Still waiting for the message that says we're okay,
But things in life don't tend to happen my way.

The day I met you, you held my hand while my parents screamed, stayed on the phone when I didn't want to face the deafening fall out. That night I bared my body to you, forgetting you were a stranger twice my age.. You told me we are perfectly compatible, You were the one who is OCD about numbers and time while I was failing math and struggling to keep up, you should have known 14 and 27 are not compatible numbers. I once called you 3 minutes after I said I would and you ignores me for a week until I agreed to show you my **** to make it up to you. Our relationship consisted of petty arguments, razor blade insults, commands, and punishments when I didn't do as you asked. For example do you remember the time when I told you I didn't feel beautiful and you made me starve myself for three days and workout for two months, what about the time I told you I didn't want to have children till I was 20 and you told me no one would want me then and you'd never wait for my ****** to be ready to have a family. What about the times I tried to leave and you threatened to end your life, do you remember that? No... You probably don't. Because even when I close my eyes I can still see the half dozen emptied beer bottles on the floor of your ***** apartment in the background of the pictures of you with a gun to our head as you begged me to take you back. You told a 14 year old girl you put your life in her hands knowing they shook and trembled every time she heard your voice slur as you told her not to eat because she was fat or that it was her fault you beat her. you became the skeleton in my closet and the monster under my bed the ghoul peeking through the curtains and knife weilder in the laste nights. I became the dying flower in a glass jar, but unlike beauty in the beast every time a petal wilted to the ground like a tear sliding down y cheek you only got stronger. I was not your beauty, you didn't realize you were a beast. I don't know if I'll ever forgive you.

Tired

I am tired
I really am
please don't question why
cause I feel a hurricane
tearing at the roots of my sanity
a weight bearing down at my shoulders like rain
yes all I did today was wake up and walk around
yes I didn't leave the house
yes I am just 16

but my energy left with the
openings of sunrise
the cradle that whisked me to sleep
never stops rocking
I am swinging back and forth
wondering when the lullaby will end

so please
Mom
don't ask me why I'm tired
when I have done nothing
I just am
it is hard enough to move
my best friends Depression and Insomnia
hold me in there grasps
It won't matter if I get sleep
Or when the light goes off
I do not want to move
but I do

I drag myself to school
work
my friends
I have many things to do
but this everlasting shadow never leaves
it covers me like a wedding veil
obstructing my vision
I don't know where it comes from
I do not welcome it with open arms
I will forever wish to feel the kiss
of a good nights rest
or a day where I don't have to hold life
like a deadlift

let me rest
let me lie down
because i never really woke up

Do me a favor.
Just go away.
Leave me alone.

I tell you that every day.
Everything else has left,
So why not you?

Please do me a favor.
Just go away.
And leave me alone.

I thought I had lost you long ago.
But you came back to me.
I guess you never really left.

Do me a favor.
Just go away.
Leave me alone, this time for good.

I pray for this every night.
Want you to leave so bad.
But you never do, always are on the back of my mind.

But please do me a favor.
And just go away.
Leave me alone.

I lost everything but not you.
My friends, my hopes, my desires, my love for myself.
But you always stayed.

Do me a favor.
Just go away.
And leave me alone.

I did not ask for you.
So please go away and leave me alone.
This time for good.

The I love you stopped a long long time ago. Sometimes I'm tempted to say those three words just one more time. Sometimes when we're together the piercing words almost spill out but in a instant I stop myself.
I stop because I know how you'll reply.
When I hear those two words come out of your mouth I'll be crushed because that was the inevitable outcome for me saying I love you one last time

Some of us just wanna live
Some of them just wanna die

We'll do things they never did
They do things we'd never try

They look for beauty like it's been hid
We look for beauty in the holders eye

Most of them will have some kids
Most of us will stay kids flying kites

I just wanna be
You just want me to never leave

I just wanna plant this seed
You want me cause I'm what you need

- J.A.M