Find me in your thoughts late at night,
You can't forget about me,
I stuck with you.
I was the lover and the giver,
And I kissed your forehead when you cried
And I never let you down for a minute, I was always around,
But we were just friends that ****.

I got your favorite candy on the way to the movies and I touched your heavenly cheeks before they turned down the lights,
I never spoiled the plot because I know you like surprises,
And I held your hand when you pretended you weren't scared,
But we were just friends that ****.

You walked me to my car and you grabbed my hips,
And I moved with your body and I loved every second of it.
I closed my eyes and soaked in every word you would whisper,
Like you were telling me a prophecy in my backseat,
But we were just friends that ****.

Now I smoke and take long drives alone,
And your real girl's your bed, and you love her, I know, you keep telling me.
And I don't know what I did wrong,
I think about it all the time,
You moved your attention away and I couldn't keep you off my mind,
And I wanted to be your real girl so badly,
I get a pain in my chest just when you wave hi to me.
Just a passerby, passing by me.
I don't know know why you even meant so much,
For god's sake, we were just friends that ****!

Then the heart asked my mind a question,
Or, well the softer part of me, to the more reasonable one
For how long, do you think, this one wound can bleed
My mind, unsure, haughtily said
You held on it, way longer than he did
The pieces of my heart cringed under
The voice holding the ultimate truth
As the frozen memories of him
Came rushing back
I know it is so,
But these hands never learnt to let go
The hands looked flustered,
Their voices timid with the brewing anger
Replied "neither did you, heart. Neither did you."
And stop pretending
You're the only who holds grievance,
At least you don't stay up
Writing about the lines on his palm,
All these poems,
He never bothered to throw a short glance

****
isn't always dark alleys
and whistles
and pepper spray.
It isn't always
a stranger,
they don't always
look dangerous.
Whether it is
your boyfriend
or your teacher
or your uncle,
they are no longer on your side.
This is your attacker.
Do not be silent.
Do not be afraid to make a scene.
Whether it is a movie theatre
or a street corner
or your bedroom,
yell,
scream,
curse,
bite,
spit,
let no resonate from your lungs
so they cannot say they didn't hear you.
Send him home,
tell your parents,
tell your friends,
tell the police.
****
is not always
drunk men outside bars
or keys clenched between white knuckles.
Sometimes **** is silent.
Do not be silenced.

I saw you today,
... we chatted
exchanged meaningless small talk.
I don't know why
I still get butterflies
       you're too short
           losing your hair
and a little chubby around the middle.
Yet you take my breath away.
      I am lost in your gaze.
          mesmerized by your smile.
Your touch sends chills
     to every nerve ending in my body.
I just want to taste you.
     hold you
         wrap myself around you
for hours on end...

If cursing you
or crying rivers
or breaking pens and
pencils
or marring the sculpture
I had so lovingly made
of your face
or taking pills
or cutting skin
or drinking blood
or pinning eyes
or pinching shoulders
or pulling hair
or lashing legs
or inflicting pain
however
could erase the pain,

I would.

I find it hard to write about one single thing when there are so many thoughts in your head.
I find it hard to sleep when all you can think about is your future and what you'll do for the rest of your life.
I find it hard to do homework when all you can hear are the screams coming from your parents bedroom door.
I find it hard to let things go when you've never gotten an apology.
I find it hard to think when anxiety is the only thing keeping you company.
I find it hard to be happy when everything around you is just so sad.