,

So the day is almost at an end,
And today I have no message to send,
Maybe my valentine will come someday,
But for now my lonely heart is here to stay,

I see a falling feather
And were it not for this weather
I could keep its beauty in my eye

Its thrown back and forth
Pulled south and north,
Its dancing in the sky

It dances with grace
Its light lights my face
Oh how I wish I could fly

But I cannot
My arms are all I’ve got
And now I must say goodbye

i am not afraid of crashing in a plane
i am not afraid of drowning in the rain

i am not afraid of gangsters in the night
i am not afraid of bullies or a fight

i am not afraid of burning in a fire
i am not afraid of electricution by wire

i am afraid that my last words will be i wish i had
i am afraid that in my lifetime
i will have done less good than bad

i am afraid of my brother going to war
i am afraid that when he leaves
ill wish i had loved him more

i am afraid of not giving enough to those i love
i am afraid of not giving all that i can give
i am afraid of dying
knowing ill only be remembered for all the bad things i did

i am afraid that nobody will care when i'm gone
i am afraid that life wont be very long
i am afraid of being forgotten as easily as a song
i am afraid of never knowing what i did wrong

i am afraid that my life will have never made a difference
i am afraid of my loved ones hurting for even one day
i am afraid of their hope fading away
i am afraid of their life and love going a different way

mother don't get up
your still in pain,
let us fight them,
the ones destroying your name,

the ones ripping out your hair ,
the ones cutting your skin,
the ones taking your air,
the ones killing you within,

mother let us be your guardians,
lend us your sword and shield,
give us the power
that only you can wield

we shall hunt them down,
the ones who think they have all the power,
and when the window opens
we will make our strike within the hour

archers ready!
infantry hold fast!
cavalry ready!
we have come to it at last!

a moment in time
felt only by a generation,
the rushing power
to overcome a nation,

the shaking urge
to charge and fight,
the strength to conquer,
and we found it over night,

for the dead that are sleeping,
for the children that are weeping,
for the sky that is crying,
for our home that is dying,
for our world in pain,
nothing will be in vain!

for you mother,
our protector,
our Queen,
rest now,
we will fight
while you stray off into a dream

Her body
her mind,
surreal,
sublime,

her heart pounding presence,
life's luminescence,
her soul seizing eyes,
the essence of the skies,

if only i could touch her,
hold her in my arms,
caress her body,
revel in her charm,

her scent renders my mind senseless,
a smile that leaves my heart defenseless,
her touch tingles my every nerve,
the most beautiful voice I've ever heard,
and in one word i cannot describe
the feeling i feel so deep inside,
through my soul, through my mind,
to a universe apart,
she is,
the quintessence of my heart.

Life is something meant to be lived
Living is just another way to give
Giving ensures kindness will be returned
And kindness is better given not earned

Fear is something not to be afraid of
Being afraid doesn’t leave room for love
Loving means there is no hate
And hating can destroy a beautiful fate

Strength helps to create confidence
Confidence helps to gain common sense
Common sense helps you to know what to do
And knowing what to do creates confidence within you

You are the one who must make a choice
Choosing means that you have an inner voice
Your inner voice is what dictates who you are
And who you are will take you nowhere or somewhere far

If you are afraid to fall then you'll fall because you are afraid
You may believe all you strength has gone but it has always stayed
If you believe in yourself then nothing will stop you at all
And you will be invincible because you choose not to fall

in the darkness
a figure lit by an extremely dim light presents itself
with a fading hand
it summons the spirits of my life
faces from my much sorrowed past appear
as every tear falls from my eyes
i feel guilt and shame
a shadow of sadness clutches me
i try to hold onto those i no longer have
but they just slip away like sand in the wind
and all that is left of them are faceless memories

I'm the kind of guy that likes to lay in the grass
and stare at the sky
no matter what time of day it is,

I let my mind wander to far off places,
I think about the things that are the most beautiful to me,
the starry night sky,
a thunderous rain storm,
the eyes of a woman,

These thoughts loom in my mind for hours upon hours,
thoughts of adventure,
thoughts of love, of passion,
I fashion day dreams & fantasies in my imagination,
and I revel in the aesthetic pleasure
of these realities in my mind.

this dark side of my mind
that i cannot leave behind
will never let me go
because i am plagued by the thought
that i am not
the person that i should be
and though i try
and smile and lie
my heart still fails me

and despite all the help
and hope
that all my friends and family give
i can't bring my self to deal with
or cope
telling them how i truly live

so i smile and say I'm fine
but truly I'm in love
with the thought of my own disaster
that i can't stop thinking of

and the saddest thing i see
is in the mirror so ugly
so terrible such a thing
it can't find love
it can't find worth
nothing, for the table, to bring

but the hardest part is figuring out how to live
this thing called a life that i would so willingly give

i wasn't told or was unaware
that i could grasp
or enclose or ensnare
the possibility of happiness
the feeling i feel i have failed to truly feel
i feel i haven't felt many things that are really real
my happiness is the one thing my darkness is able to steal
i must find a way to fight it
or i will never truly heal

the rhyme has to be on time
like a fight
you gotta hit just right
wether in the day or night
either way its gotta be tight
your fist must take flight
when you hit at the height
of your strength
with posture and length
and it smashes and crashes
into the face of the human race
where you leave your mark
and then you embark
on a road where you sold
your shame for honor
a time when you honestly thought you were a goner
and then in the long years to pass
your body will one day return to the grass
and your memory will live in infamy and time
to the days where your memory will be so great and so sublime
so that when your rhyme continues to age
you'll be set upon the stage
before the gates of heaven
and on the 59th minute of eleven
just one minute before the end
you'll have one more message to send
and as the seconds are counting down
with eyes and immortality watching all around
you look up from the ground
you hear not a sound
and as the last second fades away
you open your moth to say...

I wonder what it’s like to live for someone,
I could give it a try,
To live in their name,
And even to die,

I wonder if I could live in the forest,
Survive on what it wants to give,
Breathe for every day,
What an interesting way to live,

I wonder about the ocean,
Absorb the sun and the sea,
Travel the world,
Be completely free,

I wonder about the clouds,
Spread my wings and fly,
Be like a bird
Soaring through the sky,

I wonder

Please take me away from my mind,
Let me leave everything behind
and shut every door to my heart,
freeze my soul like a work of art,
forever frozen and alone through time,
numb and dead but beautiful and sublime.

Here I am once again lying in the ***** street,
Waiting for someone I know I may never meet,
Wasting my time with things like hope and belief,
Looking for a savior or a source of relief,
Walking with a shadow with a mind of its own,
Opening scars that have been many times re-sown,

My soul and my heart have left,
I can breathe in and out at best,
Defeat has been imprinted on my ugly face,
And I wear the crown of this dead and gone place,
My home has become the cold wind and the freezing rain,
My best friends have become the cold shoulder and constant pain,

This heart that I have lost has completely become my shame,
And all the while I count my loss I slowly forget my name,
You can speak to me upon the street and there is nothing I would do,
For if we really were to ever meet I would not remember you,
And all these faceless memories crawling in my skin,
Will soon totally consume me from within,
And air will cease to destroy all that I have in this earth,
And life will die and I will no longer let air cast its curse,

its possible that forever
a brighter day can shine
even if its no day for me
ita a day brighter than mine

a brighter day for someone
but i cannot tell you who
because i cannot tell the future
but i can show it to you

the soulful food i give
so i can simply live
is for a heart not settled
and beaten and belittled

a plate of sadness
of anger and of love
such passion
so much passion

passion of the romantics
the oh so hopeless romantics
the ones that live for love
and breathe despair without it

but need despair nonetheless
and walk a miserable happiness
a happily miserable life
felt to be ****** to the blessed

thus are the insane aspirations and antics
of the oh so hopeless romantics

Dear lover,
have you met me?
i'm your man,
i'm your fantasy,

Oh lover,
where have you been?
please don't go,
i'll miss you again,

my friend,
my baby,
my sweet little pea,
my half,
my light,
my compass at sea,

Please lover,
stay with me,
don't wander the world
alone and unhappy,

My lover,
my muse,
my creature of lust,
my drug,
my dream,
my angel of trust,

And so I am lost in the innumerable pleasure of lust and passion. Two bodies, steaming and melding one another into a single being. Experiencing each other in the highest form of ecstasy, the likes of which cannot possibly be replicated in any other way. It is an ensemble of energy exploding in all directions in a colorful blaze. Our minds reduced to our baser instincts of ****** attraction and animalistic nature. Ending in an explosion of pleasure that softly carries you on a cloud into the land of dreams.

If the clear blue sky
And the stars of night,
Could combine together,
Then the sleep of stars
And the color of light,
Will have made the perfect weather,

Such weather in which
The sun and the moon,
Stop in the hour of twilight,
An hour in which
The creatures of day and night
Take flight,

The perfect hour
Extended until the end of time,
The perfect weather
In which I may take your hand with mine,

An ambient moment
To tell you one thing,
Under the twilight in the sky
And the winds that sing,

I will love you beyond the stars,
Beyond the oceans sleeping in the sky,
Beyond the light no shadow can touch,
Even beyond life after I happily die,

There is nothing like stepping outside on a chill morning
& standing barefoot in the dewy grass
with my eyes closed against the rising sun.

The light piercing my eyelids fills my vision with a calming sunset red
that perfectly visualizes the feeling of the softly warm sun rays
blanketing my skin as the morning breeze paints my body
with a fine chilled brush.

I feel each patient beat of my heart
singing a song with the morning birds,
the flowing river & the dancing trees.

The sweet melody satiates me with serenity
& if only for a moment,
I am happy.

my hearts tower has been struck
my face is crawling with tears
my voice is stuck
frozen be my worst fears

one million tons of weight
coming down at once
leaving me in a state
of disbelief and distrust

people are falling on the ground
and screaming in pain
their falling all around
again and again

smoke in the air
black as night
dust is everywhere
blurry and white

im running away
a rock falls and almost breaks my knee
i hit the floor
then a guy falls next to me
rocks are falling everywhere
and the guy looks at me and says
what a terrible place to be
i'm surprised i'm not dead
i didn't reply
i looked back thinking
i wish i could just die
my heart hurts
my will is shrinking

a gigantic black cloud
is charging my way
its thundering and loud
if only i could blow this one away

people run
but i choose to stay
it may not be a good choice
but i think its better this way

fear is how i fall
and i have fallen
i will soon be dead
but this i do not dread
for it is not fear of death that caused this event
it is the hateful acts of terror that have been sent
they have violently struck the core of my heart
i can't take it, it's tearing me apart
please don't take this from me
i may not die happy
but at least i won't suffer
for what would seem like an eternity

fear is how i fall
and i have fallen

I woke up to my brain having a deathmatch with my skull,
It shouldn't be possible to be this young and feel this old,
I need a cure before I fall over and die,
and all I can do is ask my self why oh why oh why
did I try to drink the whole world away?
**** me, surely I could have made a better decision yesterday.

I don't know where on earth I've ended up,
there are lots of empty bottles and red solo cups,
where are the clothes I was wearing last night?
The clothes I'm wearing are way too tight,
Where are my keys? Where is my wallet? Where is the door?
**** me, I can't do this **** anymore.

My brain is at war and my flesh and bones are dying,
I'm just going to lay in this hot shower and start crying,
trying to remember what I did the night before,
hoping I have no more regrets in store,
why do I always have to give in to my friends?
**** me, I'm probably going to end up right back here again.

i give my friends advice
advice that i don't even follow myself
i always try to be nice
as im in this living hell

i have an image for my friends
and its the only one i let them see
because the other one is too disappointing
and its always talking to me

it says things like
haha thats a lie!
you don't even know why!
don't you just wanna cry!
why don't you just give up and DIE!

you don't even know what to say
you'll get rejected every single day
your always gonna get pushed away!
you can try but you'll fail anyway!

my lifes future events
and stupid plans
have me sad and alone
thinking of a girl with whom i could still be holding hands
but she doesn't care about me
she can't see the things i see

i can see all that we can be
but she can't
because she's too busy being free
and i had hope that we would get back together
but now its not very likely

does anybody really care about me
when did i become such an easy person to forget
when did my life lose quality
sometime i think giving up is my best bet

sometimes i don't care
sometimes i don't feel like being fair
sometimes i care about who, why or where
sometimes i just want people outta my hair

sometimes i just want to cuss people out
i want to tell them i have it worse without a doubt
i want to sock them in the face
i want to put them in their place

but i never do these things i just let the tension build up in my brain
and then i forget about it all
then later i do it again

im just too weak to do anything about it
but the hate keeps breeding in my mind
and i can't live without it
im wrapped in an unbreakable bind

you know there is something I've been meaning to say
and it's been prying on my mind every day

why do you feed me all of this crap
and why do you try it every day
if there is one thing i know it's that
your words don't mean a thing anyway

what do you do
that gives you the right to say these things
what blocks your mind
from all the bad this brings

why do your criticize me and call me a perfect child
when all i am is kind
and why do you say you've done the same
when you just stab people from behind

you were once a sweet little kid
whose smile could bring back the dead
but now your just an ugly person
and your smile is one that i dread
you were just so nice
i couldn't hurt a hair on your head
but now i find it's become harder for me to sleep
every time i go to bed
i wish we could be friends
but i guess you'd rather be enemies instead

and that's perfectly fine
i won't fight against your beliefs
i'll just stay stronger to mine
and know that this battle won't be brief
but it can end whenever you want
and i won't feel any remorse
because it will all be your fault

i've already predicted
every word your gonna say
so before you try it i want you to know
your words don't mean a thing anyway

what i mean is
you have no one to take your side
and every time you speak
it's just the same old boring ride

you haven't effected anyone's life
you haven't changed anyone's mind
all you've proven to me
is that your deaf, dumb and blind

so let me make something very clear

i will stay in control of my life
i will influence my own mind
and if you wanna tag along
you'll have to leave your pride behind

I remember when I was just a small boy,
Playing with my yellow Tonka toy,

I would pay no attention to all the death in the streets,
I just listened to the comforting sound of my mommas heart beats,

I didn’t care what anyone said to me because I was only a child,
I was always restless, energetic, and wild,

But I was also very sweet, cute, and kind,
The thought of hurting another never came into my mind,

I used to make up the craziest fantasies in my head,
“I always loved hearing your stories” as my mother said,

I would give her two hugs and two kisses every night before I went to bed,
And then she would tuck me in and give me one more kiss on my head,

After she left I would shout goodnight to my sister and my two brothers,
And then I went to sleep with the soothing warmth that was my mothers,

Oh the dear pain and agony
Keeps always haunting me
The reality of pain
Returns once again

The heart and bullet
The gun and brain
Pull it
And let blood fall in rain

End a life
Or take yours
Choose a path
Pick one of the doors

Your eyes or ears
Your head or chest
Your demons or fears
Your worst or best

Something you love
Will be taken from you
And you cannot resist
There is nothing you can do

It could be death that comes
Or the bullet of a gun
Or a man on the street
Or even your loved one

Nonetheless you will receive
The cruelty of death
And you will not be granted
Your one final breath.

stop pushing me down
stop holding me to the ground
let me stand on my own two feet
when i get up i hope its the devil i meet
because im gonna get up strong
im gonna get up right
this wont take long

im getting up with a fist in my left hand
and a hammer in my right
im gonna be smashing the devil all day
im gonna be smashing him all night
but i suppose i should be thankful
because the devil gave me hate
something to let loose
somethin with which to devastate

nothing will break my path
i tear down the road with wrath
my dreams can't be shattered
broken, beaten, or battered
everything in my way will be killed
nothing and no one is stronger willed

I live between the darkness and the light
I am no angel of heaven
or demon of the night

i do not **** for pleasure or smiles
i do not save lives for rewards that stretch for miles
i do not hide in secret because of fear or defeat
there are reasons why i run and retreat

to most i am evil
i am the devil within
to most i am the devil himself
i am each and every sin

they are wrong

i cannot be defined
my life cannot be waved off and signed
i cannot be controlled
i am driven be the fury of the warriors of old

there was a time when wars were fought with sword and shield
and such a power that made their enemies yield
lives weren't saved out of simple care
they were saved for the good of everyone everywhere
their hope was always hanging on the tip of a string
but they knew the future can be changed by even the smallest thing
and even though life barely hung by a thread
they lived and fought as long as they weren't dead

I am the rain
I am still with movement
I am the wind
I change mood but never feeling

I am the tree
I sway in wind and in silence
I am the water
I am in chaotic peace

I am the stillness
Nothing to show or prove
I am life and death
I come and I go

I am the heart
I give life as well as death
I am who I am
I can’t change nor take that away