It does seem planned
Doesn’t it?
Like the acts of a play
or The rules of a game
A predetermined course
I had no say in,
But must suffer through

No matter which way I turn the tables
It’s fixed

Ignorance is bliss
until the facade falls apart
You can sing mantras and prayers
Meditate in the moonlight
Give gratitude in every act you make
but it will not quiet
the core of your pain
It is not medicine
for the poison in your own veins
Everyone dies by their own hand
No matter how it happens,
it is always your own destructible being that betrays you

So we all try to sedate
The happiest of us, naturally high
Meds,
quiet the mind
bring peace to the war
But nothing is really fixed,
Is it?
You just pressed the pause button
on your own life
And we all know you can’t play games with time
Without consequences

Time
It’s passage, a comfort
a torment
The more it passes
the thicker my skin
but after years and years
Somehow the only thing I’ve done,
is build walls
What about dreams?
What about the life you’d imagined for yourself at five years old?
But now we say,
I’m not afraid of dying,
I’m afraid of what it would say about me

In the soft sounds of the rain
and loneliness
this house invites
I protect myself from the outside
And it’s winds that rattle
my windows and doors
To bring in the night,
the dark cold of winters breath,
the stolen warmth
But you and your smile
like a lit candle on my empty table
You see me
Your warmth travels
Always welcome

Honey Bee,
I say we take out our old bags
and settle them into new hearts
Mould yours into my well
Take heavy books
atop heaving chests,
down winding veins
Settle into
the softest parts

You refrain from speaking
of the little bugs in your head
Like we caught the marriage of
the fig and the frog
while looking into the stars one night

Of our own tales,
We have come upon journey
Down winding paths,
in chocolate dirt roads
I see why your lips don’t follow
what’s in your head
Our two bumblebee chests,
they hear what rumbles
Close.
Hear peach fuzz moving,
hear whatever comes after
the roll of your eyes
We are told what’s next,
with the hum in each lost breath

My heart hasn’t stopped
fluttering since you left
Your fingerprints still
like flowers grazing my neck
Take everything in my skin,
take it to place aside the
winding coil
that your heart wrapped me in
I know you keep it close

Honey Bee,
I fought the day by
singing your name
into clouds of autumn air
Shaped the word into
a tender hearted sword
That I’ll save here
until you come back

The holy,
is a woman
on her knees
at another

We bring fruit
to each other's tables
Yelling,

"Please come tender,
come glowing,
come wildflower eyes,
come bread breaking,
come holy steps
barefoot on my pebble heart,
come,
come,
come."

I feel for her
in the August haze
the September grit
She brings moonlight
to my eyes
Stinging already
with choked-up passion
the messy downpour of my heart
now, in excess
We tangle weekends in
my hair,
her sheets
My insides, swollen
with a rage
of timid want
Our bellies, full
with a drunken softness

I'm still daydreaming
of the slow stretch of your spine,
your collarbones along my raw lips
Find your new home in me
Alongside rubble that I tried to clear long ago
We'll make baby baskets
and carry all our eggs in them
Take our tea to the garden each morning
I'll show you which herbs taste as sweet as your dewy cheeks
Please darling,
Sink your toes into my soft earthy heart
It feels like lamb’s kiss when you do
Meant to be
here
on slow mornings with racing hearts