Gotta stay high
To keep you off my mind
To keep my fears at bay
Keep them from pulling me away

If I stay high
Than I forget for a bit
I forget why I was crying
And I forget why I was dying

Only when I'm high
Can I feel something
Do I feel alive
But I know that's a lie

You make my heart awaken
Shake off the dust and webs
You make my skin warm
Not like ice when I was dead
You give my lungs air
I'm amazed you gave me breath

I don't need to be high
I'd rather have you instead

Dancing and twirling
Devilish thoughts
They taunt
They sing
And laugh an eerie song

I know every word
Every down beat and note
I sing a long every day

Catchy tunes
They get stuck in your head
Even when there is no physical sound
It repeats
And repeats
On and on

Like a chanting spell
Like a screaming cry
This suicide song
It won't let me die

I've been told
time can heal anything
but it seems time won't let me forget
it can't put back together
all the glass I have shattered

with all my sharp edges
and my pointed parts
i tried to keep from cutting you too

time can't heal
it can't fix my enduring guilt
all these things I don't speak of
they're burried
playing with the debris
and I guess I'm just Sorry for saying Sorry

This pink mass of mist
it glows when we touch
my waking has surrendered
it belongs to you
but the boulder
this crippling weight still sits

misty fog can't fly
can't float
never could
that rocky weight
it finally caught a cloud
and pinned it down

i didn't mean to show you
i never wanted you to see this
this amazingly heavy burden I carry
please don't let it catch your cloud

maybe I too often feel like a burden
only because I have lived as one
and this fear of being what I am
it adds ounces every day

maybe that's what I've been trying to get rid of
not my earthly weight
but the one that caught my cloud
Is that the one I've been trying to starve out?

It's not like a song you've ever heard
Or a song you'll ever want to hear
But it caught my ear when I first heard it sing

It sang in my head
The voices whispered it quietly
Curiosity urged me
Listen closer

A slow crescendo wrapped me
I was intoxicated by the gore that filled me
Before I could make it stop
The song had etched it's bars
It's time signature
It's key
Deep in my veins
Deep in my bones
It's taken over my brain

My body has become the instrument
That plays this addicting song
A woodwind perhaps
A string maybe
But all I know is this one song

Dead hands play symphonies
For dying hands to be
Please don't follow me
Don't listen to my song
You will become addicted
You will learn how to play
Please don't become the composer
Of your own suicide song

Grayness swells and burns as ice
Coldness fills hollow creeks
My mindless ghost of a shell
But drifts ever so quietly

Ghostly shells as mine
Follow the current
Follow the breeze
Too weak to fight
To swim upstream

Now I am told the sun returns
But will it return without help?
Without artificial dawn?
Will this dusk be everlasting?
Never reaching devil's hour
And never returning to shiny morning

My ghost ever mourning
A loss of some unfamiliar friend
Sick for a home that has never existed
I forever dwell on my oscillating waking

It's sort of strange
how an emptiness can fill you
how nothing can take you over
an absence can engulf you

that's when nothing becomes everything
all at the same time
when you get lost in how to answer farmiliar questions
what's wrong

well you can't say nothing
and you can't say everything
but really it's the scariest nothing
and the saddest everything
that has drowned you in your sleep