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  Oct 2017 Aspen S
rjh
you're still losing weight. i didn't know it was possible to shed the pounds this quickly.
the less you eat, the more you age. in three months, you'll have aged six years. i can't recognize you anymore. it's like parts of your soul have gone missing.

your body is what holds your mind. it holds your soul. it held me.
i know it sounds so selfish, but i want you go be who you were before.
not only were you healthy, but you were happy.
and warm. so warm.

i hope you gain back your warmth. i hope you find the pieces of your soul that have corroded in the stomach acid your force yourself to choke up. i hope your serotonin levels raise to a normal number. i hope that the color comes back to your cheeks.
i hope that you become something other than a walking corpse.

if you don't, i won't lecture you again, but i won't be able to come back. it's too hard seeing you like this. i hope you understand.
but please know that i will always love you and i will always be on your side. i believe you can do it. call me when it happens.
  Oct 2017 Aspen S
lo
1.  There is nothing romantic about the way our hair falls out or the way we hover over the open toilet like there's no other empty space in the house.
2. Do not think that it will be easier to love us because the love we aren’t giving ourselves will go to you.
3. You can trail your fingers along my rib cage, count every vertebrae in my back like marbles stacked high on top of each other. This is not beautiful, this is what dying looks like.
4. I’m sorry for the smell of my breath, but there’s no amount of toothpaste that could cover up the smell of myself rotting from the inside out.
5. “I thought you had to be skinny to have an eating disorder.”
5.   “You don’t look like you starve yourself.”
5.   I know that you wish you could hold me without worrying i’ll turn to dust if you squeeze too hard.
6.   I grew up being told that my body is a temple and I should treat it as such, but I don’t think this is right, see; temples can be destroyed but it always takes another person. I am doing this to myself.
7.   I can’t remember the last time I ate without feeling guilty.
7.   I can’t remember the last time I ate.
8.   One day, I will be nothing and you will be nothing, and i’m sorry that i’m already so close to being gone.
9.   I want to get better. I am trying to get better.
10. Do not think that loving us will be easier, because the love we do not give ourselves is gone, and we cannot love you more than we don’t love ourselves.
  Oct 2017 Aspen S
Isabella Jiang
raw
Wet lips flush with sorrow
Bruise pink and blood seeps
Drips and pools into sterile
Collarbones
Hands are cold, winter breeze
Ghosting over snow flesh
Smothering dark, preserved
Bone marrow and tree branches
Shaking in a fine tremor an
Endless earthquake rolling
Its hips into the molten core
Of another being in pieces
Of thigh and heart and blown
Brain all over the highways
Hazy with heat and potential
For violence and passion
So similar we dig our fingertips
Into calves unsure whether
We are beyond simple life
Beyond stardust and nebulae
Or already buried beneath
Cherry tear whisky and loam
Too heavy and human to
Feel the press of flesh joy
In places we flush emotion
And sing me to short endless
Sleep and crumpled hair under
Your arms and cider breath
Temple slick with promise
Gone by in a future decomposing
In a nest of vulture and flies
Somewhere in the desert of
Times playground pieces of
Ocean filling our lungs until
We can only gasp for more
And take me take me take me
Take me take this scrap of
Fabric skin I've forgotten
Take me take these ripped
Shreds of conformity and life
Give me myself.
we roll in the filth of mortality
man abuses
man kills
God disposes
God heals.
  Oct 2017 Aspen S
Miss Honey
I’m gay I’m gay I’m gay I’m gay I'm gay
it kind of
spills off my tongue
when I don’t want it to
an
impulse
a
burning choke in my throat
falling out of me when I wish it would stay inside
when strangers are around
when
they really don’t need to know

it’s painted on my face
it’s written on the backs of my hands
my collarbone is burning white hot with a tell
and my eyes watering every secret of it

can they tell?
can everyone see right through me?
I’m
too scared to ask
somehow
also too scared to keep it inside

It wants out more than anything
but
she wants to be safe more than anything
  Oct 2017 Aspen S
chloe fleming
You were laying in a bathtub
And all they did was wash you.
You were alone.
Bruised toes hanging of out the white porcelain.
Your hair, damp and thick with mildew, dripped off my fingers.
And you were alone.
All they did was wash you.
Blue lips, puckered as if to say your final speech
That everyone around you left you alone,
Entirely alone.
Until the only one left to find you,
Was me.
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