i recently tried writing you a poem and partially succeed.

but then I thought, it wasn’t sincere enough, you wouldn’t believe it.

i don’t want to write something I can easily just tell you aloud.

i want to write something that i can’t.
something that can only be expressed in written words better than said.
something to look back when I want you to feel that.

i want to write something that’ll make you feel something rather than know.
like seeing is believing, that’s what those feelings are for.

i rather not tell, it’s better for me to show.

sure there are words, but actions are worth much more.

can you blame me

for tryna get you to open up more?

I’ve allowed myself to become vulnerable 

now I don’t know what for?

when you’re unavailable 

am I still yours?

so it hurts, the process getting there.
like how else am i supposed to ease myself.
all i do is pretend and act like i don’t care.
but at the end of the day, that won’t even help.
if you were to leave anytime soon, i’d regret the night i said i love you.
only because my heart, feeling so heavy now, wouldn’t be able to stop from breaking in two.
but you can go as you please, please don’t stay cuz of me.
best way to love is by setting this love of mine free.
don’t bother checking in, please don’t be sorry.
i’ll survive this on my own, no need to worry.
i’ve lived before you, and will live again soon.
this is just one more hell i gotta go through.
in the meantime, it helps to let it out now as i do.
hopefully in time, ill come out of it, feeling brand new.
so please go when you’re ready to go.
i only ask that you let me know.
then leave me be, so i deal with it alone.
the best way i know, writing about it on my own.

easy,
it could be so easy
simple, painless, fulfilling
life could open opportunities
for both your heart and mind
it doesn't even take an effort
but it's like you don't even try

unconditional
doesn't come free with you
you speak so many words
all often unproven true
things could be different
if you just come through
things could be heaven
if you only knew.

Living in a drought
A desert surrounds
I walk lost, in thirst
Each minute, getting worse
There's so much to put out
Yet when I speak, there's no sound
Just me standing on empty land
And a whole load of thoughts packed
They're waiting for me, I don't know who
It wouldn't even matter if I knew
All I know is that fear shouldn't stop me.
But I gave in, the fear of fear got to me.
So here I am, living through a drought
A desert and confusion is all around
So much thirst and nothing to put out
And not knowing what the hell this is about.

The first time I wrote poetry
I presented it to my father
He laughed and said to me
"must you be in love?
only those in love write this--"
A 10yr old girl cried that night,
Humiliated.

But it was true. Now that I look at it.
That of being in love.
Because I fell in love with written words
Hopefully someone reads this
And falls in love as well.

Life's much easier with closed eyes
And covered ears can hear no lies
Without looking back, I find the trust I need
When you take my hand and believe in me.
I dream of colors, red yellow and blue
Feeling at peace in my sweet youth
Your smile never fails to be like the light
That brightens the sky, providing me sight.