You taught me how to love, but never how to be loved.
You showed me the beauty of trust; the bond of friendship.
You were never mine, but I yours.
You weren't my first kiss, and you won't be my last.
But, you were my first love.
My first real, true, deep love.

I don't even know if you realize how much I love you.
Or if you ever will.

We haven't spoken in months, almost a year.

You voice has faded,
Your laugh is gone,
Your smile is lost,
Your embrace has vanished.

Yet, my love for you remains untouched.

It always seems to come back to you.

You ******* me up real good, without even realizing it.

I wonder when I realized I loved you.

Was it when I couldn't breathe while in a room with you, but I couldn't imagine being anywhere else?

Was it when we were young, simply enjoying each others company?

Or was it when I realized the interactions I had with you - no matter how short or how long - were what got me through the day?

You.

It was always you.

I admitted today that if I was to wait for anyone to fall for me, it would be you - and only you.

I've tried hating you.
I've tried letting go.
I've tried forgetting you.
I've tried moving on.
Believe me, I've tried.

But for some reason, I always come back to you.

If you could see me now you'd tell me I'm crazy.
But maybe you're right.
You make me crazy.

I miss you more than you know.
More than you should be allowed to miss someone.

You were always my favorite "hello" and hardest "goodbye".

I used to be angry at you - resentful even that you left.

You started the patterns of goodbyes.

But I'm not mad anymore.
I just hope you're happy now... wherever life has taken you.

Because, you taught me how to love..

Once you were so sweet
you had a gorgeous smile
once you played guitar
I stayed there for a while

heaven opened up
you owned the place
slipping away so slowly
now its hell I taste

The memories of all that we shared
can't be forgotten, can't be compared
will I recover, oh I'm so scared
my heart full of rain and
your the one to blame

Oh, you never tried
the more that I knew, the more I died
do you have no shame
just shatter my pride
and your the one to blame

am I a fool, waiting around for you?
when I know its something you'd never do.
you pushed my love aside, that's something I cant abide
And your honestly the one to blame...

Scribbling away on my walls,
have I gone insane locked up in doors?
your the one to blame

why did you hurt me so?
you always had to be in control
never letting me In, just letting yourself win.
what did I do, why can't you love me
am I invisible, cant you see?

Oh, you never tried
more that I knew, the more I died
I got a reason now to bury you alive
What do you think about that?

I don't think ill be OK
I can't believe, you could treat me this way
I do believe, you didn't try to stay

I don't think ill be all right
AND YOUR THE ONE TO BLAME.

I'm tired of being mad.*
You walked out my life and I blamed myself for it. I blamed myself for alot of the things you chose to do. You chose to walk out of my life and you chose to use herion.  I had nothing to do with those decisions. I hate to call you a terrible father but you are... you constantly lie to me, you always talk to me about selling drugs, you don't support me, you rarely call me, you weren't there for my birth and you don't even know that I lost my virginity. I wrote this in hopes to forgive you but i'm realizing that i'm not ready to forgive you. I just feel like if you really wanted to be in my life you would try harder to be in it but if not well, *I don't chase after anyone so if you wanna walk out my life, i'll hold the door open for you.

Mrs. Claus was at the door
Making sure that Santa knew
He had to see the doctor
He must be there by two

Santa gruffed and grumbled
Said there's too much to be done
"You know I hate the doctor"
"The doctor's just no fun"

Mrs. Claus held fast and said
"You do this every year"
"and you always have a new excuse"
"when the appointment time is near"

Santa, said he'd do it
Although, it was done under duress
He could run an elven workshop
But the doctor, was more stress

He made it to the office
At two, precisely on the nose
The first thing the nurse said was
"Santa, take off all your clothes"

"You know we have to weigh you"
"It's in the contract that you signed"
"A little extra weight shift"
"Could get the sleigh all misaligned"

The scale said way past jolly
He was twenty pounds past plump
He was just below horrendous
Santa Claus was one fat lump

The doctor read the clipboard
And made a tsk tsk tsking sound
He said "Santa, you're much bigger"
"You're almost 5 full feet around"

"I have with me a letter"
"That the vet asked me to read"
"It says unless you drop some blubber"
"Four more reindeer you will need"

"Now, every story book out there"
"Names eight reindeer in line"
"And since you hired Rudolph"
"A lot have you with nine"

"But the vet now says you need thirteen"
"To get up in the sky"
"You've got to change your diet"
"Santa, please lay off the pie"

"I'm not saying all at once"
"But, you've got to drop some weight"
"Or, you'll be dropping gifts by plane"
"And you'll still be over weight"

Santa tried a little laugh,
Not a full out ** ** **
Truth be told, he'd lose his breath
He knew the weight would have to go

He got down off the table
Put on his hat, and Santa Suit
He looked as red as ever
When he tried to reach his boot

The doctor said "Good God Man"
"You can't go up like that"
Santa said "I'm fine doc"
"The kids want a Santa that is fat"

"There's a difference between jolly"
"Like the elf you're supposed to be"
"But Santa, count your chins man,"
"I lose count at twenty three"

"The elves are under orders"
"Not to load the magic sleigh"
"Until you commit to weight loss"
"And you promise right away"

"I know that you are Santa"
"And for this I may get coal"
"But, your wife, Santa...she scares me"
"She said she'd put me in a hole"

"Santa, lose some poundage"
"Give it just a little try"
"It's not right...thirteen reindeer"
"Flying through the Christmas sky"

"I know it's confidential"
"what has happened here today"
"But, Santa...I will tell her"
"If you don't...and right away"

Santa, said he'd try to
He said "just tell me what to do"
"Truth be told there doctor"
"The woman scares me too!!!"