i’m screaming but no sound leaves my chapped lips
the lips i peeled till they bled a trillion times over
when i couldnt think of anything else to
i wonder how much blood i lost from my lips today
id imagine more than the average american
but probably not more than the slits on my wrists i cut in the tub

funny how sometimes your hands are cold and you still make me melt when you hold my hand

i want to kiss you everywhere
so when i die i know there's not a single inch i missed of you

your eyes are like if you looked at the ocean through a kaleidoscope
and twisted the wheel where the sand meets the sea

after the storm took out
my big brick house
i built a house of straw
no time for foundation
or windows
or a water-proof roof

so the rain pitter-pattered
through the holes in the ceiling
and soaked my bed of straw

you pursed your lips and blew
one small breath
one final blow
and the house of straw
i built
fell

along
with
me

I am spiralling down a dark well
mortar and stone grazing my knuckles and fingers
in their desperate plea to find a crack
a divet
anything to stop the spiral
but I continue to fall
black upon black
grey upon grey
deeper and deeper
the water is at my ankles
sinking
sinking
sinking now
into putrid sludge of what I do not want to remember
swept into the dark ocean cave
of my mind

Let us go into the field
where peonies bloom and the dappled sun hits our skin

Let us go into the field
where kisses are akin to blossoms in spring

Let us go into the field
where the apples of our relationship lay untouched and protected

Let us go into the field
where even on the slate grey rain kind of days we can lie together

Let us go into the field
where our story began and our complication began

Let us go into the field
where we can repair the torn seams in the fabric that was us

Let us go into the field...

I have gained five  kilograms

My brain is buzzing

I need it to go

I just want to disappear

Make myself small

Find me in the space between strength and frailty

Strong yet weak