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If I really shut up and think about it, I am so lucky to have my boyfriend.
Because I am not a ray of sunshine all the time, usually my hair is a mess and so is my face, smeared makeup and adult acne.
And yet, he thinks I'm beautiful.
He always makes sure I get enough sleep,
and asks if there's anything he can do while I'm at work.
His friends think I'm cool because I don't mind if they come over and play video games for hours, but they always smoke their **** with me.
My best friend is my boyfriend, and I'm his too.
We trust each other so much that it isn't even a question, when I get home from my third shift job we have breakfast and then fall asleep til noon.
I love him and he loves me.
What else could a girl want.
In a field of golden Sun flower with eyes as black as night. A single plant opens its golden petals and an Iris of ghostly white. Among all of the other flowers, it stands alone. It gives a pause to all who see it and a wonder why it is different and alone. None of the other flowers seem to pay it any mind, as they all reach for the sun, but none reflects the light, like the different one. As people come by, they stop to look to see the different Sun Flower, many wonder why can this be. The flower notices the stares as it sits alone different from the others but the same in all other ways. It then ponders the question, why it was made this way. Perhaps it is a random thing, or for greater scheme. It is not just about me, but all of the flowers it would seem. Before the flower bloomed with the white Iris you see, people would pass by the flowers, but not really stop and see. Now the whole field is seen, so perhaps being different is not such a bad thing.
I want to "unbreak" your heart, to steal all the hurt
I want to look for every lost piece if you let me please
I want to scour the floor and sweep every corner
so that I can gather all the pieces I shattered
and steadily and carefully locate where each piece fits
on the puzzle of your big broken heart
I want to unbend the crooked by the impact
and fold those straightened curves to bring her shape back
I can't make the cracks totally disappear
but I wish I could, I want to weld the spaces with hot friendship
to lock out the air of doubt and despair
I want to incinerate the bad memories with fire of my passion
so that you won't remember the same fire burnt you
I also want to paint the welded whole with the crimson if romance
so that placed back on the shelf of reality
you can be purchased by someone you deserve
someone who'll appreciate your sacrifices
the absurdity & melancholy hidden underneath the coating
I so much want to heal all the wounds and the scars
I don't know whether you will let me in or shut the doors
but whatever you do, I deserve it for causing you pain
I want to be an adulteration that cures its malady
because I'm remorseful for what happened
I didn't have a voice- theirs were enough
I didn't reach for connections- their touch was enough
I didn't smile at the sun- their happiness took up all of the room
I didn't listen to silly stories- their tales were enough
I was labeled- freak

now their wheeling me away


blue and white lights dance in the street
facing the sky
I listen to their silence- finally
I smile- for myself
I touch my hand to the rhythm of my heart beat- I'm alive
I finally whisper, "I'm free"
its been way too long since I wrote a poem- and honestly I think this is very rusty, but at least its something I guess.
I sit in the steaming hot water naked and vulnerable, both mentally and physically  to blemishes accumulated on me.
The mental thoughts race back and forth between  my eyes playing and rewinding  back through mistakes I have made.
Remembering the wrong paths that dramatically  changed my history.
As the water rises I feel the anxiety inside my chest making me hyperventilate profusely.
I close my eyes plunging my face into the water, feeling my hair floating over me.
Staying under as I feel the anguish of the misconceptions of my life fall off of me.
coming up as if awakening from the dead, while ceaselessly  stepping out of the ***** water leaving it behind.
I peer into the mirror inhaling the air surrounding.
Slowly wrapping my arms tightly around my body, letting the women in the mirror know I except her.
Telling her I will always love and fight for her.
I have always dreamt of a lover
whose complexion teases mine
with its darkness
that sun-kissed muscular
physique

I have always dreamt of a lover
whose arms embrace me
pull my pieces together
after I myself have been shattered

I have always dreamt of a lover
who will "woo me with his words" (quoted)
as I fall into slumber after a drunken night

I have always dreamt of a lover
who will draw me and curve my silhouette
into the most beautiful muses

I have always dreamt
isn't that the best
part?
An eccentric free spirit
A major let down, no one understands the blunt sounds
A neighborhood built up by the ****** society, half naked puffed out chests
I'd rather pick my lilacs and dance to Joan Jett then deal with their meetings
I will celebrate my homemade life with a button stating,
"Save the wine who cares about the rest"
Freedom from the voices that screech
Yes I know you're  not quite sure what I'm saying
If kisses were raindrops,
I'd send you showers.
If hugs were seconds,
I'd give you hours.
If smiles were water,
I'd send you the sea.
And if love were a person,
I'd send you me.
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